Mentalisms. The raging war. *poss trigs*

[catapult]

Yeah thanks Bea im ok with it. Wanted it closed mid temper tantrum a while ago but im using it now anyway, so leave it open, thanks tho!!

Thanks guys, doc found it amusing id run on a known about injury an made it worse myself. Stoopid!! Got tendonitis & medial tibia stress fracture in both legs. Not allowed to run for 6 weeks, booooo!!  Treatment? Uber strong NSAID's and painkillers, and a licence to sit on my butt all day long. Well thatll soon change once im back at work in a few weeks, so i think ill take advantage of the order to be a slob for a month.

BOOOO!! to running injuries. Pah! Lifes comedy timing eh, its a corker 

[Faded~Lady]

Hope it gets better soon  :holdingflower: 

[Broken Wings]

You to that hun,when your back at work you won't have time to slob out,hope your not in too much pain,its a b***** ain't it the physcial implications your mind is firing on all cylinders but your body don't or can't keep up.

Take real good care of those pins of yours hun and yourself  :hug1:xxx

[catapult]

Aww thanks you guys, i really appreciate the kind words 

Have devised a part hobble part climb method, of getting around the house an up & down the stairs. It would be fun without the pain! I didnt say before coz i was still a little miffed by what happened, but my doc gave me a script for NSAIDs and 100!! VERY strong painkillers. Now i weighed up the options with that, and because hed said i could go to A&E an pick up some crutches if i felt i needed them,  proceeded to get the NSAIDS, and told pharmacist i didnt want the painkillers. Honestly? I dont want to have 100 strong tablets in my posession. Im not in 'that' mindframe anymore, but i refuse to have 'excess' medication in my house as it puts me under stress knowing theyre there. Im not an overdose risk anymore on one level, but i dont want temptation waved under my nose either. SO! I goes off to hospital for crutches, to help with weight bearing as i didnt get the painkillers, and there was some mix up at which point i lost my temper, got upset, and walked all the way home, minus crutches ANYWAY. Im a fool, i know, i know. I already had B round flicking me in the forehead like a noob. (that was mainly due to my having a big bee in my bonnet and refusing to answer the phone to the doc when they were later calling me).

So!!!! In short! I kept myself safe today, by refusing to take an excessive amount of painkillers into my possession, and taking life the hard way instead. (granted it would be easier if id picked the crutches up instead of having an emotional fit but hey, cant be awesome all the time can i?) So im proud of that. Will just persue my new hobble/climb method of getting around. Thank god for the guns!!!

[catapult]

Thanks Foaly  When i got to a&e i said my gp had sent me down for some crutches, they had to cjeck me in an speak to their doctor anyway. Ive met this guy before, lets just say hes minus people skills. He told me my injury didnt require crutches an i was fine to walk without as id gotten there in the first place. I exlained what my gp had told me an was just doing as instructed. He then proceeded to call my gp, then came back to me. He said 'your doctor has 'been told' and now he knows better than to send patients to a&e for these things. Hes given you painkillers & NSAIDs and we thing you should just use them'. Well i got upset at this point coz i felt like an absolute idiot even tho it wasnt my fault, due to being upset i wasnt able to get my head in order enuff to stand my ground and tell him i hadnt gotten the painkillers and the reason why. So i thanked him, apoligised for wasting his time and bust into tears as soon as i got out of the door.

I called the gp surgery back (with head in gear) and explained what had happened to the receptionist, she said shed get my gp to call me back. As i was in the hospital i figured id go pick my uniforms up out of my locker, theyve been in it since last july (last attempt at returning to work) so i figured theyd need a wash and a freshen up, an i went an dropped my sicknote off at my boss's office. Still no phonecall so i threw a temper tantrum, called the surgery back an told the receptionist to tell my gp not to bother with the callback, ILL MANAGE WITHOUT!!!! THANKS!!! Then proceeded to ignore all attempts by my gp to get hold of me for the rest of the day  Im a capricorn, im supposed to be a stubborn old goat.

So! I didnt handle all that very well! But no lasting damage done. I can be such an impetulant child at times 

[catapult]

Thanks for the suggestion, but im just gonna do without. I dont fancy having to walk into town every other day, im on a licence to be lazy!! I can handle the pain, if it gets too much ill just have to abide by the rules and actually sit down an put my feet up. An not spend all morning lifting and carrying and dismantling furniture and rebuilding it to move bedrooms, like i have today 

Bad me, baaaaad me. My adductor muscles are having to over compensate for my damaged shins, now theyre sore too  :blushing: Am really not helping myself here. But lets forget im supposed to be not moving, and be happy! Coz a new climbing wall is opening near me on monday!!! Am this exited  :yahooo:

Technically its not running and if i make sure i dont fall off there shouldnt be any issues of compacting my fractures, yay! Whoop!

(fingers in ears an eyes closed an not listening to the many voices telling me to REST!!!!) Those who cant need to move aside and make way for those that DO!!! Uh, both those apply to me. The words rock and hard place come to mind, i say climb it! rotfl

[catapult]

Morning forum *yawns*

Dead groggy this morning, latlely when im sleeping its more like being unconciouss (i can never spell that) an it takes me a while to rouse. Meeting my sister today, shes going to get a tattoo an asked me to go with her. So ill be going out later. Which should break my day up. Feel really flat, with a good dose of anxiety thrown in for good measure.

Legs are sore. New climbing place opening been put back to the 20th, which im not really bothered about, i cant actually afford to go till the 25th anyway so no great loss there. Im worried about getting up for work when im sleeping like this. Gonna have to take my meds ridiculously early and hope i sleep longer and get up fresher. Im going back on a phased return, for the first couple of weeks im starting at 9 so will be getting up at 7, but after that im back on normal hours so starting at 7, which means me getting up at 5am. My most dead to the world time. I know it used to knacker me out before anyway (back in married life). Id get in from work about 2pm, and go to bed for a couple of hours. Am just worried about it, and because ill be back at work ill be coming off ESA and be liable for my own rent & council tax etc. Im worried about not being able to afford everything. Im going back Feb 1st, so everythings going to change in the month following that. STRESSED!!!! I need support thru this. I think today is going to require alot of coffee.

[catapult]

Ive been living here since March, its private rented. A homeless assoc. found this place for me, as i was pretty much sofa surfing after i left my husband. Ive people i can ask for help if i start to struggle. Its hard to believe the life i used to live, when i was married, big house with a big mortgage and everything else that went along with it! Lifes different on your own. After living with someone for nearly a decade, then being on your own again, things that used to be basic to deal with become big worries.

Ive overcome alot of my harmful habits (long may it last) and im onto dealing with my BPD on a daily basis. Because i feel everything so intensley and the smallest things can make me feel like my world is crashing down around me, i wobble alot. Going back to work and handling the subsequent stressors is pretty much my last big hurdle to getting my life back. Its taken me 18 months to recover from losing everything and having a complete meltdown. I can only hope, and try my best, and that will have to be enough. Just gotta try and keep myself as safe as possible i guess, through it all.

Thanks for the support Foaly, mucho appreciated compadre.

[catapult]

Okay, so ive had the dog for less than 2 hours and i already cant cope. My sister has broken up with her husband and asked me to foster the dog as shes worried about leaving her alone for long periods of time. I was worried about it but tried to look at it as company for me etc. I cant cope. I just tried to take the dog out and shes completley uncontrolable. Her pulling so much has really really hurt my leg injuries and also hunt my hand. Was only out 5 mins an i gave up an came back. Shes trashing my house and obviously doesnt know me so doesnt abide by commands.

I cant cope with this. Im already floored by being injured and worried about returning to work, which is now only 2 weeks away. I cant handle the responsibility but my sister is going to hate me if i dont do this im sure of it. Ive already text her saying the dogs hurt my legs an if i cant cope am gonna have to let her know but i cant cope now. I cant stop crying, this is too much ontop of already being in pain and stressed out.

I cant cope im in bits i dont know what to do

[catapult]

The dogs gone. I lost it. My sisters just picked her back up i totally snapped. Im an absolute wreck an feel so ill. Cant believe how crap i am. Im cant do anything for anyone.

 lock please thanks