Author Topic: Answers  (Read 1296 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline *~C~*

  • 18+
  • Gold Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 254
« on: June 25, 2012, 02:06:41 PM »
It's been a really long time since I last posted, but this week I find myself with a lot of relevant info.

I'm 42, and for a long time I've been fed up with how I've felt, physically and emotionally. Thinking it was because I was stupid, and people weren't believing me. I felt a fraud and that people were looking down at me, I felt stupid. I SHd as a result, often.

So last week it turns out:

-  The pain I have in my back and legs is because I have a curvature in the spine. This sounds daft but I'm please by this. What I'd been experiencing before just all seemed in my head, I couldn't prove to anyone I was in pain and felt no one believed me. I now believe myself and I think that's a start in becoming acclimatised to this.

- I had session with a psychologist last week. I thought I was just stupid. It turns out I have 7 different conditions, all linked by autism. This one was a shock and I didn't expect it, but I did - if you know what I mean.

This one revelation has changed how I look back on my life, and why I did the things I did and reacted in the way I did. I'm sad, as it's too late to change many things, but I still have time to change what's yet to come.

I don't know what will change. I fear for my job, but also know they can't just get rid of me. I've got through a working career without knowing this, yet still managed to get where I am today, and I feel less of a fraud as a result. My marriage is taking a bit of a shakeup as a result. My wife know something wasn't right, so did I. But now it's official, and has names and that's something to take in.

It's early days for everything, I'm sure more info will come out. But even though there's uncertainty, I'm happier and sadder than I've been in a long time. I mourn for what's lost, but am at peace with what I know.

Sorry for the ramble, but it just seemed right and relevant to put this down here today  :hug1:
unComfortably Numb

Offline Tigger

  • 18+
  • Usually here
  • ***
  • Posts: 716
  • Tigger has lost the bounce
Re: Answers
« Reply #1 on: June 26, 2012, 10:32:56 PM »
Isn't funny how just naming a condition almost makes it all simpler because you can just say i have z rather than trying to explain yourself to people.

 :hug1: good luck with everything
Outside I'm smiling, Inside I'm crying. Outside I'm laughing, Inside I'm dying.
"Its goodbye to the shortcuts, hello to the grind, no one ever said it would be an easy ride" - Relentless
Last SH 18/02/12