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Survivor Room / Re: How do you start talking about 'trauma'...?
« Last post by Vermilion on May 16, 2022, 01:00:30 PM »
It might be a good idea to do some work around dealing with emotions safely before going on depth about any trauma. When I first talked to my old CC about it I explained that I was worried about the consequences of going in depth without knowing how to cope because my SH was already 'severe' and 'high risk' and I was really worried about that. We agreed that it was best to do DBT first before moving on to trauma work,  definitely ask about a referral for it.

How you express things that happened is really up to you, including the pace at which you say it. I started off simply saying that 'horrible things' had happened that I need to deal with but that I was concerned about escalating SH (as I explained above). I know what you mean about not using certain words, I also don't like the word 'trauma' and there are a few other words that I won't say and My CC and DBT therapist are fine with it.

Before your next appointment have a think about what you'd like to happen here. Do you want to manage your emotions better before delving too deep? Do you want to have a safety plan in place first? Do you want to do DBT first? Then discuss it with here, a good MH practitioner should listen and help you work through things safely.
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Survivor Room / How do you start talking about 'trauma'...?
« Last post by Turtle on May 12, 2022, 11:51:54 PM »
Without going off the rails...

There's a new mh practitioner who I've been seeing for a couple of times, and it looks like it's going to become a regular thing. She's already wound me up completely - didn't seem to have any background info about me at all, not even diagnosis, recent treatment. But I'm trying to get past it, because I understand there's still some stuff to work on and I don't want to be living in constant fear of all the things that trigger me.

She's started to talk about 'trauma' (which is never something I'd thought about). Initially she said she'd refer me to trauma psychotherapy, without really explaining what that entailed, but she's now dropped that without explaining why. Instead today she spent the hour telling me that I had to just say xyz things that have happened, that I don't talk about, and that make me feel instant panic if I try to think about them. She seems to think just saying it to someone will magically fix everything - I explained that I can't see that making a difference AND that life gets very chaotic if I try thinking and talking about it. She just insisted that I should talk about it.

I honestly don't know if I'm meant to just say it to her? Or what the plan is? I really don't know how it's supposed to work and want some reassurance that there's a safety net of sorts.

I also never used the word 'trauma' to talk about things in my past, so that's all new and overwhelming (and I don't really trust that judgement)

Sorry if this isn't making sense. I just need to know what it looks like on the other side of this (and how you get there). I can't imagine living without this burden.
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Thanks for your time.
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Survivor Room / NICE public consultation on SH
« Last post by Gerard on February 24, 2022, 08:09:09 AM »
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Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Vermilion on February 09, 2022, 09:16:08 PM »
I don't know anyone else who's on the spectrum aside from a cousin that I don't see very often. I suspect that one of my current partners might be but obviously I can't be certain on this one. With regard to the second thing;
Quote
anyone else feel like they're constantly trying to 'fix' aspects of their life (work, social, talking to people, life, etc) and find it exhausting?
.

Yes, 100% agree, absolutely get it! I'm half way through DBT and I feel like I'm trying to overhaul my entire mind. Social things are particularly difficult because I'm analysing every phrase I use and I'm concentrating so hard on non verbal things to the point where I miss snippets of conversation, NT's are baffling! When I come hone from any intense social things I need several days to recover. I'd have the same problem at work when I worked in unsuitable environments (noisy/busy) and was also trying to maintain the social side pretty much broke my brain and I ended up losing yet another job. This was pre diagnosis though so I didn't know why I struggled with things so much at the time. And the b***** small talk; I'm sorry if being quiet annoys you, would you like to talk about the weather and state the obvious about how wet it is while stood in the rain? Or did you want to talk about how tired you are and then I'll tell you how tired I am? That kind of small talk bores me and I'd get home so exhausted from it but unable to sleep for some reason. Then I'd go back to work and repeat ad infinitum. Apparently it's ok for people to make me talk but rude if I try to make them shut up!   :fryingpan:

 I find basic life tasks pretty exhausting as well, I can have a complete meltdown if my routines or plans get messed with at the last minute. I'd say that because of these issues that being on the spectrum creates such high emotions all day everyday because of anxiety, sensory issues and frustration etc that we're bound to be tired because high emotions do that to everyone. Even NTs find that they are exhausted after something like a funeral because emotions are so intense and draining, we experience intense emotions every day so how can we be anything but tired? The world is mentally, and thus physically, draining.
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Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Gerard on February 06, 2022, 06:05:18 PM »
We're both on a autism project which is how I know her. Have only met her once and that was before the world changed. She would have move sensory challenges than I do. She finds text draining and emojis meaningless.

Voice note, I'd jot down a few things in advance to remember what to say and then send it on WhatsApp. Maybe sharing some personal stuff (depression, etc). My psychologist would say being more open with people is something I need to do more of.

On another note, anyone else feel like they're constantly trying to 'fix' aspects of their life (work, social, talking to people, life, etc) and find it exhausting?
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Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Lorien on February 06, 2022, 12:50:51 PM »
Anyone have autistic friends IRL? There's someone I know fairly well, but am not sure how to say I'd like to be friends. She recently said she's not a big fan of text communication, so I mentioned maybe a voice message and said that would be good.

I can only go off my own experience, but I'd say that there's probably 2 points to the asking about friendship. Personally I need people to be fairly explicit about things - in romantic relationships for example I don't pick up on cues others might at the beginning. But the other side of that is that all of my friendships ND or otherwise have just sort of evolved without explicitly being stated.
Do you know if they don't like text for a specific reason e.g dyslexia makes it hard to read/ it makes them feel pressured to answer quickly/ it's hard to read intent? Knowing those things would help you adapt your communication even verbally.

I am very much of the opinion everyone in the world should just say exactly what they mean and be direct about it. Do you think you would be able to literally leave a voice message that says what you think including the bits people don't normally say.

I think it's also important to establish for yourself what friendship means and what makes it feel important to ask to be friends. Knowing and summarising that might help with the message. I think most people wouldn't define the beginning of a platonic relationship with a request of friendship, but rather retrospectively define the people they spend time with and like as their friends.

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Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Gerard on February 05, 2022, 09:22:40 AM »
Anyone have autistic friends IRL? There's someone I know fairly well, but am not sure how to say I'd like to be friends. She recently said she's not a big fan of text communication, so I mentioned maybe a voice message and said that would be good.
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Survivor Room / Re: Progress.
« Last post by jackgrillo on January 15, 2022, 10:02:05 PM »
Terri, that is amazing news! You've worked so hard, and you've come so far. It is amazing to hear all these positive things about you and your life - you so deserve it.

You are amazing.
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Survivor Room / Re: Progress.
« Last post by Turtle on January 14, 2022, 08:30:15 PM »
Terri, this was so so beautiful to read! I think about you often on this site, so it's nice to hear you're getting on so well. It sounds like there's so much good and exciting stuff going on - a huge well done to you for all the work you've put in to getting to this point! :hug2:
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