Medication, family and ed *trig sh & ed*

[Anon13]

My counsellor made me go and see my GP last week because i have been getting really bad recently with my depression and self harm. He wants me to go and see my psychiatrist so that i can go on medication because he feels that is the only way forward. I have a few issues here and i need some advice if anyone has any.

So firstly, i've been really struggling recently with purging, and i can't stop myself from doing it. I was trying to reduce it  to like only once or twice a day, and I was actually going okay with that until a couple of months ago when it started again full force and i can't eat even a tiny bit without feeling really ill, and guilty, and then going and purging. I'm worried because obviously if i start medication then my purging is really bad, because if i get rid of the medication in my system then it's clearly not going to work. No one knows about the purging, not even the counsellor i am seeing at school and i'm scared to tell her, even though she's usually the only one i trust enough to tell things. I'm also scared because obviously if the doctor says i need to be on medication, then i want to listen to him. I want to try anything that could help with all of the emotions in my head. So i'm worried that if they find out that i'm purging then they won't let me go on medication, because it won't work, and i then won't be able to try and get better with the medication. I don't want to close off that method of help just because i can't get myself to stop.

I'm also worried to go to my psychiatrist and tell him that the doctor wants me to start medication. I know it's ridiculous but i feel like he'll think i'm making it up and that i just want to go on medication, or that i'm over exaggerating how i feel for some reason to go on medication. I feel like it's to attention seeking to go and ask to be put on medication, even though the doctor literally told me to do exactly that. I don't ave a very goo relationship with my psychiatrist - i don't feel like he cares what i'm saying, or that he's listening to me, and i always find myself under-playing my emotions because i feel like he thinks i'm just a kid who doesn't know what i'm talking about. It's weird because i usually see the good in everyone, and i find myself liking everyone, even though i don't open up to any of them.

I'm also worried about medication because i know that my parents dont agree with it. They think that i should just be able to get over it, and they think that psychiatrist just instantly go to medication without considering any other option - i think they just don't want to admit that i'm actually not doing great at the moment (and that's fine; it's probably really scary for them), but it means that i don't really want to try medication, even though it might help, because i feel like i'm attention seeking, or that i'm a hypochondriac.

If anyone has any uggestions or advice about what i could do for any of these issues, it would be much appreciated.

[Rob]

 :welcome:

I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling about your best support options.

From what you've said here, your issue about purging is something that needs to be addressed - your reasons for wanting to are probably a contributory factor to your depression and self harm. It's not just about the effects on any possible medication that you might be offered, but also the harmful effects purging has on your body - it's not just about bring food up but how it detrimentally affects your whole digestive chemistry and eventual damage to your oesophagus. You do need to talk about it with your GP/psychiatrist.

There are alternative options to medication, and it's not necessarily the option that you'll be offered, unless your psych thinks that it's the best one for you, but if you do go down that route, as you've already surmised, you will need to stop purging for them to have a beneficial effect on you. 

The best thing to do when seeking help, is to be honest about how you really feel because that is the way to get the most appropriate response. If you hold back, you won't get the best help, and it looks like the help that you do get won't be as effective as it could be. Nobody wants to prescribe meddies any more than people want to take them unnecessarily, so make sure that any help that you're getting is the right help for you, by being open with the people who are trying to make you feel better.