Well I am moving back to my mums after trying so very hard at work in Kent to make my job work. I just don't think I had enough fight in me for the job.
I feel very mixed about my move i'm relieved because I couldn't keep on as I was going, but part of me knows i'm running away:
- I'm running away from my job and my responsibilities
- I'm running away from my church, because a. people have got to close and I don't know how to handle it. b. I feel over the top watched and just like people are waiting for me to screw-up c. they were very pushy on Christian Counselling so I'm running scared.
- I'm trying to run from myself [know I can't actually do that one]
But then part of me feels like I need to run to have my fresh start:
- people at home don't know about self-harm
- new job hopefully and one where I am treated better
- a chance to reinvent myself
- a chance to just try again.
I don't know my very close best friend knows everything and said i'm running, i'm like well it's to late now. But the thing is I really feel like I need a new start. But I've kind off been such a b**** pushing my friend away; I just really want to move on and isolate myself at the moment and I can't explain it. All people ever want to do is talk and i'm so over it.
Anyway sorry a bit of a mind dump.
