Author Topic: Parents who self harm  (Read 13616 times)

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Offline tellingstories

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Parents who self harm
« on: April 09, 2012, 08:38:06 PM »
As a single parent who recently attended A&E for sutures, I'd be interested to know of other people's experiences.

Lemme get one thing straight, I do not, have not, and never will self harm in front of my children. Ever. My sister (who is nineteen) had been babysitting me because I'd gone mental, hence me having time to do it, and to attend A&E (the banshees were sleeping)

Social Services was mentioned, although I literally pleaded with the Dr not to phone them. We're in the middle of a very tricky court case. He needs all the leverage he can get because at it stands he has none, everyone contacted has been extremely supportive and praised me to the hilt. She said it wasn't her intention, but I've had it done before solely on the basis of having Self Harmed.

The banshees' school, health visitors, speech therapist, nursery workers have never had any concerns. They regularly tell me I am a fab mum. I am there for every play, every concert. Apparently my children always smell gorgeous (Comfort, the Orange one) My little one has autism and he has never missed an assessment, or therapy, and I have pushed and fought for every bit of help he's ever had. They are lovely, polite, well behaved (mostly) kids, and I've done it all on my own. The school knows I am mental (I am forever having total meltdowns in there) and are there for me, as well as the banshees. To reiterate, they have no concerns.

I could, as a coping mechanism, leave the kids with my sister and get hammered. That'd be fine. I could also take recreational drugs. I do neither. I have not OD'ed since becoming pregnant with my littlest banshee. I have an (admittedly rudimentary) knowledge of the major structures so I can avoid anything that incapacitates me or requires surgery.

So why does SH'ing make me a bad mother? I don't know how to stop yet.
A woman who writes feels too much,
those trances and portents!
As if cycles and children and islands
weren't enough; as if mourners and gossips
and vegetables were never enough.
She thinks she can warn the stars.

Offline is_it_true

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Re: Parents who self harm
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2012, 09:16:22 PM »
hi, i dont really have words of wisdom im afraid but i feel the same as you. i have two girls under 5 and im battling with s/h and need hospital treatment and stuff and referrals get sent on. but nothing ever comes of them as im engaging in all i can. girls are smart, safe, well behaved,happy and amazing.

basically im in the same boat and im here if you need to moan! i am however married, but makes it harder as i have to hide it from him too.

x

Offline Kitters

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Re: Parents who self harm
« Reply #2 on: April 11, 2012, 02:39:20 PM »
I'm not a parent so I can only empathise so far with you on that front, but it sounds like you've done a fantastic job, especially considering your illness.

Have you ever had any psychotherapy/other support that helped? It may be an idea to ask your GP about more specialist services, say for long term harming (I'm assuming you've been doing it a long time, being a parent, sorry if I'm wrong!). I wasn't ready to stop but the particular therapy I had really helped "re-wire" me and I'v been well for several years now. I appreciate everybody's different though and it may not be the right time for you. For me, it was all down to the good contacts my GP had, I had to really bug for years to get a referral.
At the very least, it may help to be "seen" to be getting help with it, if only as a bit of leverage if you ever end up in a&e again and the doc on at the time isn't so understanding and contacts family services.

Also, SH'ing does not make you a bad mother; your kids sound very well looked after and others can see that.
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Offline tellingstories

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Re: Parents who self harm
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2012, 06:27:34 PM »
I am on the waiting list for 'specific issue' trauma counselling. I'm a little bit afraid of that if I'm honest.
A woman who writes feels too much,
those trances and portents!
As if cycles and children and islands
weren't enough; as if mourners and gossips
and vegetables were never enough.
She thinks she can warn the stars.

Offline hidden tears

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Re: Parents who self harm
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2012, 08:05:07 PM »
Again, I'm not a parent so can't share experiences but I've worked in children's services, and lived with kids (so have some understanding of some of the issues in protecting kids from your sh) I think drs/a&e staff wanting to contact as is standard practice/policy, mainly because there has been a big issue with drs in a&e not identifying children at risk. Having the standard practice to refer anyone who meets certain criteria due to type/mechanism of injury (this is kids or the parents) means the assessment of individual circumstances up to more specialist professionals. Basically a mechanism to stop the children who really are at risk from falling through the meet.

What I suppose I'm trying to say is that a referral to ss isn't a bad thing. If, as seems to be in your case, the children are well looked after, and are not being put at risk due to you're actions (or you never harm whilst solely in charge of the kids/they can't walk in on you) then there will be no problem. If your referred to ss and they come to the above conclusions (which they will bee more than happy to I'm sure-they have far bigger issues to deal with!) then it shouldn't have an impact on your court case either.

You sound like a great Mum, who loves and cares for her kids and I'm sure people will continue to recognise you for this and see you beyond your sh  :)
*I lock away the pain and put away my fears, show you only my smiles and not my hidden tears *

*I like walking in the rain because no one knows Im crying*

Behind the mask....a silent scream....a hidden tear

Offline is_it_true

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Re: Parents who self harm
« Reply #5 on: April 11, 2012, 09:19:16 PM »
thought id drop in to see how things are? since my last post i recieved aletter...no phone call...i can only assume because they already have details from previous times of me being in a and e....saying they had done their checks with health visitor and my cmht and are happy for no further action. im telling you this to show you how routine it is for them. this is my 3rd letter from ss and from the fourth a and e trip. so its not all against us! :hug1: :hug1:

Offline Kitters

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Re: Parents who self harm
« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2012, 01:20:11 AM »
How long until you hear from the specific trauma counselling?
Do you feel pushed into it before you're ready?

Sorry for the 20 questions, haha.
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Offline tellingstories

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Re: Parents who self harm
« Reply #7 on: April 12, 2012, 08:54:13 AM »
Thankyou for the replies. I guess SS on their own are nothing to be scared of, when I've been referred before (on the basis of attending A&E for stitches) and they've referred then I've generally had a letter saying no further action.

I just obsess myself with the whole "OMG I love my banshees ergo something will go wrong and they will be taken away"

 :trig:


@Dove the counselling is subject to a waiting list. I believe the place itself is lottery/charity funded, but where the NHS tells you to go, it covers a pretty large area. I self -referred because I thought I was fine and still had small issues like not being able to sit next to people on buses because I think I give off pheromones that tell them I am dirty, or feeling dirty even though I DONT have OCD and I bath every day.

I have A Meeting with the psych and CPN next week. I am happy enough to be discharged from CMHT I just need a safety net/crisis plan in case I go mental again.
A woman who writes feels too much,
those trances and portents!
As if cycles and children and islands
weren't enough; as if mourners and gossips
and vegetables were never enough.
She thinks she can warn the stars.