Hey.
It's been a while. I do pop in occasionally, but thought I'd post a bit of an update for anyone who might remember me.
I finished DBT at the beginning of September. It was a hard couple of years, especially to begin with, but it is the most helpful type of treatment that I've ever had. I've also completed the SCM program and I have my last appointment with the CMHT next week - I'm being discharged! I am so, so pleased. I'm 34 now. I've been in services since I was about 15 and I self-harmed from the age of 11. It's a really weird feeling, the feeling that I'm not going to be under the MH team, but it's definitely the right time and there's a solid plan in place for if things ever deteriorate to the point of needing intervention.
I no longer work in the pharmacy. I was there for almost 9 years, and my goodness they were amazing. I honestly don't think I'd be alive if it hadn't been for the job/team, but it was time to move forwards. The pharmacy I worked in was based in the hospital where a lot of negative stuff happened around my emotions and behaviours, and going back to the building twice a week was detrimental towards the end of my employment there. I now work as a coder in a GP surgery and it's amazing! The team is great, the job is interesting and it's better money than I've ever earned before - and that makes a difference as I'm now off benefits. It's sometimes a bit scary knowing that my financial security is reliant on me being able to go to work and attend university (student loan), but it's also really nice.
I've started university, studying towards a BSc. I've submitted four assignments so far and passed them all (with marks of 67, 69, 77 and 78), my lecturers are frequently complementary and best of all - I'm really enjoying it. University is never something I would have managed pre-DBT; life was way too chaotic, with frequent self-destructive behaviours and regular admission to hospital. The pressure would have gotten to me and I would have cracked, but as of yet, I haven't. I'm keeping up with the work, I've made good connections with fellow students and my attendance so far has been 100%.
I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm awake because I'm living a life that I didn't ever think was possible. There have been times over the years where I have been very, very close to dying because of my behaviours. Times where I've thought I've wanted to die, and have wished there was such a thing as palliative mental health care. I am now so very glad that I made it through alive.
Keep going.