Author Topic: 2.5 years out the window (new member)  (Read 1320 times)

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Offline brokenblackrose

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2.5 years out the window (new member)
« on: December 14, 2011, 09:23:23 AM »
Hi, I'm new here and I guess I just need to talk to someone, anyone that will understand.

I started self harmig when I was 5. By the time I was 12 I started cutting. Long story short I managed 2.5 years not cutting. I didn't want my children growing up with a mum who has to hide the cuts.

But I stopped being able to cope.

I spend every day sobbing, alone and just trying to cope with looking after my two kids. I'm married but he doesn't understand my feelings at all, and to be fair I hardly see him anyway. I don't have many friends, and those I do wouldn't understand or even want to try. To be honest I also find it hard to voice why I'm feeling like all I want to do is drink and attack myself with a tool. Sometimes I don't know myself.
I do have one friend I could talk to. Problem is, it's almost impossible to see him or talk to him on the phone. I can beg him to come help me but he can't.

Two weeks ago I gave in to the temptation. I was sensible, I was safe and I did it where my children wont see.
It nearly ended my marriage. I told him a week later 'd done it and he told me to leave. But I didn't, I couldn't leave my kids.

Now I've done it I just want to do it again.
I need help but I don't know what to do.

Offline Lily Kym

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Re: 2.5 years out the window (new member)
« Reply #1 on: December 14, 2011, 08:37:31 PM »
welcome to the forum hun xx

have you received any help in real life, via your gp?

xx xx

Offline brokenblackrose

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Re: 2.5 years out the window (new member)
« Reply #2 on: December 14, 2011, 08:46:10 PM »
I saw a counsellor (well several) at school.
And I have been on and off the happy pills for 10 years. I don't dare take them now though, the side effects would mean I'd find it impossible to look after the children, a job that is already hard enough due to a back problem that sometimes means i can't walk.