Uncertainty with my future MH care.

[Tucan]

Oh no bless you. 

[Vermilion]

 

I'm kinda scared because I'm struggling already. I was clear with my CC that I'm struggling. I don't know how I'm going to manage, I'm getting really dark thoughts at times and I don't know how I'm going to survive. Not that I want to live, I just can't put my family through it. I have no one to talk to about this and it's just unbearable and sometimes frightening but I can't be honest about it with others because there's too much stigma and some people simply don't believe MH problems are real.

Here we go again eh? 

[Tucan]

Take care. Not sure what to say.

[Vermilion]

Apparently the b**n specialist contacted services and now I'm seeing a CPN/CC on Tuesday..  While it's nerve wracking I'm glad that something is being offered because I've been really struggling. I've done a lot of harm.

[Tucan]

Oh no that's not good that you have done so much harm. It is good that you'll be seeing a cpn.

[Vermilion]

Thank you

It's been really difficult lately so I really hope the new CC can help, plus I have an assessment with a clinical psychologist at the end of this month too. It's tough but at least something is being done. I can't continue like this, it's painful to walk because of the harm that I've done to my legs. This needs to stop.

I think that I'll feel better when I have some sort of plan in place. I know that part of it is to get me 'stable' enough to be able to get therapy/counseling to deal with certain past trauma, as I've posted in the full members room. It's going to be difficult at first because it's all with new people but I have to do it. The trouble is that a lot of these therapies are no geared towards people with autism so I guess I'll have to tweak a lot of it to suit me. 

[Tucan]

I only just started talking about childhood trauma after 2 years of counselling. These things take time and you have to trust people first. Happy some things are being put into place for you. Bunny hugs?

[icicle]

My guess is that the clinical psychologist may have some knowledge of Autism- perhaps your concerns about suitability are something that you can raise when you see her/him?

[Lorien]

The trouble is that a lot of these therapies are no geared towards people with autism so I guess I'll have to tweak a lot of it to suit me. 

Probably, but it can be done. It's definitely worth asking about things they might do differently.

Also I think it's worth saying - deciding that it needs to stop is probably the best to start from in making it stop. That isn't easy but it can be done too.

[Vermilion]

It probably is possible to tweak things but it's so hard. I think that one of the issues I have is taking things too literally, a lot of the stuff is difficult for me to apply to myself y'know? It's hard to explain. I am hoping that the CC will have some understanding or at least understand that I'm not deliberately being difficult. Part of me is a bit scared because I've had really awful experiences with various MH staff but I need to remember that the dx is on my records and hopefully my lack of eye contact etc won't be misinterpreted.

I do hope that I'll be able to stop SH but even just reducing the severity would be good. I'm sick of hospitals and specialists, I have to see enough of them with my various medical issues and I really don't need to increase hospital visits with SH too.

I'll be seeing the new CC tomorrow so I do hope it goes okay.