:trig:
I haven't been here in a long time, however i've come to feel like this place is a kind of safe haven for me when I'm struggling. Even the colours make me feel a little calmer. I feel selfish but I think I need some help or guidance.
I havn't SH'd in a year and five months. Recently though it's back in my thoughts, constantly. I'm constantly anxious. I'm addicted to an extreme anti psychotic that I feel is slowly killing me. I went back to the docs to try to come off the pills but he said the GP can't give me anything that will touch what my tablets are doing. I've previously tried to quit but the withdrawals were horrific. I couldn't go 2 whole days without it. So the doctor wanted to put me back in the system, to go see a psychiatrist I think. That was about 4 weeks ago. My anxiety is strangling me. I'm slipping back to the dark place I was, which scares the heck out of me. But, jeez all i want so bad is to SH just to give myself a bit of peace. It's been long enough since i've done it that I can only remember that feeling,intoxicating gah. I'm scared. The only reason I havnt done it is because i'll let down my SO. I'm so glad I havnt but i'm so close. Got tools n stuff. Blah. Sorry.
Think I needed to write that down. I wanted to post it here because I honestly am like surviving. But the last few months I've been regressing.
Thankyou