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NSHN Forum Support & On Topic Forums. Some additional boards are viewable to members only => Survivor Room => Topic started by: Butterfly20 on May 03, 2015, 10:58:49 PM

Title: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Butterfly20 on May 03, 2015, 10:58:49 PM: I have been a self-harmer for about 18 months, which was triggered by an abusive relationship. Even now when I have been free of that relationship for a while, I still self-harm in situations where I feel helpless or have a lack of control.

The thing is, I'm in my late twenties, and sometimes I feel so embarrassed. Everything I hear and come across in the media about self-harm is always, always related to teenagers, and just makes me feel, am I being childish by not being able to control this addiction? And this means that finding support is really hard too as it's always tailored towards teenagers/young adults.

Does anyone else have this issue? I'd love to hear whether people have similar experiences.
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Terri on May 03, 2015, 11:10:01 PM: I think you'll find quite a few people here who are past their teenage years. I'm 28 next month.

Finding support can be hard. What avenues have you tried?

:hug1:
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: hayley on May 03, 2015, 11:51:53 PM: I was a lot older when I started doing it regularly. Before that it was one-off incidents.

I felt the same as you do but it really isn't just for kids

Its about not being able to express yourself

Not able to argue

Not able to have your voice heard

Not able to say what you're really feeling/thinking cos you don't want to upset anyone

So as you can see its not just youngsters who feel that way
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Vermilion on May 04, 2015, 12:24:34 AM: You're certainly not alone in this, I'm 27 and SH regularly. SH can affect people of any age, when I was in hospital recently (unrelated) there was a woman next to me who was in her 50s who had SH'd. You're not being 'childish'. :hug2:
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: inmythirties on May 04, 2015, 06:38:06 AM: I relate to the lack of any help or information aimed at adults. It is as though we reach the age of 25 then self harm becomes rare. However, I think the reality is that many do self harm or return to self harm in difficulty well past teens/early 20s. I am in my late 30s and still self harm. It can feel very lonely, and wrong somehow, that self harm can be a high profile subject of concern among young people but beyond that we don't exist or matter. You are in great distress and deserve to be taken seriously, do ask for help, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I think in the past that anorexia for instance was considered to be prevalent among girls and young women, but now there is growing recognition it can affect women and men in their forties and beyond.
I struggle with both eating disorders and self harm, they seem to be connected - I am never without either of them.
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Butterfly20 on May 04, 2015, 09:47:08 AM: Quote from: Terri on May 03, 2015, 11:10:01 PM
I think you'll find quite a few people here who are past their teenage years. I'm 28 next month.

Finding support can be hard. What avenues have you tried?

:hug1:

I have tried general counselling and am considering giving it another try. I had a lot of support from women's aid for the abuse and joined a support group, but that was the other extreme and I found it was more for women with children. I've been looking now for support more specifically for self harming but a lot of the helplines and websites are more for people under the age of 18.

Thank you for your replies. It's helpful for me to see that there are others out there like me.
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Rosie26 on May 04, 2015, 01:21:28 PM: :hug1: :hug2:

You're certainly not alone, I'm 26 and self harm regularly xx
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: carrotcake on May 09, 2015, 06:27:28 AM: I'm 25 this year and often all the help/info I find is directed at teens... you're not alone xx
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Lorien on June 07, 2015, 03:15:53 AM: 25....a lot of people here are not teenagers. It's a really unhelpful stereotype but you're definitely not alone
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Twilight on June 11, 2015, 04:17:40 AM: I'm 35 :-/ for me it started in my mid twenties postnatally.
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Tired Soul on July 19, 2015, 10:26:23 PM: You are definitely not alone, Im 31, self harm is self harm, regardless of age and there is support available for anyone regardless of age. Don't give up, keep looking until you find the right support for you :1025: you deserve to be heard and to find a way to work through the feelings that have led you to self harm. There is hope out there and change is always possible. xx
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: In My Head on July 29, 2015, 10:46:47 PM: I agree with the the stereotype of it being teenagers who self harm being unhelpful for those of us who are a bit older. I'm 23 now, and still self harm, I've been doing it since I was 11.

I wonder if sometimes it's 'less shocking' that an adult self harms in comparison to a young person like a teenager, which is why you get the sensationalist style articles in the media about it.
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: riot-grrrl on September 09, 2015, 09:17:53 PM: i'm 29 now. started at 12. long journey urgh.
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: indigo on November 15, 2015, 07:53:36 PM: I'm 34 and have been self harming on and off since I was 19. Much more frequently this year. I know it sounds a bit twisted, but it's comforting to know that there are older people who self harm. Like I'm not the only one.
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: Bethany77 on November 15, 2015, 10:37:46 PM: I'm 30 and have self harmed since I was 9. To be honest, as a teenager I certainly didn't imagine to be still doing it at 30. It seems more acceptable for teens :(
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: lizzie on November 20, 2015, 08:53:39 PM: Im in my 40's and I self harm so you are not alone. I do it because I feel bad and for a brief moment after I cut I feel relief but then I wish I hadn't done it at all because it means long sleeves for a while. I worry that people will ask questions that im not ready to answer.
Title: Re: I feel too old to be doing this...am I alone?
Post by: inmythirties on November 23, 2015, 06:55:42 PM: I find that the longer you self harm for the more you tend to be viewed as chronic or doing it as some form of addiction. It is a shame that the reasons for each individual injury are not seen as these can differ. The pain for me gets worse not easier. How do others cope with the dwindling of support and understanding that comes from repeat self harm into your late twenties and beyond? There is more sympathy for younger people. There is a sense we should learn more adaptive and healthier coping strategies or just *** off once 'older'.