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unfixable me... *poss trig: sa sui*

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split:
Well, several weeks ago I see cmht after my 8th referal this year and they did the usual assessment and gave the usual answer : we can't help you.

She said she would send me a leaflet about what was wrong with me though.

She forgot to send the leaflet so last week she called to offer me an appointment... So she could tell me more about what's wrong with me (as if I don't experience it everyday), why that means they can't help me, and to encourage me to go to a rape crisis group.

I am asking myself. Do I really need someone else to tell me how I live and cope day to day, do I really need her to tell me that the wikipedia article on my condition was right (that the only chance of feeling better is death/suicide), do I really need to go and sit with a group of wailing women telling me its not my fault?(it is my fault. Don't come out to a homophobic drug dealer, proceed to get pie eyed and not expect repercussions. There is a difference between fault and deserving).

So, do I really wanna go do this. My appointment is at 11.30... may just stay in bed.

findingmyway:
Obviously its up to you hun and I can see why you don't want to go but maybe it could be helpful in some way? Even if it is just a better understanding of your diagnosis/ a listening ear for a bit? Would you have lost anything of you go?

Xxx

split:
I will be wasting an hour of my day... I will be getting myself worked up and stressed, probably for no change go circumstance. She will probably have a go at me for refusing to blame everyone but myself (why do psychs never let you take responsibility for your own stupidity in the past. Always getting you to blame someone else).

Then again, I have nothing better to do and have been itching for an argument so maybe I should go just so I can shout at someone!

findingmyway:
What happened in the end hun? Did you go?

split:
I went. I will tell more when I get home later.

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