Author Topic: Want to help but anxiety stopping me  (Read 6797 times)

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Offline justine

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Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« on: April 06, 2012, 06:29:22 PM »
I've been thinking about my career recently, and I have decided I want to be a mental health support worker. I want to offer my advice, support and understanding to others, as I do here, but face to face as a job.

Problem is, my anxiety. I've never had good social skills due to this, and although it's easy to chat online, I don't know how I would be face to face. Usually with people, I'm really quite shy, and I find it really hard to make conversation. I can easily talk about something, eg if I hear someone needs help with their computer, but I can't really make much conversation.

However, mental health sparks an interest in me. As soon as I hear someone has a mental illness, I suddenly am not as scared of them anymore, and I want to talk to them and hear more about it.

It's just frustrating because my anxiety and lack of social skills is stopping me moving forwards and doing what I want to do
If you feel like life is a dark, worthless place, please know that you have just fallen down a hole and that impossible as it seems, you can climb out again, and see that life is really a beautiful place to be

http://www.nshn.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=74073.msg1702918#new

Offline raindrop

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Re: Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2012, 12:31:27 PM »
Hi Justine,

I can empathise to some degree with what you're feeling i think.  i want to help those going through the depths of anorexia which was a huge problem for me for many years, and although it's not 'gone' i am a lot better and i've always thought how i'd like to use my experiences to help others.  But anxiety is also a problem for me, (as well as SH).  I don't know if this is much help but I think when you go through a lot of suffering yourself, healing takes a long time, often longer than perhaps we want or think.  Hence, I think you need to try and be easy on yourself.  The help you offer people through this site is invaluable and will also give you experience and hopefully perhaps slowly build your general self-confidence and help make you feel stronger.  I believe when the time is right for you to take the next step as you talk about your aims in your post, this will take it's course.  Try not to expect too much of yourself.  After going through a lot yourself (as it sounds like you have) I think it is necessary to allow time for inner healing.  Small small steps will get you where you want to go.  Perhaps eventually you'd like to meet someone who you've first met on here??  Only a thought.  I'd love to meet you!  Keep strong and take care.  xx

 :)

Offline justine

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Re: Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2012, 01:20:50 PM »
Thanks for the advice :)

I had thought about meeting someone on here actually. I've spoken to my mum and friend about some of the volunteering options where I can help people, and they think I'd be ok with teenagers, but not adults. It depends really, I'm quite a quiet person and find talking via internet much easier than in real life. Don't know how i'd cope with someone in real life who doesn't think rationally. A lot of my advice is looking at things from a different perspective, good for rationally thinking people who just can't think like that themselves, but perhaps not so good for those who have conditions where they think irrationally. I lived with someone with severe OCD for a year, and thought I got it, but it turned out to be really illogical. I wan't trying to help her with it though.

I hope my confidence does increase and I get better social skills. Hopefully one day I'll be able to do something helpful.

I also thought of offering my help to people in real life as a kind of support worker. Obviously I would be clear that I have no training, just an interest to help. I could say it would only be for 2 months or something.

The other thing is, because of my personality/anxiety, I am easily intimidated by people. If I click with someone then great, I'm happy and all is good. But what if I don't? I have that difficulty at work, where I don't click and try avoiding people. Have ended up in a little trouble for it  ::-\:

I could do it if I was picky about who I saw, only people I click with, and who aren't too severe. It's just so frustrating wanting to help but being scared of people!!!!
If you feel like life is a dark, worthless place, please know that you have just fallen down a hole and that impossible as it seems, you can climb out again, and see that life is really a beautiful place to be

http://www.nshn.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=74073.msg1702918#new

Offline raindrop

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Re: Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« Reply #3 on: April 10, 2012, 02:29:48 PM »
You're right about the illogical nature of much of mental health and I can understand your difficulty with this.  This illogicality is what makes mental health so difficult for outsiders to understand I think, partly anyway.  Two things about this though.  Firstly, from personal experience I do accept the illogical nature of my difficulties and it is something that I struggle with as someone with mh difficulties.  I am in myself a very logical person but for some reason logic just does not always work when it comes to a sick mind.  I think if you could work with people who have this acceptance / insight perhaps this would be easier for you.  Being a support worker in my opinion is about 'being there', not necessarily understanding that illogicality or offering solutions.  One of my biggest lessons with anorexia, and hardest things to come to terms with, is that change ha to come from within the individual.  This is really hard for outsiders though, I am now seeing as I'd like to help people in the depths of anorexia.  However, sadly, unless the individual makes those changes, takes those tiny steps towards better health themselves, then none can help I believe. 

In terms of anxiety about 'clicking' with someone, I think that is completely natural and if ever you were to go on to do training to make this a profession then I would expect you would be supported with this.  However, thinking about working on a more casual basis with it, I think it would be fine for you to be 'picky' about who you could / couldn't meet with and you would have the right to stipulate this.  At the end of the day in any relationship, it has to work both ways, and in my experience this is crucial with support workers / therapists etc too.

Sounds like you're thinking really carefully about it which is brilliant.  It's so important to get it right and not let yourself be pulled back.  Take it easy!  Message me if you want at all.  When I get the privilege to 'inbox' people I can reply or email if you'd prefer. 

Offline justine

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Re: Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« Reply #4 on: April 10, 2012, 03:21:34 PM »
I think I'm quite an understanding person, as I can understand/accept people quite easily. I don't actually have THAT much experience with mental health, I just learn a lot from every experience I or other do have. I know full well that a person cannot be helped unless they want to be, so my approach is to tell them the truth, despite they don't want to accept/hear it, then sit back and wait for them to come to me. At first they usually ignore what I said, but then when they are ready to help themselves, my advice suddenly seems to work and of course I'm here for them. Also, if someone stops accepting my help I just calmly say I can't help you unless you accept my help, but am here if you do want help.

Don't know if you've heard my anology of being in a hole, but I believe it to be true. People in the hole can't get out until they accept they are in the hole, then want to get out. And I can't help them out until they start trying, or at least wanting to themselves.

I think I'd have all the qualities to work with people except the social quality. I can seem quite a serious and unaproachable person until someone actually starts speaking to me. I kinda need a push before I relax with people. I'm learning though, work is teaching me how to act in a social manner and giving me to confidence to as well.

Thanks for the reply by the way, and yes I am thinking this over a lot :)
If you feel like life is a dark, worthless place, please know that you have just fallen down a hole and that impossible as it seems, you can climb out again, and see that life is really a beautiful place to be

http://www.nshn.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=74073.msg1702918#new

Offline raindrop

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Re: Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« Reply #5 on: April 10, 2012, 04:24:31 PM »
I'm really sorry...I did not by any means intend to imply you weren't understanding....I'm so sorry if this is how it came across.  I meant the opposite actually.  I'm sorry.

 :-X

Offline justine

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Re: Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« Reply #6 on: April 10, 2012, 09:29:46 PM »
hay don't be sorry  :1059: that's not the way I took it!! not at all. I was just kinda agreeing that some people aren't understanding and me being so would make me good. I didn't think you were implying that at all. I know you meant the opposite and thats how I took it :) So no worries, and don't shush either :)
If you feel like life is a dark, worthless place, please know that you have just fallen down a hole and that impossible as it seems, you can climb out again, and see that life is really a beautiful place to be

http://www.nshn.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=74073.msg1702918#new

Offline greenday

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Re: Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« Reply #7 on: April 11, 2012, 07:47:00 AM »
its ok im here  :hug1:

Offline justine

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Re: Want to help but anxiety stopping me
« Reply #8 on: April 12, 2012, 12:36:24 PM »
thanks greenday :)  :1059:
If you feel like life is a dark, worthless place, please know that you have just fallen down a hole and that impossible as it seems, you can climb out again, and see that life is really a beautiful place to be

http://www.nshn.co.uk/forum/index.php?topic=74073.msg1702918#new