Hi. Basically I started university and told occupational health about SH. They said that in order for me to stay at uni, I had to do stuff, like go to GP, counselling service, regular OH appointments, and I did it all because I REALLY wanted to stay at uni (had been SHing for 5 years, and I'd never told anyone). So I went to counselling and got referred to a SH team on the NHS, and had some counselling there, and hated it all. And now, I've completely stopped self harming, which they all think is brilliant, and I got discharged from counselling, but it's not brilliant because nothing has changed. I have absolutely nothing to feel proud of, because the only thing I've done is swap cuts for an elastic band, and I could have done it anyway, if I'd wanted to. The thoughts and feelings are all still there. I still think about it, and how much I want to do it, and I miss it so much, and all of the things that lead me to start are still there. I was happy to stop counselling because I find it so exhausting, and my counselor kept asking 'why?' to everything I said and I never had any idea, so there were a lot of silences. So basically I feel like I've lied to them (even though I was usually 100% honest when it came to whether or not I'd SHed), because they were smiling and telling me it's brilliant but I know that nothing has changed, and I don't know what to do any more because I really felt like coming to uni with so many resources was my chance, and now I have nothing. My GP was nice. She wanted to see me regularly to make sure I was OK, but basically I had to book an appointment and they didn't have any, so I would have had to phone in, but I get really anxious on phones. Then I forgot her name, so I didn't know who to ask for, so I decided to just leave it instead (now it's 4 months later, I still don't know her name, and the idea of calling makes me feel so anxious I have to lie down for a bit). Kind of a rant, but has anyone experienced anything similar, or have any idea of what I should do. And please don't say well done, because I haven't achieved anything and it just makes me feel like I should have if you get what I mean.