Author Topic: I am worried my boyfriend could self-harm - what can I do to help him?  (Read 4583 times)

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Offline miya_p

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Hello everyone,

I am worried that my boyfriend could self-harm seriously and I don't know how I can help him. I talk to him about this as much as possible and it seems to help him for the moment but he is convinced that something is wrong with him/his head which is why he feels the way he feels and he doesn't believe that there is anything anyone could say or do to help him get over this in the longer term.

I really want to help him, I never thought that he would harm himself and thankfully he hasn't done anything but the other day he messaged me saying that him and two of his friends have been playing 'toss the tool' - a fun game according to him, then he proceeded to tell me that he nearly hurt himself badly so the game has now been forbidden. Then the next day he sent me a photo of his forearm and there was a quite visible tool trail - not deep enough to cause severe damage but it was visible enough for me to tell what it was- and he clearly wanted me to see it too which I interpret as his asking for help. I really panicked and I got him on the phone immediately (I can't travel to him at the moment due to the whole covid situation/travel bans) - it helped him for the moment but his whole attitude concerns me and I am afraid what could happen in the future. I don't want anything bad to happen to him!

He has been drinking a lot, for quite sometime now, he lives quite a wrecking life at the moment. He knows this is not what he wants and he mentions that he is not happy that he is in his 30s and living the way he is right now but at the same time he refuses to take any actions and actually plan for something else- no matter what encouraging advice I try to give him.

I am not sure how much I can say without triggering him to do something. I really wanted to tell his family but I am not sure that they would know how to deal with this and really help him. He has also asked me not to say a word to them and that I am the only person he can talk to - I have honoured his request and I haven't told anyone.
It is very difficult for me because he pushes away my help and at the same time I also suffer from not being able to really help him.

I would really appreciate hearing your thoughts on this. All advice is welcome!

Thank you,

Offline BA

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It is hard to be in your position, around what you're seeing and hearing. He does need professional help, to deal with his feelings.

Has he said if there's anything he'd like to change about his life?
Strength, courage and wisdom.