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Research Topics / Re: Looking for consultation on self-harm and Social Identity
« Last post by purplebutterfly on May 14, 2024, 01:19:44 PM »Only comment I have is to agree with Vermilion whole heartedly.
Recent Posts
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Research Topics / Re: Looking for consultation on self-harm and Social Identity
« Last post by selfharm_and_identity on May 14, 2024, 01:13:21 PM »Using this forum has help me since i started to self harm last yr and if wasnt for my support worker recommending this forum i wouldnt been able to connect with other poeple in a safe way and i never knew that other people self harmed and i thouht i was alone.
That's really great to hear. I guess that must be one of the most valuable aspects of having a community like this! I wonder if there's anyone else here that would also speak to this?
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Survivor Room / Re: Pissed off and fed up.
« Last post by Vermilion on May 12, 2024, 05:25:48 PM »Writing is a good idea, I'm not sure if they'd let me though. I'm not sure that this is really a job for CMHT anyway, this is probably just life being stressful rather than actual mental illness. 
I had the hospital appointment yesterday (Saturday) and it was... Well... I can't think of a word. Maybe if I describe it...
I went into the changing room to put the gown on. The changing rooms are just opposite the treatment room.
I'm already terrified, struggling to hold back tears. I start getting changed...
I can hear the patient before me crying out, probably having the same thing as me. It tips me over, I started to cry because I knew that I was going to be crying out in agony too.
The nurse called me in, by now I was shaking so much I could barely stand up. All while trying to keep covered up with a backless hospital gown on, with no pants on.
I sit in a normal chair while the doctor explains what's going to happen. I dutifully get in that chair with the foot rests that slide over and expose everything.
The nurse gives me some gas and air (the same stuff used for women in labour) which helps with the anxiety somewhat.
The doctor then starts prodding around, as doctors do. She then dabs that horrible stinging solution on my vulva. Similar PH to vinegar, apparently.
It stings and burns, the gas and air not doing much for the pain. Due to the Lichen sclerosus my skin is fag paper thin so it bleeds a bit, as it usually does.
That solution has revealed some skin changes so the doctor tells me that I need a biopsy again.
I start to panic again, trying to get out of the chair. I'm hyperventilating while a bit dizzy and confused from the gas and air. The nurse has to hold me still while they lower the chair, which was the right thing to do since the chair is raised up very high and I probably would have hurt myself if I fell off.
They let me get dressed again, so I get dressed and come back in to speak to the doctor before I leave. She's decided that I'm too anxious to have a biopsy while conscious again (you don't say!). So, we agree that I'll have it done under general anaesthetic. She wants to look 'inside and out' and she'll do everything that's needed while I'm knocked out.
Nothing to do now but wait. I'm still very sore and probably will be for a few days. I'm having these... I don't know... intrusive memories I guess? I'm remembering yesterday, remembering past biopsies and the agony that they are. I have bouts of intense anxiety and start shaking again.
In a way, I know that self harm would lessen the intensity of this, make it manageable at least. But I don't want to self harm
.
I had the hospital appointment yesterday (Saturday) and it was... Well... I can't think of a word. Maybe if I describe it...
I went into the changing room to put the gown on. The changing rooms are just opposite the treatment room.
I'm already terrified, struggling to hold back tears. I start getting changed...
I can hear the patient before me crying out, probably having the same thing as me. It tips me over, I started to cry because I knew that I was going to be crying out in agony too.
The nurse called me in, by now I was shaking so much I could barely stand up. All while trying to keep covered up with a backless hospital gown on, with no pants on.
I sit in a normal chair while the doctor explains what's going to happen. I dutifully get in that chair with the foot rests that slide over and expose everything.
The nurse gives me some gas and air (the same stuff used for women in labour) which helps with the anxiety somewhat.
The doctor then starts prodding around, as doctors do. She then dabs that horrible stinging solution on my vulva. Similar PH to vinegar, apparently.
It stings and burns, the gas and air not doing much for the pain. Due to the Lichen sclerosus my skin is fag paper thin so it bleeds a bit, as it usually does.
That solution has revealed some skin changes so the doctor tells me that I need a biopsy again.
I start to panic again, trying to get out of the chair. I'm hyperventilating while a bit dizzy and confused from the gas and air. The nurse has to hold me still while they lower the chair, which was the right thing to do since the chair is raised up very high and I probably would have hurt myself if I fell off.
They let me get dressed again, so I get dressed and come back in to speak to the doctor before I leave. She's decided that I'm too anxious to have a biopsy while conscious again (you don't say!). So, we agree that I'll have it done under general anaesthetic. She wants to look 'inside and out' and she'll do everything that's needed while I'm knocked out.
Nothing to do now but wait. I'm still very sore and probably will be for a few days. I'm having these... I don't know... intrusive memories I guess? I'm remembering yesterday, remembering past biopsies and the agony that they are. I have bouts of intense anxiety and start shaking again.
In a way, I know that self harm would lessen the intensity of this, make it manageable at least. But I don't want to self harm
. 24
Research Topics / Re: Looking for consultation on self-harm and Social Identity
« Last post by Vermilion on May 12, 2024, 04:31:27 PM »Would you say on your time on this forum that you've met people whose identity was linked to self-harm? Is this a recognisable phenomenon do you think, or not really?
Best wishes,
Guan
I've personally never come across any users here that would feel like self harm is linked in any way to their identity. Users here, it seems to me, are generally trying to stop self harm, or at least minimise it, and are seeking support from others who are struggling with it. That's really all it is, it's simply peer support. In fact, I've talked to a few people who dislike terms such as 'self harmer' because it implies that its a part of who we are rather than just something we do to cope with whatever the underlying issues are. Many prefer phrasing along the lines of 'person who self harms' rather than a term like 'self harmer'.
I can imagine that some people may see it as part of their identity, but they'd probably join a pro self harm community whereas this forum is pro recovery. This is just speculation though, I have never used a pro self harm forum, but have stumbled upon them from time to time. They probably still exist somewhere but I have no interest in joining one.
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Survivor Room / Re: Pissed off and fed up.
« Last post by Patient Pianist on May 10, 2024, 08:04:49 PM »Hi,
Just wanted to say hi and that i'm thinking of you. i'm sorry things are so hard, but also i wanted to say well done for keeping going, esp with the driving. You're determination will pay off.
i completely agree with you about everything being on the phone. Is there an admin email or something that you could use to initiate contact? Would it be any easier if they phoned you?
Take care.
Just wanted to say hi and that i'm thinking of you. i'm sorry things are so hard, but also i wanted to say well done for keeping going, esp with the driving. You're determination will pay off.
i completely agree with you about everything being on the phone. Is there an admin email or something that you could use to initiate contact? Would it be any easier if they phoned you?
Take care.
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Research Topics / Re: Looking for consultation on self-harm and Social Identity
« Last post by kat45 on May 10, 2024, 07:29:02 PM »Using this forum has help me since i started to self harm last yr and if wasnt for my support worker recommending this forum i wouldnt been able to connect with other poeple in a safe way and i never knew that other people self harmed and i thouht i was alone.
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Research Topics / Re: Looking for consultation on self-harm and Social Identity
« Last post by selfharm_and_identity on May 10, 2024, 02:13:57 PM »Hi Vermilion,
Thanks for your response, that makes sense to me and I can see how having that kind of identity could have potentially tricky consequences.
Would you say on your time on this forum that you've met people whose identity was linked to self-harm? Is this a recognisable phenomenon do you think, or not really?
Best wishes,
Guan
Thanks for your response, that makes sense to me and I can see how having that kind of identity could have potentially tricky consequences.
Would you say on your time on this forum that you've met people whose identity was linked to self-harm? Is this a recognisable phenomenon do you think, or not really?
Best wishes,
Guan
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Survivor Room / Re: Pissed off and fed up.
« Last post by Vermilion on May 01, 2024, 05:16:51 PM »Managed about half a lesson again, I didn't actually cry this time but I was shaking badly/breathing too fast etc. Another one booked for Friday... yup..
Old CC messaged me back today, it's been less than three years so I can self refer back to CMHT rather than having to go via GP. So, I'd have to phone CMHT to get help. Why is it always on the b***** phone! I'm not sure that I need much help anyway but I'm also aware that things aren't quite right either. Ah, my brain loves to tie itself into knots!
I'm so drained that I've slept most of the day, yet I still feel knackered.
Old CC messaged me back today, it's been less than three years so I can self refer back to CMHT rather than having to go via GP. So, I'd have to phone CMHT to get help. Why is it always on the b***** phone! I'm not sure that I need much help anyway but I'm also aware that things aren't quite right either. Ah, my brain loves to tie itself into knots!
I'm so drained that I've slept most of the day, yet I still feel knackered.
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Research Topics / Re: Study: Exploring Identity
« Last post by Vermilion on May 01, 2024, 03:15:25 PM »I've been self harming since I can remember and I have no way of estimating the amount of times that I have engaged in a particular method. I don't know why so many surveys ask this question.
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Research Topics / Study: Exploring Identity
« Last post by identity_res on May 01, 2024, 10:48:13 AM »Hello!
We are psychology researchers at the University of Amsterdam. We're running a small study online, and we are particularly interested in hearing from people who participate in online communities. You can access the study here:
https://uva.fra1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eA5xyxa8LWejEwK?kian=Firstkian
The study takes between 5 to 20 minutes depending on your answers, so don’t worry if you finish the study too fast
Please only participate if you’re 16 years or older, and do the study once. You can take the survey in either English or in Dutch.
Your participation is entirely voluntary and anonymous. If you have some spare time and would like to help us out, we would really appreciate it. For information about data protection, ethics approval and direct contact with the principal investigators please see the informed consent letter at the start of the survey or feel free to contact me on here.
Very many thanks!
- Kianush & Deniz
We are psychology researchers at the University of Amsterdam. We're running a small study online, and we are particularly interested in hearing from people who participate in online communities. You can access the study here:
https://uva.fra1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eA5xyxa8LWejEwK?kian=Firstkian
The study takes between 5 to 20 minutes depending on your answers, so don’t worry if you finish the study too fast
Please only participate if you’re 16 years or older, and do the study once. You can take the survey in either English or in Dutch.
Your participation is entirely voluntary and anonymous. If you have some spare time and would like to help us out, we would really appreciate it. For information about data protection, ethics approval and direct contact with the principal investigators please see the informed consent letter at the start of the survey or feel free to contact me on here.
Very many thanks!
- Kianush & Deniz