who am i? MT

[smiler]

Sorry mods if this is in the wrong room wasnt sure where to put and to me it seemed to fit here    here is a piece of cake to say sorry if it is 

Anyway my question is  :confused: who am I   :help:

since court has made me change so much  :ranting:

but i have also achieved so much  :creature:

and having stopped s/h in all fashions  woohoo woohoo

i feel like i no longer know who i am

everything that was me two years ago or even a year ago

other than been a parent  *DuCk* 

is no longer me

and i am now feeling so confused  :sb: and lost

i have been trying to ignore the question and feelings for a while and just keep coming back to it

just about every time i sit still  :frying pan:

hence my posting on here

i am assuming, sorry if i am wrong, that i cant be the first person in this situation 


so if anyone has any ideas or advice on how to figure this out i am open to all ideas

in the physical concept of the idea i know who i am sort of

its the mental and emotional side i am so confused about  :blushing:

who am i in my self

  huge hugs to everyone 

and thank you again to everyone who has been around of the years to get me to where i am today  piece of cake and hugs  to you all 

[yrangelion]

that's simple, you're Smiler!! Harm has been a part of your life for so long hun that this feeling seems strange. You probably never thought you'd get better but you are and you're achieving so much, you should be proud of yourself hun (easier said than done I know). You are still you, you're just happier.
(sorry that's worded badly but I hope you get the jist of it) x

[smiler]

i dont recognised anything of my self

yes my name is smiler

but inside i dont know who i am

no i never thought i would recover

and now i am lost

[yrangelion]

from what you've told me before, I'm guessing this feeling is new to you which is why you feel lost but give yourself time to get used to it because you will.

Like, imagine you'd never felt grief or fear before and suddenly you were faced with it the emotion would be overpowering because it's new and you don't know how to handle it, it's the same for your happiness because you're not used to feeling it this much it seems overwhelming, surreal and almost uncomfortable because you're worried you may do something wrong that will take you back to your dark place. Once you get used to these more positive emotions you'll probably feel more settled and comfortable with who you are x

[smiler]

it is very new to me

and to be honest it is scaring me

it is a question i have been asked often in therapy over the years

and so it has come feel like a important thing that i know who i am

which to one degree or another i have known now i dont i am scared

fear i am very used to, i hate it as much as i hate grief which with to amount of people i have lost through death

and misscarriages i have had i am used to it, grief and famour with the pain

but at the same time have never aloud my self a change to grieve properly because it hurts to much

now i am have to learn to face pain head on and with nothin to take the pain away

and i dont like it, not one bit


i am not at the point of feeling happiness, yet

there is still to much stuff in life that is very uncertain and to many things with court that can go wrong.

thank you yrangelion, you are making alot of sense, and there is alot of logic in what your saying, huge hugs

[yrangelion]

it's not easy but you're doing fab hunni 
x

[smiler]

huge hugs, thank u

[yrangelion]

nothing to thank me for (hugs) x