Scars *SH*

[Terri]

I am sad about my scars. The warm weather doesn't help how I feel, you know?


I've got scars everywhere. Arms, legs, tummy, breasts, feet, hands, shoulders and hips. I've got scars from cuts and burns and stitches and skin grafts. Most of them are white now, a few bright red ones, but mostly old and faded.


I'm sad because they're always going to be there. There's nothing that can be done about them. I'm due to start DBT at the end of the year, and my cpn is confident that I may well never self harm again when it's finished.


If ever I met someone romantically (only ever after DBT when I'm 'stable' - I would want a partner and not a carer), how would I go about telling them that underneath my clothes I look like a monster? It's not OK.


I feel massive amounts of regret right now. I know that that's not helpful and that I can't change it, so what I need to do it just get on with things. It'a hard though. I feel disgusting.

[Tucan]

  scars are difficult. Slowly over time can you show some of them? Build up your confidence slowly

[Vermilion]

I'm planning to get tattoos on my arms to cover the worst of my scars. I'm going to get the ones that mean something, sort of a way to turn my scars into a symbol of what I've been through and how I've recovered (I'm a long way from that yet). How about seeing a tattoo artist to see what your options are?

Re romantic partners I'd say that anyone you will be intimate with will be aware of the past right? If you've discussed past SH they will expect there to be scars. Plus, the are things that you can wear in bed to make it feel better, there are things like sexy lingerie or body paint if it would make you feel better. Honestly, it's never been too much of an issue for me other than the initial admitting to the SH. Are you worrying because you've had bad experiences in the past? Like, has a previous partner been nasty about it?

Honestly, you'll be fine. 

[Lorien]

Hey Terri,

I'm sorry things are tough at the moment.

I get being worried about a partner being more of a carer. But, I've found that mostly looking out for each other is part of a relationship anyway and that in essence we take a somewhat caring role for each other at different times. The past couple of weeks they have pretty much looked after me, but there are times when I do that too. When it is reciprocal, it doesn't really feel like that. It is probably a bit different in that we met here, so s/h was the first thing we knew about each other. But she has always been accepting of scars and how I feel about them. I think most people have hang ups about their body in some way or other. So respecting where the other is at with that aspect of themselves is part of the territory.

I choose not to show scars in any situation other than at home just the two of us in places where no one would see through a window, but that took a long time. when I lived alone, I wasn't even comfortable unless required - bath/ shower etc.

The DBT sounds good - are you feeling alright about it?

Are there things that you can normally do to switch off from thinking about scars?