the past few months have really forced me to face up to the fact that i am not completely recovered from mh stuff. i thought i was but then i had a month around about may/june when i couldn't get out of bed really because i was too depressed, and i keep feeling persistently low, getting thoughts about hurting myself, finding small things in life very difficult etc. i don't think things ever were completely better. i last went to the dr about mh stuff 4 years ago i guess but then i was very resistant and didn't really understand what was happening. now i know a bit better what's wrong and i really do what to be completely well, and i think actually some advice from my dr would be useful... BUT i have a few hang ups about GPs
first is that i HATE visiting the dr - i hate admitting that i'm not well, or that i can't do it by myself/i'm not strong enough. and it's hard to motivate myself to do things, especially because of the mh stuff so i'm worried that i'll keep intending to do this and then not. i'm not always good at being kind to myself either
- so how do you get yourself to visit a GP?
second is that i'm back from uni at the moment, so the GP i'm registered at now is in my uni town, not here - am i still allowed to visit my old GP (who i've seen before and already knows i've struggled with feeling low, self harm, etc etc)? or would it be better to wait until september? my uni GP is very kind - when he saw my medical records he called me in so we could chat and said anytime i was struggling i could make an appt!
third is i'm not very good at expressing myself clearly (as you may be able to tell from this ramble!) when i've talked to mh profs before i've got myself mixed up and talked about things that really weren't bothering me rather than actual problems. nowadays i have a better idea of what's wrong etc etc so i should be able to be clearer than i was as a confused and unhappy teenager but i think that i would probably still go in, freak out and emphasise the wrong things, make out that everything was more minor than it is and miss out a lot of things due to embarrassment. anyone got any tips for this?!
finally i don't really know what i would want to come from this - i know i want advice on how to handle things, and how to keep getting better but i don't really want to be under nhs mh services again. i had a very bad experience with cbt - one time i'm pretty sure the guy fell asleep whilst i was talking?? - and whilst i know there are some excellent counsellors and groups etc i'm not sure that would be right at the moment. is it okay to go and simply say what's wrong but then refuse to be referred anywhere?! (which i know i probably wouldn't be anyway because i'm no longer as much as a mess as i was but the idea of a dr suggesting this and me refusing makes me feel silly) i guess i just want some helpful advice/encouragement/someone cheering me on/whatever but would a gp think i was just wasting their time with my minor mh stuff and just wanting some advice? i don't want to make them cross with me.
sorry for rambling on, thanks if you have read this. i think it's probably good for me to just get this down in writing
:holdingflower: xx