How do I tell my parents that I am gay? I am too old for this!

[Tired Soul]

Is there anyone who has come out to their parents when they are an adult? Im 28 and need to tell my parents. I dont want to but I figure it is time. I want to do it this weekend over the phone (they live overseas) but I am starting to want to run away from the whole thing... including from my girlfriend because I am just weak and pathetic. I don't know if I can do this. Im terrified and feel like a child. argh!

[Tired Soul]

at the moment alcohol is the answer. dont know what else to do.

[Harvey]

Do your parents not have any idea at all? Usually parents know these things but just wait for you to tell them. How are your parents generally with the gay subject?
You could tell them simply by dropping it in to conversation, i.e if they ask you what you have been up to recently, you could just say "oh I went to such and such a place with my girlfriend". If you bring it up in this way, it will sound more natural and they may be more accepting of it. You could also always go with the "I need to tell you something" approach, but this may put too much pressure on your shoulders and they may panic without reason.

Which ever way you do tell them, you need to be sure that you are ready for them to know. Just because you feel it has been a long time coming, doesn't necessarily mean that you should tell them. If you are honestly ready, then do tell them because it may also be even harder to tell them the longer you leave it. Coming out to your parents is always a scary decision, and their reaction could go either way, but remember to give them some time to deal with it if you need to.

What ever you decide, make sure it is the right decision and either way good luck

[Reeta]

You obviously feel the need to come out otherwise you wouldnt be thinking about it.

Maybe once you get into a conversation with your parent you could just say 'you do know im gay, dont you?' and see where that take you.

[Tired Soul]

I am planning on just ringing them up tonight and blurting it out in my conversation. Just sort of saying shes my gf and that thought they should know. I feel like its kind of a deadline because im taking her over to stay at my parents at christmas time and so want to tell them beforehand. Its a huge mess and my head is killing me. there will never be a time that it will feel ok to tell them. i would never tell them if i had a choice but i am so so so tired of pretending around them, and if i could be honest about this part of my life then i could relax a little more about having lied to them about everything else in my life such as my depression and self harm and destructive and dangerous lifestyle i have lived up until now because of all the rapes and the abuse and the hurt.

im so scared theyll hate me. what if they react really badly. im so scared. i feel like im 5. i hate myself and if my parents hate me for this, it will break me. im so scared

thank you for your replies though, it makes a difference xx

[Harvey]

Your parents may find it a shock to begin with, there is no way of knowing how they will react. I doubt they will hate you though, yes they may take a while to come to terms with it, but you are their child, their own flesh and blood. If they have no idea about it, then it may take some time to get use to, but don't take this personally. Most parents are shocked when their child comes out to them, it is only natural. I know it is hard, but try to act as naturally as possible, that way the more confident you sound, the more likely they are to realise that you are happy and that there is nothing for them to worry about.

[Tired Soul]

well ive finished my bottle of malibu and now going to drink my bottle of prosecco (something some students gave me haha) And then i think i will call my parents and just tell them. I can't take it anymore. It will be awful but it will be done in the end. I can do what i want to myself afterwards, so that's what's important i guess... they can't control much at all! I am so scared but I hope it will go ok. Argh

[Harvey]

If you drink too much you may end up saying more than you intend and not remember what you have said in the morning. I can understand you wanting to give yourself some "dutch courage" but how about trying to calm your thoughts now and write down what you want to say to them before drinking the second bottle. You might find that if you wait the first drink will kick in and you will be a little more relaxed about speaking to them.

[Daisy Bell]

I just told my mum I had a girlfriend and she was just like oh and went silent but she is fine about it really it was just a bit of a shock. It wasn't as bad as it could have been really I did wonder if she would mind with her religious beliefs. Probably best not to do it drunk though you might find yourself saying do you know I f*** my girlfriend or something awful. Good luck.

[Tired Soul]

ive done it! Im so f****d haha