Things are good :)

[terrified heart]

Thanks Hun xx

Don't want to make a big deal of this, and I'm sure I will feel good again soon, but I'm struggling a bit at present.

Have been very anxious and panicky last couple of days. Feel like people are looking at me when I'm out, like I've done something and they are judging me. Feel kinda under threat. My head feels foggy and I feel confused and out of sorts

I'll be ok, I know I'm going to be fine. Just need to get through this spell. I'm sure my depot will help on Weds. Trying to keep things as normal as possible so have been out and about, and went to the gym this morning.

I will be ok.

[Rob]

Weren't you going to talk about the timings of your depot last time, because you felt like this then, and then you felt better after your depot?

[terrified heart]

Hi Rob, yeah that's right. I spoke to psych about it last month, but he didn't want to change the frequency of the depot until he knows if its a pattern or a coincidence. I'm seeing him again on Weds before I have my depot so I'm going to let him know. The CPN that administers it wants to give it 4 weekly, but can't without psych changing the prescription.

Weds not far away now, so I know it's not long until I'll feel better again. I'm going to stay positive even tho things feel hard. Last 3/4 weeks have been really good and I'm not ready to let that go.

[Rob]

I think that sounds sensible - it's often a little easier hanging on when you know it's for a short finite time. 

[terrified heart]

  yes, I agree Rob.

Not feeling too bad emotionally today. I've been out food shopping and kept the paranoia in check. Anxiety not been bad today either.

I'm incredibly tired again today. I'm sleeping a good 8-9hrs a night, but really tired in the day. I've had a nap again today. Don't know if that could be related to needing the depot though. I guess I'll find out after Weds.

Got a girl coming between 5&6pm to buy my old guinea pig cage. I don't need the money, but it is welcome all the same. It's been taking up room in my shed for months so I'm glad it will be getting put to use again.

Might ring support worker tomorrow just to let her know how the last few days have been. I will tell my psych about it on Weds, but I'm worried that in doing so he will not let me stop the clopixal. I really do think I'll be fine without it though, I've cut the dose down considerably and been fine. I really want to stop it now. I'm also going to ask for 2 weeks of meds at a time instead of 1 week. I've not had any OD thoughts for a long time and I feel ready to take that step.

[unknown_member]

glad you feel a little better today hun ... xx

8-9 hours sleep a night isn't too much... I'm on a depot and I need at least 12 hours a night... it's strong medication, you need to give yourself a break xxx

I'm glad you've recognised the pattern and hopefully it can be altered now...

hopefully they will take your request for fortnightly prescriptions into consideration .. is it a hassle picking them up weekly?

xx

[terrified heart]

Hi Jewel

I guess having a nap in the day isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just that I've been really awake and full of energy for 3-4 weeks, and the tiredness sort of hit me a week or so ago. I was loving the feeling of being alert and not tired. On the plus side I'm still managing to get up early

Picking up my meds weekly isn't really a hassle as my pharmacy is on the same road as the shop I work in. It wouldn't really matter if they keep me on weekly scripts. I just want to show that I can be trusted with more medication and take some more responsibility for myself. I go on holiday in Sept for 11 days so will need to collect 2 weeks worth before I go. Will see what psych says.

[terrified heart]

Things have settled down again now and I'm feeling pretty good Still struggling a bit with tiredness, and am curious to see if that eases after my depot tomorrow. Not really had any paranoia or weird thoughts last couple of days (at least no more than usual!). Will probably stick to having depot last Wednesday of each month as its much easier to remember than having to track the 4 weeks. See what psych says tho.

Was going to go to the gym yesterday after work, but I fell asleep on the sofa and didn't feel like it when I woke up. Bit annoyed with myself for not going. I'm going swimming tonight tho so looking forward to that, and have pencilled in the gym for tomorrow and Friday.

Appointment with psych tomorrow at 12.20, then I'll have my depot, then I'm going out with support worker. Working again Thurs and Fri, so busy week, but that is good.

[terrified heart]

Saw psych this morning. He said he has never seen me so well in the 2yrs he's known me. He asked if this was my normal level of mood/functioning when I wasn't unwell, but I've been unwell since I was 14 so it's very hard to tell. He said he is pleased with how I am, and if I can maintain this then that would be great. But he also said he is concerned I may go 'high' so I've got to keep an eye out for things like sleeping less, talking too fast, or having racing thoughts. Hopefully none of that will happen though.

Asked for the clopixal to be stopped (I've gone from 6 tablets a day to 2 already), but he wouldn't stop it. Said I can cut down to 1 tablet for 3-4 weeks, then if all ok I can stop it. He also said in a month or so he is going to slightly reduce my AD. I'm currently on above the recommended maximum dose, and he wants to cut down to the recommended max dose. I've been on this dose since my Sui attempt in Nov 2011, and I'm a bit nervous about cutting down.

[Rob]

Sensible to pace things carefully rather than rush into changes - your psych is ensuring that you can maintain how you are now, and I'd agree that it's better to make gradual adjustments and see what effect that makes rather than anything more drastic. Slow changes can always be easily readjusted if necessary with the least disruption. Obviously your psych is mindful that you're on a high dose of your ADs and is going to try and make that slight adjustment if possible - if it can be dropped even slightly without adversely affecting you, it can make a difference to your long term well being.

I think that it's all sounded good news!