Progress.

[Lorien]

  So glad to hear that all your hard work is paying off. You definitely deserve it.

[so sad]

What a great post to read - I am so proud of you. You have worked incredibly hard to get to this point - enjoy it and please keep us updated.

Mx

[Terri]

Hey. Thank you for being so kind and encouraging.

I'm doing alright, you know? It's my 34th birthday and I've had a lovely 3 days of celebrations. So many people telling me they're proud of me and what a lovely person I am. It feels weird, the praise. It's not that I don't usually get praise from other people - I'm lucky enough that I do - but it doesn't sit right. I'm really,  really trying to accept the positivity coming in my direction. It's certainly taking practice.


I start university in just over two months. I'm excited and nervous, which I think is pretty 'normal' when it comes to new adventures. I'm trying to go in with the attitude of 'I'm going to give it a go and if it doesn't work out, that's ok - it'll have taken courage to have even tried.' I think that if I can keep reminding myself of that, it'll take the pressure off and I'll be far less stressed about the whole thing. I'm going to try really hard to accept that what will be will be.

I've got 9 weeks of DBT left. 8 weeks after tomorrow's session. I'm a little anxious about finishing. It'll feel sad to leave the group and I'll miss my 1:1 therapist. We've been working together a long time (she was my CC before she was my therapist and before that she knew me from the local psych ward.) I'm not too terrible at endings, as I know they are part of life and have to happen. They're still painful though, you know? I know that I'll cope ok and that finishing this piece of work is a positive thing. I've only nearly gone and done it. Two rounds of DBT!

I think, post-DBT, I'm due to try doing some self compassion work with my SCM practitioner. I'm a bit apprehensive about it, and also a little sceptical, but I'll give it a shot. We're also going to work on reducing medication with the view to coming off it completely. It's going to be done slowly, under the guidance of my consultant psychiatrist. It's the venlafaxine I'm most concerned about coming off of. I've been on a reasonably high dose for about 13 years and it's notoriously awful to stop. A day at a time with that one, for sure! It'll be nice to be med free. It'll be the first time in about 20 years (I was put on fluoxetine when I was 15.)

At some point, I will need to think about whether or not to do the trauma work I've been offered. I am leaning towards doing it with the MH team initially, if I can crack the self-compassion stuff. I think if I launch into trauma work without working on the way I view myself, I could really struggle. Something to talk about with my SCM person when I next see her.

I'm hopeful.

[so sad]

Hi Terri

Happy Birthday 

Your post sounds incredibly positive. A lot going on, things you probably didn't dream were options not that long ago.

Uni - very brave, very exciting and a huge step in the direction you want to go. How many hours a week is it? You've got the right attitude as well, if it works, it works, if it doesn't, then you tried and you will still have gained from trying. What course is it again?

DBT - 2 rounds of DBT is a huge achievement and apparently not very common. Can you stay in some sort of contact with the group? Just after I left, someone set up a messenger group which we all dip in and out of every now and again but I know they are there if I need them. I really struggled with losing my 1-2-1 therapist. I get very attached and I knew that would be all part of the journey and the battle. I need to make a huge effort to practice the skills - I didn't do too well when I first finished but that was because I didn't make the effort to use the skills. I learnt the hard way!

Self compassion work will be very challenging but you've obviously identified the need for it and have sought it out rather it being forced on you. I did a self-compassion group after DBT but because it was a group it was a bit too generic for me but I do try to use the principles as much as possible. Good luck.

I came off a high dose of venflaxine a few years ago - I took it incredibly slowly and did it over a long period of time - I didn't find it as bad as I had feared.

Good luck with everything Terri - you have made so much progress, battled all the way and I know you find it hard to hear, but I am SUPER proud of you  .

M x

[Terri]

Hey. 


It's been a while. I do pop in occasionally, but thought I'd post a bit of an update for anyone who might remember me.


I finished DBT at the beginning of September. It was a hard couple of years, especially to begin with, but it is the most helpful type of treatment that I've ever had. I've also completed the SCM program and I have my last appointment with the CMHT next week - I'm being discharged! I am so, so pleased. I'm 34 now. I've been in services since I was about 15 and I self-harmed from the age of 11. It's a really weird feeling, the feeling that I'm not going to be under the MH team, but it's definitely the right time and there's a solid plan in place for if things ever deteriorate to the point of needing intervention.


I no longer work in the pharmacy. I was there for almost 9 years, and my goodness they were amazing. I honestly don't think I'd be alive if it hadn't been for the job/team, but it was time to move forwards. The pharmacy I worked in was based in the hospital where a lot of negative stuff happened around my emotions and behaviours, and going back to the building twice a week was detrimental towards the end of my employment there. I now work as a coder in a GP surgery and it's amazing! The team is great, the job is interesting and it's better money than I've ever earned before - and that makes a difference as I'm now off benefits. It's sometimes a bit scary knowing that my financial security is reliant on me being able to go to work and attend university (student loan), but it's also really nice.


I've started university, studying towards a BSc. I've submitted four assignments so far and passed them all (with marks of 67, 69, 77 and 78), my lecturers are frequently complementary and best of all - I'm really enjoying it. University is never something I would have managed pre-DBT; life was way too chaotic, with frequent self-destructive behaviours and regular admission to hospital. The pressure would have gotten to me and I would have cracked, but as of yet, I haven't. I'm keeping up with the work, I've made good connections with fellow students and my attendance so far has been 100%.


 



I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm awake because I'm living a life that I didn't ever think was possible. There have been times over the years where I have been very, very close to dying because of my behaviours. Times where I've thought I've wanted to die, and have wished there was such a thing as palliative mental health care. I am now so very glad that I made it through alive.


Keep going. 

[Turtle]

Terri, this was so so beautiful to read! I think about you often on this site, so it's nice to hear you're getting on so well. It sounds like there's so much good and exciting stuff going on - a huge well done to you for all the work you've put in to getting to this point!

[jackgrillo]

Terri, that is amazing news! You've worked so hard, and you've come so far. It is amazing to hear all these positive things about you and your life - you so deserve it.

You are amazing.