My experience of the Capita PIP assessment **Mentions SH/SUI**

[Tucan]

It sounds really difficult. Bless you. I am sorry they are being somawful to you.

[Vermilion]

Appeal is next month. Crap, I'm f*****g scared. I'm starting to panic, I can't do it. 

They'll think I'm lying. What if they turn me down? I'll feel like a t*** if I'm not entitled after all this.

I've been trying to get better by not thinking about this stuff, reading back through the paperwork is really triggering and now I have to read it again. This is one hell of a knock back, I've not harmed or binged for several days but now....? How else can I cope with these feelings!? I'll try not to but it might happen anyway, I can't always control it.

It's in the crowded city, in a building I've never been to and I have to talk about personal things with people that I don't know. I can't do it.

Crap crap crap crap. I'm overwhelmed again. I can't think because my head us too full of noise. I don't know what to do, I don't think I can do this. 

[Tucan]

Have you got somebody to go with you?

[Vermilion]

Yeah, my family are going with me and the CAB will be helping with the process. I'm still scared out of my mind though, I've got to talk about SH in front of strangers, not to mention the other emabrassing stuff. The city is crowded and it's such a big place and easy to get lost. I don't know how I'll cope with the noise and people. 

[Tucan]

It is a big thing. Having support with you does help though.

[Lorien]

Can you go with someone to the place on a not busy day as a practice? Maybe a week day late morning? Then have something planned to help you relax. Sometimes I find that helps me mentally prepare because there is less to think about.

[Vermilion]

That's a good idea. I'll try but the place is far away. The CAB are helping me prepare too so at least I'll have a better idea of the process. This is horrible .

[Tucan]

I am sorry it is so horrible. Wish I could make it better for you.

[Vermilion]

I've barely been able to look at the form, it's triggering and just downright embarrassing. My anxiety is getting worse again (I'll post more in my other thread). These things are supposed to be confidential but I have to talk about it with the CAB and then at a tribunal, I basically have to go to court. I feel like a criminal whose being put on trial by this nasty government who are against me. They and their minions at Crapita/ATOS are heartless cold and calculating psychopaths, they don't care about anyone other than themselves and will harm anyone who gets in their way- that is what a psychopath is. 

*rant over*

Anyway, I have an appt soon with the CAB, my mam is coming to support me and helping with the cost of taxis there and back. It's on my mind constantly, I've been making progress and this is undoing it. Even though my family support me this is very stressful, I'm feeling so overwhelmed again  .

[Tucan]

It is an overwhelming process unfortunately. Nobody should have to go through it.