After reading many online articles/blogs etc and more books than I can count the subject has cropped up. Providing there were no risks, if there was a cure for autism would I take the tablets/have surgery/whatever?
Personally I think I would. I feel that being autistic has made living a fulfilling life as I want to live it impossible. It has messed up relationships, jobs and so many more things that I don't wish to post here. If I could cure this and no longer have to deal with this crap, I would do it.
On the other side of the debate are those who view autism almost as a gift or at least an integral part of their identity that they love having. This is baffling to me because being autistic is, at least for me, exhausting, confusing, frustrating, distressing and can be downright frightening when having sensory overload/meltdowns etc and knowing that there's no cure makes me feel truly hopeless at times.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this really, it's just something that's been on my mind lately. I figured that maybe someone here can understand a little since there seems to be quite a few people here with autism diagnoses. I suppose this is little more than a rant that I just needed to type out I guess.
You already know some of my story from my introduction Vermilion
Gosh when I think back to my early years .. how I was .. the things people related to me & termed as shyness, clumsiness, stupidity, incapability, naughtiness, oh the list goes on. I was expected to be "normal" without knowing what "normal" is
![doh :doh:](https://www.nshn.co.uk/forum/Smileys//robsmilies2017/doh.gif)
I still live with the feeling that I'm ugly & useless but I battle it, I survive, I win best as I can
I don't want to turn this into banging my own head ... but yes I know where you're at with this post. Not to mention the many job interviews I failed coz I wasn't the right person, being alone & people being like ships in my life.
By the time most of my idiosyncrasies & neurodiversities were recognised I was already on an anti depressant that is meant to manage all kinds of MH disorders. The ones I'm on now do help ....
However if there's anything I would change for me .. it's not a cure ... it's taken me a long time to love me for who I am .. well at least 70% of the time.
What I would change though is that the things which make a person differently abled are understood and accepted within the neurotypical world. I wouldn't want to be mollycoddled the way some young newly diagnosed individuals are mollycoddled. I would simply want to be understood and accepted so that I would have learnt to understand and accept myself during the years of development that matter most in any person's life. Sure it might not have changed the fact that I live with depression or the ways I was physically & sexually abused .... but maybe .. just maybe .. I'd have been better equipped to find my own voice when I was still a youngster than when I'd reached my middleage & maybe just maybe in turn I wouldn't have been through so much mental & emotional abuse from those who sort to control me, own me, abuse & then abandon me.
Sorry this might sound like an angry PLOM on my behalf ...... here & now is always easier to live with than all the "what it's". Regardless of all the 💩💩 .. I count my blessings I continue to survive .. try to thrive .. that today isn't such a great day & tomorrow is another day.
I guess all this is part of allowing myself to be known as I am within this forum?