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Survivor Room / Re: Progress.
« Last post by Terri on January 14, 2022, 07:46:46 PM »
Hey.  :waves:

It's been a while. I do pop in occasionally, but thought I'd post a bit of an update for anyone who might remember me. :)

I finished DBT at the beginning of September. It was a hard couple of years, especially to begin with, but it is the most helpful type of treatment that I've ever had. I've also completed the SCM program and I have my last appointment with the CMHT next week - I'm being discharged! I am so, so pleased. I'm 34 now. I've been in services since I was about 15 and I self-harmed from the age of 11. It's a really weird feeling, the feeling that I'm not going to be under the MH team, but it's definitely the right time and there's a solid plan in place for if things ever deteriorate to the point of needing intervention.

I no longer work in the pharmacy. I was there for almost 9 years, and my goodness they were amazing. I honestly don't think I'd be alive if it hadn't been for the job/team, but it was time to move forwards. The pharmacy I worked in was based in the hospital where a lot of negative stuff happened around my emotions and behaviours, and going back to the building twice a week was detrimental towards the end of my employment there. I now work as a coder in a GP surgery and it's amazing! The team is great, the job is interesting and it's better money than I've ever earned before - and that makes a difference as I'm now off benefits. It's sometimes a bit scary knowing that my financial security is reliant on me being able to go to work and attend university (student loan), but it's also really nice.

I've started university, studying towards a BSc. I've submitted four assignments so far and passed them all (with marks of 67, 69, 77 and 78), my lecturers are frequently complementary and best of all - I'm really enjoying it. University is never something I would have managed pre-DBT; life was way too chaotic, with frequent self-destructive behaviours and regular admission to hospital. The pressure would have gotten to me and I would have cracked, but as of yet, I haven't. I'm keeping up with the work, I've made good connections with fellow students and my attendance so far has been 100%.


I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm awake because I'm living a life that I didn't ever think was possible. There have been times over the years where I have been very, very close to dying because of my behaviours. Times where I've thought I've wanted to die, and have wished there was such a thing as palliative mental health care. I am now so very glad that I made it through alive.

Keep going.  :hug1:
Dear You,

I think there is too much stigma and misunderstanding that surrounds SH.

A lot of people, including myself pre-cutting, never understand how a person could do this to themselves and that, the only possible explanation for it was that these people wanted to die so badly; they recreated pain in the closest way that they knew how.

Although this may be true for some people, I genuinely believe that there is a closer correlation between depression and SH than there is between suicide and SH.

From my own, and a few people I know‘s experience, it is just a means of distraction.

Initially, I was asked by my GP “What do you think could have triggered this?” And I never felt more ridiculous than when I told her “Well, my best friend is leaving and he’s the only family I have left.” What I meant by this was that, in order to forget that he was leaving and to stop the panic attacks from taking over cOmPleteLy, I just had to do it. It was just another thing to do. I don’t see it any differently than when I watch the same film, listen to the same songs, read the same books.

It isn’t a good hobby, but it’s a hobby that is partaken in daily - the same way everyone is watching TV and scrolling through TikTok.

Thanks for listening anyway,
Bee 🐝
Survivor Room / I Freak Myself Out The Most
« Last post by onlybeescansavemenow on December 06, 2021, 09:53:00 PM »
Dear You,

Lately, I have gotten into the bad habit of over-analysing and internalising every single little thing that I do and it is exHaUsTING!

> I have been watching the same 3 films all year
> I have listened to ‘Between The Bars’ by Elliott Smith 3,000 times in the past year
> Gone on a walk every chance I get, once I just walked 30 hours straight just because I CouLd
> Say the same phrases
> Tell the same stories
> Make the same jokes
> Re-Read the same books
> Do the same things
> Eat the same foods and drink the same drinks

It’s a wonder that I haven’t gone crazy and I keep doing these things. They must make me feel better because I keep doing them but at the same time they just don’t.

I feel like I’m going crazy and the whole world is just watching and laughing; I’m a nutcase.

Thanks for listening anyway,
Bee 🐝
Defo :trig: so may as well point that out.  :smilie_blue:

Hi. I'm Bayden and I'm 14. I'm an agender asexual demi-panromantic pile of person :1027: (haha) and I use they/them pronouns. I started self-haring 5 months ago when the flashbacks to my primary school experiences really started to get the better of me . I'm not gonna name everything over here but if you'd really want me to, we can do so over email as I don't think they're monitored. What's happening now is also not helpful. They are:

  • Gender dysphoria
  • Homophobia from random people
  • Transphobia from parents (intentional dead-naming and mis-gendering)
  • Flashbacks to primary school experiences and other crap (IDK if swearing is allowed here so Ima keep the language suitable)

I'm starting to worry about my mental pain so I wanted to turn it into physical because the mental pain isn't healable, but the physical is healable. I've started using various methods and mechanisms to hurt myself but I'm able to recover from the injury  :hide:. I'm getting sick of being alone here so I've come here.

Please talk to me as I'm also quite lonely.


Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Gerard on September 09, 2021, 08:49:49 AM »
Fun fact. Most autism research is top heavy with a biology focus, rather than on intervention, support and services. ::)
Survivor Room / Re: Exercise IS NOT a cure-all! (Grumble)
« Last post by Rob on August 23, 2021, 02:40:23 PM »
Most people don't experience that 'high' - I certainly never did and I used to exercise to the point of needing wiping up off the floor after it was over   ::) However, you should feel good knowing that you've exercised because it will have done you good - doesn't need to be excessive though, and preferably something that you're taking some enjoyment from

Now why don't I anticipate feeling that when I take His Lordship for a walk at midnight..  ::)
Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Vermilion on August 23, 2021, 01:21:00 PM »
I'm so tired of the constant struggle. Even if people were more accepting that wouldn't change the way my brain is; I'd still struggle with recognising emotions, still have sensory overload that causes physical pain, still feel exhausted from just navigating this planet.. I'm just so f*****g tired of it. I don't belong here on this shitty planet.
Survivor Room / Re: Exercise IS NOT a cure-all! (Grumble)
« Last post by Vermilion on August 23, 2021, 01:07:47 PM »
I'm yet to experience that post exercise 'high' that people go on about, in fact I don't feel any different after exercise other than sweaty and maybe a bit tired. What a load of crap.
Survivor Room / Re: Aspergers / High functioning autism assessment
« Last post by Gerard on August 23, 2021, 10:38:04 AM »
Do my share of masking/camouflaging.
Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by so sad on August 11, 2021, 09:57:35 AM »

Wise Mind is a really tough one - it's one thing knowing we need to be in it but getting into it is another matter. DBT is completely about practice and that is what the feedback bit of the group is all about. Not necessarily going into detail about what triggered you but how you tried to use the skills - even if they didn't work for you in that example, you tried. That is all they want from you.

I'm going through a very nasty breakup and I spend a lot of time trying to identify the emotion and then what I can do with it. One of the skills I like is trying to see the thoughts as separate from me. Just because I have a thought does not mean it is a fact.

It does get better, trust me. You will have set backs - I've had many. Just when I thought I was nailing DBT and had a good run, BAM, something happened or things just dipped and I felt back at square one...but I wasn't. I still had the skills, it was just a case of working out which ones fit the situation/emotion.

You'll get a lot of handouts over the course of DBT, some won't fit with how you interpret the world, but some will and they are the ones to hold onto. I take photos of anything I think could help so I can look at them on my phone when I need to.

You're doing really well. SH does not stop the minute you start the course - mine certainly didn't so don't see it as a failure. Progress is not a straight line  :-*

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