Author Topic: Cold  (Read 5159 times)

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Offline Louise

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Cold
« on: February 19, 2012, 02:57:35 PM »
I'm feeling very cold and robotic at the moment.

My nan has just died and I feel nothing. Not because I'm in shock or anything like that. It just has had no effect on me.

Same as when my aunt died - I had no emotional response to it whatsoever.

And when famous people die and others are talking about what a terrible loss it is.....I feel nothing.

I was absolutely devastated when my cat died, and I still get a lump in my throat when I think about it. I get wound up and angry and frustrated and sometimes on the verge of tears when I see or hear of people being murdered in genocides. I often get teary watching programmes about wild or domesticated animals being abused/neglected/killed.

But that is it.

Really feels like there is something wrong with me. I must be wired wrong, to not feel anything when close relatives die but to cry hysterically over an animal.

I don't feel human. I lack all compassion, and it disgusts me.
There are many here among us
Who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I, we've been through that
And this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late

Offline Thirteen

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Re: Cold
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2012, 04:15:41 PM »
*gentle hugs*
its ok. sometimes it just how people deal with stuff, without knowing it
i cried for weeks over my rabbit dying, then my hamster, and even my fish
but when my great granddad died, i mean i was a bit sad, but never cried, i didt grieve at all for him actually
was just something i knew was sad
i know i dont cope well with change, death being a bit change, with my animals i get distressed, but with people i guess its just too huge so my head block it out
so i feel nothing
i dunno, thats just how i think i see it....
but there is nothing wrong with you hunny  :hug2:
different people just cope in different ways.
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Offline babylady

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Re: Cold
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2012, 04:49:23 PM »
I am exactly the same.  I can cry at stuff on the TV, news related or total make believe, I can get passionate about injustice to others, but the deep stuff that effects me - nothing.  I think because I have the potential to feel emotions in the extreme, that they are just to painful to deal with, so they get locked up and I go all automatic until I can function again.

Offline Nightowl

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Re: Cold
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2012, 04:54:25 PM »
It was 3 years til I cried for my dads death and I still haven't cried for my mum after nearly 5 years.

I felt absolutely nothing when my grandma died but cried when a colleagues grandma died.

I cry over animal programmes and just the thought of loosing Henry and Georgina makes me want to cry.
When you feel like letting go, hold on.

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Offline Louise

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Re: Cold
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2012, 05:00:29 PM »
Thank you for the replies.

To be honest, I do not think that it is that the emotion is too huge or too painful....it's not that I am blocking it out, it is just that there is nothing there at all. I was not worried when she got rushed to hospital, I just carried on with work, went to the pub with my mates at lunch, had a usual weekend.

I wish I could pretend that I am just blocking things out but it doesn't feel as though there is anything there too block out. I like to think that if it was my parents who had died, I WOULD be upset, if only on the inside. Because I actually know and like them.

I only saw my nan once a year, if that, and I have never thought of her as a particularly pleasant person for various reasons.

Thinking about it logically, she was old, it was 'her time'. It was not unexpected, or unjust, or unfair. Thinking back the only times death upsets me is when it seems 'not right'. Ie, when I have got upset it's not due to any actual human empathy, but because it seems that things have not run their natural course.

Not wishing to pass the buck.....but today my mum accused my nan's children of 'navel gazing' because they were sad when she was in hospital. Maybe that's where I get it from.
There are many here among us
Who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I, we've been through that
And this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late

Offline Thirteen

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Re: Cold
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2012, 05:14:01 PM »
maybe thats just it then
you wasnt very close to her, never really saw her much, so why would you feel upset
an animal you bond with more, they sit on your lap while you cry or something and become your only understanding friend sometimes
what your saying makes sense and is normal
i get upset over people being murdered, thats just not fair or right, and that is just sad

i get that cos its someone in your family who has passed, you feel you "should" feel sad and upset
but at the same time, if its someone you rarely saw, and maybe didt even like, then its ok not to feel anything
thats normal too

im not sure if im explaining this well
i know what you mean and what im trying to say
just cant put it into words for you, sorry  :blushing:
I am and always will be, just another number...
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Offline Louise

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Re: Cold
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2012, 05:44:37 PM »
That does make sense Thirteen, thanks.

I guess I'm basically needing to be told it's actually OK to feel like this - so thank you for saying what you did, makes me feel a little less odd. And Nightowl, it's good to know you feel this way over animals too whilst not crying over certain people.

I think it's just because some people get SO emotional over every single death of absolutely everyone it makes you feel guilty for not feeling the same....kind of feels like some sort of mass hysteria I should be buying into but just cannot bring myself to.
There are many here among us
Who feel that life is but a joke
But you and I, we've been through that
And this is not our fate
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late

Offline Thirteen

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Re: Cold
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2012, 05:52:47 PM »
*gentle hugs*
your welcome
and your not odd at all  :hug2:

but i can see how you would feel the way you do, esp if everyone else around you is upset, but you are not
but you shouldnt feel guilty for it
some of those other people upset was prob just closer to her than you was maybe
and so it effects them more

is like when my fish died, i cried for days over her tank, but no one else was upset or even "got it", it was just a fish to them. so i felt stupid, out of place, not human and odd
i know your situ is different, but the basics are the same
and its ok
you cant help how you feel, so you shoudlnt feel bad about how you feel
if thats makes sense

 :hug2:
I am and always will be, just another number...
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Offline ~hannah~

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Re: Cold
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2012, 10:38:07 PM »
 :hug1:

Grief is such a personal and individual journey, each and any time it may happen in your life. There is no use in comparing yourself to how others grieve, that is their reaction, not yours. In some cultures grief and the process includes very public, sometimes hysterical and emotional outbursts and in other cultures death and grief is hushed up and no one out side the family have anything to do with it. Each would be as equally uneasy as the other witnessing the others grieving process but they are both expressing their grief in a way which suits them. I guess what I'm trying to reassure you of, is there is no 'normal' or 'regular' reaction to a bereavement however close or not you may have been to the person. It's absolutely okay to feel however you feel at any given moment during this time. If a happy memory passes through and you find yourself smiling or even laughing, that's okay. Equally if it does catch you unaware and you do cry, just try to stay with it. You're grieving in your own way. No one can tell you if that is the right way or the wrong way.

I hope this made some sense.

Again and again I point people in the direction of Cruse http://www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk/ Great charity with some good information on the website.

Thinking of you   x
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Offline wendymum

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Re: Cold
« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2012, 03:39:02 PM »
I don't think it means you are cold.  Everyone is different.  I have never cried re my mum (16 years ago) or my dad's (18 months ago) deaths.  However, I cry so easily at stuff on TV, I even cried at the end of Alvin and the Chpmonks 2!  If you need to cry, you will.