my stories isnt as bad as some peoples but:
my father left when i was 5-6 i cant quite remember, i just have this vivid memory of when it happend it was christmas and my dad drove off, a month later we moved house and i stated to see my dad at weekends. at 14 i found out the truth to why he had left, he was homosexual at the time it hurt me and i didnt speak to him for months, reason:
from about age 9 i got bullied one or two kids used say i was gay, and that i couldnt fight (well i couldnt) then they started saying my dad was gay etc.. this continued until i was 15, at 15 though the bulling intensified far worse then ever, i couldnt go out on a friday because id botteled or beatend up, i became "gothic" which annoyed my mother who used to have ago at me all the time.
before that though between the ages of 7 to 10ish i had a step dad who used to beat us up somedays and treat us the next, he used to beat us up worst when his son was born (by beat up i mean he would throw us in to bed... we had bunk beds and i was on top! or just push us about for no reason), he held a tool to my mums throat and similar stuff like that, my mum left him and got with another man who was fantasic until he slept around and we trusted him alot, and he lied to us. he left when i was 15, to summarise i didnt know what love was, i could never get a girlfriend, i was bullied at school and never had a stable home life.
i started self harm from about 13, at first it was little things hitting walls chicken scratches, the main reason was because of the bulling, i managed to keep it quite for years. at 15 it worsed to cutting the top of my arm very deep, but as well as this i started to drink and smoke and take drugs all the time.
at 16 i went to a festival with a friend and we got with these girls one of which i slept with not know that it was her first time and i was heavily intoxicated, over a few days we got on well she was fine but then my friend who was jelous convinced her that a raped her, she started going on about how i had forced her and she wasn't ready which messed me up no end because we got on great until my friend got his way, in the end she went off with him in front of me, i now know that i didnt rape her and that my "friend" was just trying to make me feel like crap. she emailed me some years ago now explaining that she didnt feel raped but did feel akward about loosing her virginity on a one night stand.
at the time i went through a spiral of blaiming my self which worsened the cutting, drinking, drug abuse. then one night i was in chester by the river dee with some people i met drinking away getting really stoned, wen i broke, i went to the top of the bridge got over the railings and jumped with out hesitation, i hit the river water hard (winded myself) and started to drown, i was almost gone when my friend dragged me out and took me to her house, she stripped me of all my clothes and found the scars and the fresh cuts, and her mum who was a nurse, got them all cleaned up and dressed properly,
that night i slept with my friend kelsey and i felt safe... the morning after i told her everything and she convinced me to go get help, which lasted a month before i just lost control again, along the wall of chester there is a small narrow bridge that used to go to a prison house that is over a canal, i was sitting on that when kelsey once again came to my rescue, she talked me off and i once again spent the night at hers, she hugged me all night and wouldn't let go,
anyway after leaving chester again, i went back to finish my gcse's and get in to college in which time i got to know a girl called j, four years on we are still together and i got my life sorted and every 6 months or so id get an urge to cut or i would cut but in the last year i havent need to at all, because i have taken up climbing and the buzz i get from that has kept me from harming and you see things out there that changes your point of view in ways you couldnt imagine