I'm not sure where to start, and think this will probably be a pretty incoherent ramble but it's so busy in my head and there is still nowhere better that I know to get stuff out, so massive thank yous and
to everyone on here, and especially to certain really special people (I truly hope you know who you are
)
I've had triggers recently for a lot of memories, some of them I've learnt to live with (kind of) because they're there on a daily basis, but others that I've pushed aside and tried really really hard to ignore, but have forced their way in despite everything. This has included a piece of music which instantly takes me to my kitchen, SH, b**ning, ironic and alone
A place I drive past every day. Someone I knew who was there and was back this week, and who's 'positive' comment brought back so much shame and urge to be 'back there' because that still feels right. My ability to be in control, restrict when needed, be strong.
Strength and weakness is so mixed up at the moment, I've no idea which is which.
