Author Topic: Therapy has ended  (Read 3601 times)

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Offline Dragon

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Therapy has ended
« on: October 19, 2015, 06:26:56 PM »
Well when I say ended I have one more session but to all intents and purposes my therapy has ended. Most people could have put a deposit down on a house or bought a car with the money I have spent. Was it worth the heart ache, pain, anger, sadness and sometimes joy? Without a doubt yes. Does it feel like I have lost a friend without a doubt (and it hurts).  It is a big old scary world out there and for the first time in ten years I am on my own.

The thing is that so many bad things have happened to me that I could have spent another 10 years trying to fix everything only to find out that I couldn't fix everything. To be honest with some of the events they were so bad that the only option would be to box them up and fire them into the sun. I chose not to talk about them.  I still have days where I hate myself more than I thought it was possible, I still have full on flashbacks some of which come back at the worst possible moments, I still have guilt and yes I stillest harm on occasions, my eating is still completely screwed up and quite frankly there are times when I hate 99.999% of people on this planet.  By now I suspect some of you will be asking why you have spent so much on therapy and more importantly why have you stopped?

(I would say because I have no choice but looking past that) I actually value myself now, I will allow myself comfort above and beyond stopping myself suffer. I am at the point where I recognise I need to do more for my self esteem, I will stand up for myself in areas where I didn't used to. I am able to recognise and counter when I am feeling very sorrowful and the most important thing I want the right people in my life. Also when I am at my worst and darkest I am able to look for the beauty in the world
All it needs to do is to finish off:

This is not just hot chocolate
This is Dragon's hot chocolate...

 ;D

Time moves so slowly without you, until we meet again
 


 nuhnuh

Offline inmythirties

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Re: Therapy has ended
« Reply #1 on: October 23, 2015, 07:01:46 AM »
This must be a really difficult time for you. I spend money on private therapy and have gone through endings and restarts, trying different therapists, wishing I could just be okay somehow. The therapy you had sounds very meaningful and worthwhile. Would you be able to return to therapy if you ever felt the need? The values you have gained from therapy sound like they will stand you in very good stead and that you have accepted what is past and what you've been able to process even though the trauma was so severe. Do you have people around you as support? We can't live in a completely isolated or self reliant way? The assertiveness you have learnt also seems very good indeed. You will carry the therapy lessons and relationship with you no doubt.