cloak and dagger?

[Lorien]

I had an appointment with the Psychiatrist I have seen for ages yesterday. I knew that he had spoken to the T on Monday...but I didn't know that during that phone conversation they decided that the 3 of us will meet, what we will talk about, the time it will happen, where it will happen etc.

The Psych just said "we will decide a date between us and let you know. it should give you some time to get used to the idea".

In August the Psych mentioned it as an idea because the T was off for 9 months and we had arranged to do that but then cancelled because she was off. I have had one conversation with the T about it but we didn't agree anything and now they have decided to talk about something totally different to the original one that was planned or what I talked to the T about.

Things have not been great recently and the Psych gave me a blank 'safety plan' to look at and fill in bits of. i am trying to remember that it is generic but it is difficult not to get annoyed with words like 'unwell' & 'relapse'.....I AM NOT F***ING ILL!!

Not ok with it feeling like they are deciding things for me and talking behind my back about stuff without telling me what is going on. The T said that they had talked on the phone but she seems to have said a lot more than she told me that she had. The Psych knew stuff he can't know any other way and it is difficult not to worry about what the f*** else she has said without asking or telling me.

I don't mind them communicating...but I usually know more. I don't understand why they have suddenly become less transparent and started plotting things.
If I can't trust them...who the f*** can I trust

[Lorien]

Ok, so now the t seems to think its better not to carry on because its not helping and has decided to meet with the psychiatrist to 'decide what they are going to do.' then went on about being really complex....

Its hard not to take all of this as punishment for not doing very well at the moment.

On Monday I went to a+e after cutting and had it stitched. Then I waited another 4hours to speak to the crisis team....before the receptionist said that I should go home and call someone else in the morning because no one was going to come.

She completly ignored the fact that I had gone there and askwd to talk to someone...and instead spent most of the time telling me I was sabotaging what she was trying to do.

[jumpingcloud]

Well done for going to A+E it must of taken a lot of courage to do that.
It is upsetting and frustrating to hear how some people can treat others.
I hope they stop leaving you in the dark about your life, treating you like you are less of a person than they are, which is totally wrong.

*cuddles*

[Lorien]

Thanks.

I think that it is just that I take it that way...I dont think they mean it...I dont ecen thonk they think about it. It is just difficult to trust people that aren't telling me things because then I go over all of the possible things they could also be keeping secret

[is_it_true]

You sound just like me.its horrible whn you feel like you are being talked about and not involoved, its your life right. My cco often says o me that when im asked to do things, or a decision has been made for me, for example i was recently told i can only ring in for support twice a week. (To which i did not respond well), she said that all is said to help me amd without judgement. Which is what we fear isnt it, what they think of us. It helped her saying that im notnbeing told what to do because i have done skmehting wrong,its non judgemental and just an idea to try and help.

I also had many a and e trips where ive asked for help, but just been sent on my way. They treat physical, ring crisis who often dont come zp they get you out of their way. But in reality your kind needs as much attention as the cuts. Last time i went i was stuck on an obs ward till 7am,ignored and sent on my way, feeling wlrse than when i initially went in becsuse of not knlwing wjat was going on.

they need to sort out dealing with mh stuff dont they?