Author Topic: Women, Self Worth and Hopelessness *may trigger*  (Read 3538 times)

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Offline Jsnuk

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Women, Self Worth and Hopelessness *may trigger*
« on: September 24, 2012, 11:21:34 PM »
I don't know what I'm expecting to see in replies to what I'm about to write, perhaps there will be none at all, but it is important for me to write it. So I'm just going to jump right in.

The title is 'Women, Self Worth and Hoplessness'. As you might have guessed, these are my three major problems and they're by no means separate. I'm going to be quite candid about this because taking the subtle and half-truthy approach would be pointless and leave me feeling worse.

Women have hurt me, it's a common story, but I alas must stick to it despite its mundane nature. I cut (primarily, to attribute SH to only one thing is crude, but bear with me for narrative purposes) because I am made to feel worthless by women repeatedly. and I am hopeless, because the less I think of myself the lesser are my chances of ever actually having any success with a woman. It's a vicious cycle that leaves me feel isolated from the rest of the population. No one would take the time to know me because they'd just bounce straight off of my many, varied and exceptionally colourful neurosis. I wonder if anyone else here has experience with that feeling?



Of course, to some, this might all seem like fairly little to complain about. How can this effect me so much, you ask. How, can I have such a one track mind as to become depressed over a few girl troubles?

And to those people I say... you're probably right. But that doesn't mean I can suddenly divorce myself from those feelings. Our society and culture is one that glorifies both sex and the relationship, and after all, aren't these the most natural things in the world? The desire to procreate after all can be as strong as that of hunger or of thirst, and for obviously good biological reason. Our bodies and minds tell us, as certainly as anything, that we need a partner. Every instinct can cry it at the tops of its metaphorical voice until all we can do is seek the distraction of other forms of release. And of course that's where self harm comes into the picture. It's also worth noting that this feeling goes both for the mechanical/ sexual instincts and the desire for 'love' or companionship, in equal measure.

Now, this is not my only issue. It's just the subject I have chosen for this rambling lump of words, today. But what this particular subject all boils down to is that people simply don't like me, sure they may be able to tolerate my presence for an hour or too, but nobody ever feels anything for me and that is quite painful, certainly less painful than the gashes on my arms and legs. It is to feel completely 'other' without the community of vacuous and normal people with their everyday lives and relationships. They mock me, both figuratively by their very existence and literally with words of scorn and derision.

I am subhuman.

So, if anyone managed to follow all that. I'm interested to know what people make of that, if anyone has had any similar experience, any practical or emotional advice or simply if anyone has any questions.

Sorry for taking up time and forum space.