Hey All, I think i have found out the reasons why my depression been quite bad recently and im sure its because of something that i have had all of my life. Basically, throughout my childhood, teen years and adulthood, I have been excluded socially from groups, in work people would never say oh lets go and coffee after work/lunch to de-stress and i have always been alone and I think finally now i am realising it. To me it's been "normal part of life" and the same goes for college, 6th form and university and recently I was told to "F*** off" by someone in my group. (actual quote) So every coffee shop visit or seeing 6th formers/workers in town doing their every day routine makes me feel depressed. So now I won't budge from the house.
In reality I have no confidence to even say hello and i am more likely to ignore anyone who tries to speak to me and also I am very cllingy/intensely to friends and family members.
If i didn't have my best friends two friends, I would definitely end my life without a second thought.