Author Topic: unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*  (Read 1613 times)

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split

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unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*
« on: December 05, 2011, 07:28:29 AM »
Well, several weeks ago I see cmht after my 8th referal this year and they did the usual assessment and gave the usual answer : we can't help you.

She said she would send me a leaflet about what was wrong with me though.

She forgot to send the leaflet so last week she called to offer me an appointment... So she could tell me more about what's wrong with me (as if I don't experience it everyday), why that means they can't help me, and to encourage me to go to a rape crisis group.

I am asking myself. Do I really need someone else to tell me how I live and cope day to day, do I really need her to tell me that the wikipedia article on my condition was right (that the only chance of feeling better is death/suicide), do I really need to go and sit with a group of wailing women telling me its not my fault?(it is my fault. Don't come out to a homophobic drug dealer, proceed to get pie eyed and not expect repercussions. There is a difference between fault and deserving).

So, do I really wanna go do this. My appointment is at 11.30... may just stay in bed.

Offline findingmyway

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Re: unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2011, 07:42:46 AM »
Obviously its up to you hun and I can see why you don't want to go but maybe it could be helpful in some way? Even if it is just a better understanding of your diagnosis/ a listening ear for a bit? Would you have lost anything of you go?

Xxx
Thank you all so much for your support, I really appreciate it.
Please, all keep as safe as you can.

I will be thinking of you xxxxx :hug1: :hug

split

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Re: unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2011, 08:12:54 AM »
I will be wasting an hour of my day... I will be getting myself worked up and stressed, probably for no change go circumstance. She will probably have a go at me for refusing to blame everyone but myself (why do psychs never let you take responsibility for your own stupidity in the past. Always getting you to blame someone else).

Then again, I have nothing better to do and have been itching for an argument so maybe I should go just so I can shout at someone!

Offline findingmyway

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Re: unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2011, 01:45:13 PM »
What happened in the end hun? Did you go?
Thank you all so much for your support, I really appreciate it.
Please, all keep as safe as you can.

I will be thinking of you xxxxx :hug1: :hug

split

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Re: unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2011, 04:28:08 PM »
I went. I will tell more when I get home later.

Offline findingmyway

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Re: unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2011, 04:36:22 PM »
Ok, hope you're ok xxx
Thank you all so much for your support, I really appreciate it.
Please, all keep as safe as you can.

I will be thinking of you xxxxx :hug1: :hug

split

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Re: unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2011, 06:17:38 PM »
well, in my annoyingly british stiff upperlippy way... i didnt shout. so my anger is still bubbling

she confirmed my diagnosis of MPD/DID, now she is adding BPD and OCD (tried to add psychotic depression but that is stupid as i am not depressed)to it.

the OCD has angered me as so what if i like things clean and orgaised. i means nothing. you cannot do right for doing wrong these days. if my place was dirty and i didnt alphebatise my cereal they would give me a different diagnosis, probaly cholera.

dunno what to think of the BPD... i think my moods are more relevant to my hormones being squiffy because fertility stuff and because i have a 15 year old rape victim living in the back of my cranium ( having two people in one body would normally lead to switching emotions as we both have different thoughts and feelings. duh ).

as for my MPD/DID, she gave me the leaflet she forgot to post, which doesnt really tell my anything new, grounding techniques that i have used myself for a long time (avoiding triggers and avoid intoxicants blah blah blah)

she agrees that reintegration (making me and my alter one consiousness again) is not normally successful but she thinks psychology would hep some way. as would councelling in the mean time to help me control my anger, especially a will be completely alone when i move to somerset.


she actually listened and understood why i dont want to see a rape councellor, even agreed on my opinions for rape 'victims' needing to take some responsibility for what happened in many cases.

dunno how i feel really... nothing has really changed