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Survivor Room / Re: Progress
« Last post by Tucan on January 08, 2021, 12:12:48 PM »
Well done, that is great to hear. I am happy for you.
Survivor Room / Progress.
« Last post by Terri on January 08, 2021, 02:59:04 AM »
Hiya! Sorry it's been a while.  :waves: 3am seemed like the perfect time to pop in. ::)

Things are progressing somewhat and in a rather positive way. I know I've still got a way to go, but a few good things have happened recently and I thought I'd share them. :)

- I have accepted an unconditional offer from a local university to study a BSc(Hons) in Public and Environmental Health. I'm off to study in September and, though I'm somewhat apprehensive, I'm also rather looking forward to it. I applied some time ago, but was almost certain that I would not get a place on the course. This just shows that my thoughts/feelings are not always facts/reality, even though that feel like they are at the time. Work have said I can keep my hours (my uni hours will be two full days) so financially I'll be OK.

- I have started my second round of DBT. I completed my first round at the end of 2020 and the second round started this week. I was in a lot of turmoil over whether or not to continue with therapy, for a whole variety of reasons, but in the end the decision was taken out of my hands and the MH team told me I shouldn't have been given a choice - 2 rounds was what was happening. ::) I've already started taking the repeat more seriously than the first time I did the modules; I've started making notes on worksheets and I've looked for and printed some of my own materials, rather than just shoving what I've been sent into the (very unorganised) folder as soon as the session was over. I now have 6 folders - one for each module (2 lots of 3 modules).

- I have lost half of my body weight. It sounds a lot, but I was morbidly obese and now I am not. I've still got a way to go in that regard (I'm still overweight according to medics), but I'm so much healthier now, especially as I also do a lot of physical activity. I walk, do workouts on my TV (from a subscription service with some equipment I have), swim in the sea and cycle (not always using the battery   ::P:). Weight is far from everything, but I was lugging round an awful lot and it made everything so much harder. Things are tough anyway when emotional dyregulation is a challenge you face, but not being able to tie my shoelaces without getting out of breath did not help the situation. I have found that eercise has been really beneficial to my mental health. It certainly doesn't solve everything, but it does give me another outlet and I tend to want to look after my body more when it feels stronger, which reduces the urges to self-harm.

- I may have met a boy. ::) It's really early days and meeting is not a thing right now, but we've been chatting via message and video chat and it's pleasant. He's funny and kind and clever and it might not go anywhere at all, but I'm enjoying it for what it is and will see what happens. It's a nice place to be.

- I have improved some of the relationships that I've got with various people. My sister is having a baby so I'm going to be an Auntie. :) I've been keeping my flat tidy and haven't lived with flies since I moved in 4.5 years ago. Alec the cat is still wonderful.  :chococat_h4h:

Things are still very fragile and I still have to be very careful with regards to emotions and triggers and balance, but I'm slowly becoming more aware of myself and how to manage things more effectively. I hope not to have another episode of being self-destructive, but that is not necessarily completely realistic - so I will take it day by day, use the skills I am learning to the best of my ability and if I slip, I will try not to make it too horrific and then pick myself up and try again. Aim for the best possible outcome, but plan for mistakes - just in case, to make the transition back to OK possible and more smooth. Or that's the idea.

I think about you all often.  :hug1:
Survivor Room / Re: Self inflicted trauma? *Trigs- SH, Sui*
« Last post by Tucan on December 22, 2020, 02:13:46 PM »
Oh bless you. It is hard.
Survivor Room / Re: Self inflicted trauma? *Trigs- SH, Sui*
« Last post by Vermilion on December 22, 2020, 10:45:10 AM »
Thank you.  :hug2: :hug1:

I also find the word trauma a little confusing in the sense of worrying that I'm making things sound worse than they are. Irrespective of whether or not it's trauma in the clinical sense it's certainly going to have an impact, as you say it is a huge life event. Some of the symptoms are akin to what I experience due to other things which are certainly traumatic events so it's definitely affecting me.

I have spoken with CC and it was helpful to get that perspective, it'll be a while before I truly get my head around this stuff though. I also let someone from psychology to read it when I had the assessment for DBT work (starting in January!) because, as CC pointed out, they're more qualified to deal with that sort of thing.

I'm okay overall but there are still things that are bothering me a little and I'm hoping that I'm able to avoid another crisis by dealing with this now, though if it does happen they'll at least know a bit more about what's going on.
Survivor Room / Re: Self inflicted trauma? *Trigs- SH, Sui*
« Last post by Turtle on December 18, 2020, 07:44:19 PM »
I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this. :hug2: There's a lot going on emotionally (and physically) with serious sh/suicide attempts. I find the word trauma confusing because different people seem to use it differently - but suicide attempts (like near death experiences) are such a huge life event that it's certainly going to have an impact.

I have had similar experiences - I really struggle with blood tests (lots of panicking!) because it's a similar sensation to sh, sometimes I get memories of different things, sometimes they feel quite physical.

Talking with your CC sounds sensible. It sounds really difficult at the moment. Even if it's what you wanted at the time, it was really the illness wanting it (if that makes sense). It is a confusing thing to get your head around for sure! I hope your CC can give some advice for how to deal with those intense memories/feelings.
Survivor Room / Re: Self inflicted trauma? *Trigs- SH, Sui*
« Last post by Tucan on December 18, 2020, 06:17:09 PM »
Suicidal experiences are traumatic. They leave a lasting impression with you. I get where you are coming from. I feel for you.
Survivor Room / Self inflicted trauma? *Trigs- SH, Sui*
« Last post by Vermilion on December 18, 2020, 03:02:55 PM »
I'm not sure if it's possible to traumatise myself by self by self inflicted injuries. There are times when I've been in serious danger of death both through actual suicide attempts and times when the self harm has accidentally become life threatening. Most recently, I attempted to take my own life (obviously I can't/won't go into specifics) but I find that I get extremely vivid memories and dreams of the event, it's as though I'm reliving it over and over again with both the physical/medical consequences of the act itself and the emotions that I was feeling at the time.
 I'm also struggling with the confusing emotions of guilt and embarrassment but also wishing that I'd succeeded but relieved that I didn't. It's a dichotomy I know; on the one side the thought that I almost stepped into oblivion is frightening and unsettling and yet it's appealing as well because all of the daily crap that I struggle with would be over and there would be no struggle anymore. I can't figure out how I feel about it, it's confusing me.

I've written a note to my CC and we'll speak on Tuesday but I'm wondering if anyone else gets this. It's akin to the experiences I get with certain other traumas that I've had in that I'm getting the various vivid memories and dreams and strange feelings etc but this is self inflicted and what I wanted at the time. Have I traumatised myself a little? Is it possible? I'm finding it very confusing.
Archived research topics / Your story can make a difference!
« Last post by Sara.CP on November 25, 2020, 06:56:38 PM »
Hello everyone :)

I'm a trainee Clinical Psychologist at Lancaster University currently looking for participants for my thesis research project: "The experience of young men who self-harm: A qualitative study of the communicative and relational aspects of self-harm."

We are looking for young men aged between 18-30, who self-harm or self-harmed in the past, to help in understanding better the experience of self-harm in young men. We understand self-harm as any action done on purpose knowing that it might cause physical harm, but without the intent to end life. Participating will involve doing a confidential interview with me.

Let me know if you want to participate or contact me if you have any questions :)

Phone: 07508406276 (you can drop me a message or ring me)
Email: [email protected]

For more information:
Feel free to share this with anyone who might be interested.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you. Thank you, your help is very much appreciated

TW: Self-harm

Hi everyone,

For my doctoral research project, I am looking for young adults based in the UK to hear about  personal experiences of growing up with at least one brother or sister who started to self-harm as a teenager in an (online) interview.

You may be able to help us if you...
  • Are 16-24 years old?
  • Lived with a brother or sister (ages 10-24) who self-harmed two or more times?
  • Do not currently live with this sibling?

For anyone interested, please go to:

You can also contact me at [email protected] with any questions about the project.

Thank you! Nienke

Survivor Room / Re: Exercise IS NOT a cure-all! (Grumble)
« Last post by Vermilion on November 18, 2020, 12:38:09 AM »
I do understand why it might be recommended initially, there are certainly benefits to be had from exercising and it should be tried before things like antidepressants but I'm just fed up of the implication that it solves everything. I think that it's a useful tool to be used alongside other tools, not as the ultimate cure-all. I'll admit that I need to work on positive thinking, the 'nocebo' effect is a very real thing though I'd say that it emphasises the need for several tools to build a better MH.

I don't exercise outside that much, I'm way too self conscious and clumsy but info get outside for some daylight. I know that it's really important to get some daylight.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that exercise can be great alongside other treatments and it would be helpful if people just acknowledged that it doesn't work that well for everyone.
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