any advice?

[kirsty]

Hi. I have been a member of this website for years, but have been away from it for about three years as i have been well. I came off medication, got married and thought that was the end of it. I have been depressed in the past, also had other issues which i thought were done with. However, recently i have been feeling anxious and jumpy at the slightest thing. I am not sleeping, so am quite tired, which makes the anxiety worse.
I have not sh yet, mainly due to the lack of opportunity. I am currently unemployed as my business collapsed due to the recession. I have never been unemployed and i hate it. I dont know if i should speak to someone about it. My husband is lovely but he has eating problems and has also self harmed. I dont want to make him feel bad. I am not sure what to do as the anxiety is a new thing for me. I had therapy for several years, i have not seen my therapist for about 5 years. I am not sure what i would achieve by asking for help.. Sorry for ranting, just a bit confused and not sure what to do.

[caspers smudj]

hi hun and welcome back
first things first
are you on any meds? if not good idea to see a dr and see if he can give you something to help the anxiety
well done for not sh - major step there
anxiety is normal when you are unemplyed as i know you have money worries etc.
please see the dr as a first step and keep talking to us
xxx

[kirsty]

Hi m.
I am not on any meds at the moment. I was on antidepressants and anti psychotics for a short time during a bad patch. I am not sure about how i would go about starting a convesation with the doctor. I am just so frustrated that i am back to this point again. I also do not want to tell my family that i  struggling, as they will only panic.
I am proud of avoiding sh,although how much longer i can avoid it is debatable! Also, i  not sure if i can say this here, if not delete it, but i always sh on my arms. I now have been wearing shorter sleeves,and everyone is used to my scars. If i were to start wearing long sleeves again then people would ask questions. I have sh in other places, but it just isnt as satisfying. I know it is sick.
I know all the distraction techniques, avoiding sh etc. But i cant help the feelings.

[caspers smudj]

yeah i know what you mean about the feeolings
as for long sleeves - it is winter at the moment so long sleeves is acceptable
and in summer you can get some really pretty floaty long sleeved tops if you do start again
i hope you dont though
could you write a letter to your dr and take it with you to the appointment - or email him or anything before you go and see him?
x

[kirsty]

I will try and write it down. I tried today to write it down in my diary, i can say it in my head but have difficulty getting it on paper or saying it.
I am ashamed of how i feel, i think because i see myself as just indulging in my impulses and expecting others to sort out my messes. I have never done it for attention, but i feel like it is attwntion seeking by aaking for help and i should just suffer through it.
I am not sure how i am going to avoid hurting myself.
Thank you for replying, it means a lot.

[Rob]

Sometimes it helps to record things aloud, and then write them down later - memo recorders on mobile phones seem a popular and easy way of doing it.

Asking for help is difficult for many people - usually more because they feel awkward rather than attention seeking, but if you really can use professional help and support, those people are there specifically for that purpose. I often say that it's better to get help for a while and hopefully get things sorted out then to suffer until things become impossible.

[kirsty]

Thanks rob. I dont sh for attention, but if i ask for hekp i think it makes me look like i am doing it for attebtion if that makes sense? And by talking about it i am worried that i will just make things worse. Can anxiety cause these problems?
I am sorry i keep asking questions.

[Patient Pianist]

Hi

i know what you mean about not being ble to get things down on papeer the same way they sound in your head.  Rob's idea could work, i used to use a dictaphone and kind of talk through the tings in my head outloud....

i don't think that by asking for hlp it makes it appear that you are self harming for attention.  i think that's a very different situation to you being worried about it as an option and asking for some help to prevent it or to help you through it.  i know it can be frustrating finding yourself back in a position that you thought was in the past, but use past experience, you managed to get away from it before and you can again.

i think anxiety can casue all sortts of problems, some general and some more person specific.  the anxiety itself would be a good starting point with a Dr...

 

[kirsty]

I hate being back where i was, i thought that once i got over it i would be free of it all. But i am annoyed with myself for letting myself get like this again. Sorry for ranting, i am exhausted today due to little sleep abd the distractions i usually use do not seem to help.

[caspers smudj]

hi again
you could try one of my counsellors ideas
instead of seeing it as going round in circles and coming back to the same place again and again, try seeing yourself on a pathway which runs through your life
there will be all kinds of things to trip you up on the pathway and sometimes with people like us, thy make you want to hurt your self
you are not going backwards, just forwards and coming across other difficulties in your life to deal with
you will get through this and find a nice place on your path again
you have before and you will again
xx