I've been thinking about Christmas and the "festive season" for a few weeks now.
We aren't going to the Netherlands so will spend the day with just the two of us, which will be nice and quiet (just what I need right now).
However when I think about Christmas, it makes me feel very sad.
It's not about being lonely - I've got everyone on here on Christmas day. (No doubt bf will be gaming as usual so not really "with" me). I don't think it's cos I'll miss my sister. It's just the actual season.
I used to think it was because of leaving one year and starting a brand new year and nothing much having changed.
This year there have been changes. A lot of them. New job for bf. New job for me. Pregnancies. Miscarriages. Various family issues. Mental health problems getting worse.
But none of that, other than job obviously, is positive to move forward with. So all i'm taking to 2014 is going to be the fact I have a new job. and that's all i achieved for 2013.
So many people on here are in far worse situations than me, I understand that. I don't know what im looking for with posting - but I am constantly getting asked "are you looking forward to Christmas"
well .... no. no i'm not. adverts make me cry. shopping for it makes me want to cry. fake smiling happy face I put on also makes me want to cry.
What is the point of Christmas??