The NSHN Forum UK

NSHN Forum Support & On Topic Forums. Some additional boards are viewable to members only => Survivor Room => Topic started by: kirsty on February 23, 2013, 07:00:21 PM

Title: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 23, 2013, 07:00:21 PM
Hi. I have been a member of this website for years, but have been away from it for about three years as i have been well. I came off medication, got married and thought that was the end of it. I have been depressed in the past, also had other issues which i thought were done with. However, recently i have been feeling anxious and jumpy at the slightest thing. I am not sleeping, so am quite tired, which makes the anxiety worse.
I have not sh yet, mainly due to the lack of opportunity. I am currently unemployed as my business collapsed due to the recession. I have never been unemployed and i hate it. I dont know if i should speak to someone about it. My husband is lovely but he has eating problems and has also self harmed. I dont want to make him feel bad. I am not sure what to do as the anxiety is a new thing for me. I had therapy for several years, i have not seen my therapist for about 5 years. I am not sure what i would achieve by asking for help.. Sorry for ranting, just a bit confused and not sure what to do.
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: caspers smudj on February 23, 2013, 07:21:06 PM
hi hun and welcome back
first things first
are you on any meds? if not good idea to see a dr and see if he can give you something to help the anxiety
well done for not sh - major step there
anxiety is normal when you are unemplyed as i know you have money worries etc.
please see the dr as a first step and keep talking to us
xxx
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 23, 2013, 08:18:38 PM
Hi m.
I am not on any meds at the moment. I was on antidepressants and anti psychotics for a short time during a bad patch. I am not sure about how i would go about starting a convesation with the doctor. I am just so frustrated that i am back to this point again. I also do not want to tell my family that i  struggling, as they will only panic.
I am proud of avoiding sh,although how much longer i can avoid it is debatable! Also, i  not sure if i can say this here, if not delete it, but i always sh on my arms. I now have been wearing shorter sleeves,and everyone is used to my scars. If i were to start wearing long sleeves again then people would ask questions. I have sh in other places, but it just isnt as satisfying. I know it is sick.
I know all the distraction techniques, avoiding sh etc. But i cant help the feelings.
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: caspers smudj on February 23, 2013, 08:23:44 PM
yeah i know what you mean about the feeolings
as for long sleeves - it is winter at the moment so long sleeves is acceptable
and in summer you can get some really pretty floaty long sleeved tops if you do start again
i hope you dont though
could you write a letter to your dr and take it with you to the appointment - or email him or anything before you go and see him?
x
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 23, 2013, 09:34:03 PM
I will try and write it down. I tried today to write it down in my diary, i can say it in my head but have difficulty getting it on paper or saying it.
I am ashamed of how i feel, i think because i see myself as just indulging in my impulses and expecting others to sort out my messes. I have never done it for attention, but i feel like it is attwntion seeking by aaking for help and i should just suffer through it.
I am not sure how i am going to avoid hurting myself.
Thank you for replying, it means a lot.
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: Rob on February 23, 2013, 09:43:38 PM
Sometimes it helps to record things aloud, and then write them down later - memo recorders on mobile phones seem a popular and easy way of doing it.

Asking for help is difficult for many people - usually more because they feel awkward rather than attention seeking, but if you really can use professional help and support, those people are there specifically for that purpose. I often say that it's better to get help for a while and hopefully get things sorted out then to suffer until things become impossible.
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 23, 2013, 10:06:45 PM
Thanks rob. I dont sh for attention, but if i ask for hekp i think it makes me look like i am doing it for attebtion if that makes sense? And by talking about it i am worried that i will just make things worse. Can anxiety cause these problems?
I am sorry i keep asking questions.
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: Patient Pianist on February 24, 2013, 10:55:27 AM
Hi

i know what you mean about not being ble to get things down on papeer the same way they sound in your head.  Rob's idea could work, i used to use a dictaphone and kind of talk through the tings in my head outloud....

i don't think that by asking for hlp it makes it appear that you are self harming for attention.  i think that's a very different situation to you being worried about it as an option and asking for some help to prevent it or to help you through it.  i know it can be frustrating finding yourself back in a position that you thought was in the past, but use past experience, you managed to get away from it before and you can again.

i think anxiety can casue all sortts of problems, some general and some more person specific.  the anxiety itself would be a good starting point with a Dr...

 :hug1:
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 24, 2013, 12:22:18 PM
I hate being back where i was, i thought that once i got over it i would be free of it all. But i am annoyed with myself for letting myself get like this again. Sorry for ranting, i am exhausted today due to little sleep abd the distractions i usually use do not seem to help.
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: caspers smudj on February 24, 2013, 06:13:41 PM
hi again
you could try one of my counsellors ideas
instead of seeing it as going round in circles and coming back to the same place again and again, try seeing yourself on a pathway which runs through your life
there will be all kinds of things to trip you up on the pathway and sometimes with people like us, thy make you want to hurt your self
you are not going backwards, just forwards and coming across other difficulties in your life to deal with
you will get through this and find a nice place on your path again
you have before and you will again
xx
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 24, 2013, 08:01:40 PM
That does make sense. I just feel like i have failed. I also feel like i am trying to lead two lives, the one where i want normal things (kids etc) and another one where i really just want to be able to idulge in my urges and not have to behave normal. I love my husband but i do wish i could be bu myself sometimes, purely because it was easier to cut when i was on my own.
Thank you for listening to me ranting on!
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: caspers smudj on February 24, 2013, 08:11:56 PM
its ok hun
i dont mind you ranting on
have you tried talking to hubby about how you feel?
xx
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 24, 2013, 09:00:16 PM
Not really. He knows i am not sleeping and that i have been an assy cow lately. He has depression and an eating disorder and is getting better, but it has been an uphill struggle for him to get better. He has been clingy, which means i cant get any time alone, which is driving me nuts if i am honest. Although if i did have more time by myself i would have hurt myself by now.
I love him dearly and he loves me, but it was easier to act on my urges when i was on my own.
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 25, 2013, 06:56:49 PM
Been a bit of a crap day. Had to have a blood test, took forever as i have no visable veins. Had two nurses looking at both arms, both commented on my scars, not in a nasty way but just the fact that they commented means that they are still so noticable. I wear short sleeves at home,my hubby knows my arms, and i do wear3/4 sleeves more now. Just i forget that not everyone has these scars and i am not "normal". Just angry at myself as i feel so ashamed of myself.
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: caspers smudj on February 25, 2013, 07:21:00 PM
you got nothing to be ashamed of hunni
the nurses were probably concerned about you
as for blood tests - i have the same problem
someone sugested to drink loads of water before you go and it does help me
it took 5 attempts one time to get some out of me
hugs to  you
xx
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 25, 2013, 07:26:27 PM
Thanks. I am just annoyed at myself because i let myself get upset by something that i cant change.
I have to remember that not everyone is aware of my scars.
Thank you for the hug.xx
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: caspers smudj on February 25, 2013, 08:16:02 PM
your welcome
xx
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: Hash on February 25, 2013, 09:00:38 PM

Kirsty,

You are not at all a failure just for struggling again. YOu could go to the doctors on the grounds you are a carer who is struggling as technically you care for your husband.

I really think like the others said you need to seek help before you do start self harming and things get so much worse. You could just get some medication just to stabilise you whilst you are struggling just to stabilise you.

Hash
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: kirsty on February 26, 2013, 07:26:42 PM
Thanks hash. I never thought of myself as caring for my husband but i suppose i am. I am going to go to the doctors on friday, i will have to write it down i think to get it across.
However, on the bright side i got a job today!
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: smiler on February 26, 2013, 08:49:20 PM
huge hugs

well done for getting a job that is awesome

and well done for finding to strength to go to doctors

that is a massive step

hope they given you the help you need

huge hugs
Title: Re: any advice?
Post by: Hash on March 17, 2013, 04:46:38 PM
 :kissygiraffe:

How you doing now Kirsty? How did it go with the DOcotr.

How is your new job?

Hash