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Survivor Room / Re: Aspergers / High functioning autism assessment
« Last post by Gerard on August 23, 2021, 10:38:04 AM »
Do my share of masking/camouflaging.
Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by so sad on August 11, 2021, 09:57:35 AM »

Wise Mind is a really tough one - it's one thing knowing we need to be in it but getting into it is another matter. DBT is completely about practice and that is what the feedback bit of the group is all about. Not necessarily going into detail about what triggered you but how you tried to use the skills - even if they didn't work for you in that example, you tried. That is all they want from you.

I'm going through a very nasty breakup and I spend a lot of time trying to identify the emotion and then what I can do with it. One of the skills I like is trying to see the thoughts as separate from me. Just because I have a thought does not mean it is a fact.

It does get better, trust me. You will have set backs - I've had many. Just when I thought I was nailing DBT and had a good run, BAM, something happened or things just dipped and I felt back at square one...but I wasn't. I still had the skills, it was just a case of working out which ones fit the situation/emotion.

You'll get a lot of handouts over the course of DBT, some won't fit with how you interpret the world, but some will and they are the ones to hold onto. I take photos of anything I think could help so I can look at them on my phone when I need to.

You're doing really well. SH does not stop the minute you start the course - mine certainly didn't so don't see it as a failure. Progress is not a straight line  :-*

Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by Vermilion on August 10, 2021, 09:43:51 PM »
Thank you :hug1:

It makes sense when you talk about simply learning to manage our conditions rather than changing them, DBT therapist said something similar earlier but it's just so hard to get my head around it all. I struggle identifying emotions too and that's a major reason that I'm in DBT as well as reducing the 'severe' SH which can be dangerous at times.

DBT was fine, we did a chain analysis of the SH so at least something good came out of it, I realise that 'wise mind' would have been helpful which we'd learned in group the day after ::) but like my therapist pointed out I did try to use some of the skills and they didn't work this time but as I get better at them they'll become more effective.

I'm exhausted due to the infection but I should start to feel better soon, I guess that sorting out a self harm wound could still be considered to be a self care skill. I'm on antibiotics for two weeks now :(. I'm skipping the cross trainer until I'm feeling well enough and that's ok too.
Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by so sad on August 10, 2021, 01:03:37 PM »

Well done for seeking treatment from your GP, not always an easy thing to do.

I was taught that one of the differences between DBT and CBT is accepting that change is not always the answer. That sometimes we have to accept that things are the way they are and that the trick is learning how to manage that. So the skills won't get rid of your autism or change it, but it will equip you with ways to manage it and the feelings/emotions that it can cause. DBT is also about accepting that 2 things can be correct at the same time. So things can be really, really sh1t AND you can also be trying to learn how to improve how you feel about it. (not the best example, sorry!)

DBT won't get rid of my borderline personality disorder but it does help me manage how I react to things and as a result how I feel about things. Emotional reg was a big one for me, I learnt how to stop and take a breath. How to work out what emotion I was actually feeling (previously the emotions were so strong and overwhelming that I couldn't work it out) and then decide if it was the right emotion for the situation and what to do either way. It takes a lot of practice and you know what, some days you don't have the energy to put that effort in but those days get less and less OVER TIME. It all takes time, a lot of time so don't be hard on yourself.

Let us know (if you want to :)) how you get on at DBT today.

Thinking of you

Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by Vermilion on August 10, 2021, 09:56:08 AM »
The doctor has given me antibiotics and an appointment with the nurse later, the doctor said to go to hospital but I'm only going if it gets really bad. I'll have to leave DBT about 15 minutes early. Not too bad I suppose.  ::-\: Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon because right now I feel like crap.  :(  :hide:
Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by Vermilion on August 10, 2021, 12:13:51 AM »
I'm not feeling good and I don't know if it's the b**n or a cold. I'm going to have to phone the doctors in the morning. I'm supposed to have DBT but I think that this would have to be a priority. Just what I f*****g need.  :(
Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by Vermilion on August 09, 2021, 03:36:39 PM »
Thank you  :hug2:

I think that group went a little better, I didn't share anything personal but I did ask questions so that they know that I'm trying at least...

I think the reason that I'm thinking of it as my last chance is because professionals have given the impression (or at least seem to have) that it's the answer to everything. Then I think that if I fail then that's it, game over. there's also part of me that thinks that no amount of skills are going to change the fact that I have autism so no matter what I do I'll never change. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it all. I should try and talk about it tomorrow at my one to one session  ::-\:
Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by so sad on August 04, 2021, 03:20:50 PM »
Reading that post was like reading my mind 2 years ago - the whole thought about this is your last chance and if you fail its game over. That was  exactly how I felt. DBT never leaves you (in my experience anyway). The skills come to mind without much effort, not that I can always use them, but they are there in the background. I still refer to my notes (and I have a lot of them!) from time to time.

Try not to think about it as timebound. I did and it did my head in. Even at the end of the 12 months you are not perfect or healed or an expert, you will still have learnt the skills and they will just need working on and practising. Easier said than done, I'm a b***** for not doing this but I know its what I need to do to continue healing and managing the huge emotions and feelings. They don't disappear but you learn to live with them and to use the skills to manage them. Like Terri said, its about building a life worth living. Its about defining what that 'life worth living' is about for you - its different for everyone. That won't happen overnight and setbacks will happen and you'll feel a million miles away from the finishing line but just go with it.

Self-harming is something that was never mentioned in group. That was between everyone and their therapists. The group for me is more about giving a bit of feedback on your homework, how you used the skills and did it work or not. its ok to say it didn't work. That is what the group is for, as people settle into the group, they'll start offering bits of advice, completely agreeing with you as they've had the same problems. Its not about sharing everything that is in your head. Make notes of things you can say that don't run too deep, just high level bits on info that are enough to make them see you are taking part. It can be a bit of a game.

Hope this helps and good luck. Let us know how you get on.

Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by Vermilion on August 04, 2021, 11:48:27 AM »
Thank you :hug1: :hug2: I'm glad that it's worth it, I'm seriously wondering if it's worth putting myself through all of this.

I'm struggling to get my head around it all think, change is always so difficult be it good or bad. I'm certainly judging myself harshly and it's me putting pressure on myself rather than anyone else putting pressure on me. I think that I feel like this is my last chance and if I fail then it's game over. I hate admitting to my shameful behaviours and yes, it is hard to sit in a group knowing that both facilitators are aware of these things, it's difficult to share these things with one person never mind more. I feel bad when I refuse to share things in the group but they are just personal issues that I don't wish to share with anyone. I've already been honest about my feelings towards the group and the 'phone counselling' but I have to do the things irrespective of my feelings and it's b***** hard.

I have group tomorrow morning but I'm certainly not going to sharing the fact that I've b**ned again but I'm speaking to CC on Friday, maybe I can speak to her about it. I have to speak more apparently even though writing has always been far easier and and more helpful. I'll write the b**ning in the 'diary card' like I'm supposed to but I find that hard to do never mind saying it.
Survivor Room / Re: DBT is tough *SH, sui*
« Last post by Terri on August 03, 2021, 11:23:54 AM »
Hey Vermilion.

I finish DBT in the middle of September after completing two rounds (60 group sessions in total and a similar number of individual sessions.) It is HARD, no denying that, and there have been so many times when I've thought that I just cannot. But I have, you know? And though I'm definitely not cured, my quality of life has improved (that was the aim - no one thought it'd remove my issues completely.) It is worth sticking with, I can assure you of that.

It's hard facing group when you've been raw and honest with the facilitators and they're aware of things you rather they weren't. I really struggled with that after a disclosure too. But the judgement came from me - not from them. It'll be similar for you, I'd imagine. We are so harsh on ourselves and it's totally undeserved.

Same as M (So Sad), happy to chat to you about DBT/Skills/Etc should that be helpful. :)
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