I don't know if I should still be here. I don't offer much, I avoid so much that may trigger, I want too much but give too little.
I'm stupid stupid stupid. But I'm doing ok. Better than I was a while back anyway. I never felt I deserved support then so how can I possibly now? I know people must read my posts and think 'what the f*** is she whingeing about???'
If I'm honest I do feel that things are getting better. Slowly, steadily, bit by bit. 'Stuff' kicks up, sometimes more, sometimes less, but slowly slowly the 'less' becomes more if that makes any sense? Or maybe I just deal with the 'more' better than before?
I still crave that outlet, that support, the thoughts and hugs as less becomes more, but to deserve that I must give. But to give feels risky at the moment.
I don't know. I guess I just want the lovely people here to know I want to give, I just don't know if I can.