Author Topic: brain swirling *may trig?*  (Read 3470 times)

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Offline Tigger

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brain swirling *may trig?*
« on: November 22, 2012, 09:33:48 PM »
I'm sorry i need to get this all out of my head it's probably going to come out like a long ramble eek

I have been SH free for 8 months now and mostly i have been fairly happy too, normal ups and downs but like i say mostly normal not depression etc. I been having counselling to try and sort my issues with SH and men while i was fairly well. The problem is every year it hits november and i start to struggle i not really sure why but when i look back at my journal which i have kept for 6 years now i always struggle between roughly nov and feb (not limited too mind) i have started to notice the slip in my mood and i'm desperately trying to clingon to normality. I am trying really hard to do things i have been taught to combat this but i feel im struggling already and its not even december yet   ::-\: I'm not sure why i struggle in the winter i hate christmas i work outside and a lot of my hobbies are outdoors so i have wondered whether it is to do with daylight hours and weather. My main thing is horses and the competition season is over now so i have less to concentrate on i suppose?
I tend to have anxiety probs too  ::)

The other problem i have is with men but i talked about till i'm blue in the face recently but it is still making me a little unhappy at the moment but probably only in the same way as a normal person.

I have to go to my great nans funeral tomorrow which i want to go too she was 107  ;D but i'm slightly terrified i might run into my dad who i haven't spoken too for like 10 years since i was 12. He is probably part of the reason for some of my issues i expect especially my dislike of christmas and i have gradually come to realise that i am very angry with him i don't really want to see him he would be better hiding in Ireland forever more so i don't have to think about him he might not appear tomorrow but as its his gran i think there is a chance he might.

I had to tell a friend about my SH yesterday because we went swimming and i always wear a rash vest but then she wanted to go in the sauna and so i bit the bullet and told her because she was only gonna see anyway and would have looked weird otherwise i thought. She was really sweet about it but not sure she really come across it before and think it freaked her out a bit so i'm a little worried about that now but will hopefully be ok  eek

I also had a text this morn that said " I am sorry to hear that you are having problems . You could text bthe smaritans on ...." UH WHAT!! anyone have any suggestions where this could have come from because it was not from a number and i'm highly confused and feeling very paranoid  :hide: as to how they got my number etc

Bleugh i don't want to struggle anymore and i don't want to SH hopefully getting all this out my head will make me feel better. I hope its in the right room  ::-\: and if anyone has any ideas about the sams thing that would be great.
Outside I'm smiling, Inside I'm crying. Outside I'm laughing, Inside I'm dying.
"Its goodbye to the shortcuts, hello to the grind, no one ever said it would be an easy ride" - Relentless
Last SH 18/02/12

Bethy

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Re: brain swirling *may trig?*
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2012, 11:12:41 AM »
Hey Tigger,
How are you doing? I really empathise with struggling more around winter. Are you able to identify anything you can enjoy during the winter months in place of the activities you can't do whilst it's so cold outside?
Eight months is fantastic and you should really be proud of that. It sounds like you've been working really hard to conquer everything that's been going on for you. Well done also for telling your friend! That takes so much courage.
I hope the funeral went okay. 107 is an incredible age to live to.
I don't know about the Sams thing, my only thought is that maybe you're on a sort of mailing list from something you may have signed up to or visited once. I really don't know though, sorry.
Hope December is going okay for you so far. Xx