Hi, I'm new here and I guess I just need to talk to someone, anyone that will understand.
I started self harmig when I was 5. By the time I was 12 I started cutting. Long story short I managed 2.5 years not cutting. I didn't want my children growing up with a mum who has to hide the cuts.
But I stopped being able to cope.
I spend every day sobbing, alone and just trying to cope with looking after my two kids. I'm married but he doesn't understand my feelings at all, and to be fair I hardly see him anyway. I don't have many friends, and those I do wouldn't understand or even want to try. To be honest I also find it hard to voice why I'm feeling like all I want to do is drink and attack myself with a tool. Sometimes I don't know myself.
I do have one friend I could talk to. Problem is, it's almost impossible to see him or talk to him on the phone. I can beg him to come help me but he can't.
Two weeks ago I gave in to the temptation. I was sensible, I was safe and I did it where my children wont see.
It nearly ended my marriage. I told him a week later 'd done it and he told me to leave. But I didn't, I couldn't leave my kids.
Now I've done it I just want to do it again.
I need help but I don't know what to do.