Thank you both. Ray knows about this recent episode and has seen it. I'm more worried about work colleagues, people who wait at the bus stop, friends who don't understand mental illness. And i don't know why, but i don't want my psychotherapist to see it - even though i've told him. Plus in 12 days time i'll be back in hospital for another operation (sigh). On top of that whem i see it i feel a failure for not coping.