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NSHN Forum Support & On Topic Forums. Some additional boards are viewable to members only => Survivor Room => Topic started by: mirrhi on April 28, 2012, 04:54:18 PM
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I'm not sure if this the right place for this so feel free to move if wanted mods :rose:
I've been sent an evaluation form to fill out about the email support I've had from ED woman, which was overall really good and I've really appreciated it. It was the only support I was getting and because she has experience of depression and ED herself she often seemed to get what I meant even when I didn't myself.
But. It asks what I found most difficult about the service, and I want to say something about how it finished. To be honest I want to be all mardy and horrible and 'poor me' about it, the fact that it stopped so abruptly with no offer of an alternative, which left me in a total state (as you may have seen in my other post :blushing: ) But then I feel like I'm just being a petty, needy witch, and there's no way I could actually send it.
I do think it was handled badly. ED woman 'D' went off sick, which they told me about, saying she'd be off for 3 weeks and did I want someone else to email in the interim which I declined cos I find it rreally hard to open up to someone new and I'd got to know and trust her. She was then off for 5 weeks and on return sent a brief email saying:
'I am now well and truly settled back at work - it's odd how it soon feels as though you were never off! My work load has now changed so I am not able to offer email support any longer. I have really enjoyed working with you and wish you all the best for the future'
Then I receive the evaluation form, entitled 'Exit form', no checking that I'm ok wth that, whether I would like anyone else, any support of another knd, just a feeling of goodbye. It's left me feeling abandonded by them, when I felt like they were someone I could rely on. I don't know if I want someone else, the idea of anyone new is scary, and I don;t feel like I'm 'ill' enough, that they'd just think I was an annoying waste of time.
So do I say anything on the form? I don't want to seem like I'm having a go at them, and at 'D' in particular as I totally understand if giving that support isn't something she can do right now.
I don't know. I just feel very alone with ED stuff right now :'(
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hi again
I think there is a very fine line here between the way they treated you and being self pittying. In truth you may be a little bit right about being self pitting, BUT only a little, and also right about the way they treated you. So perhaps its not good to write it all went ok, or that it went awful. Maybe something in the middle?
What would you right if it was your friend/family member being treated in the way that you were? Don't forget, they use this feedbackl to improve the service for others, so if you think about it carefully, and write down what they did badly, that could be improved in the future, then that would be a good idea.
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Middle would be where I'm aiming if I do say anything, as I said there is NO way I could send anything saying any of the stupid petty needy self pitying stuff. I'm far too ashamed and hate that I even think any of it, was just splurging. Sorry
All I've come up with so far is this-
What have you found most difficult about the email support and what impact has it made on your life?
The ending. I wasn't expecting it and although I had declined an alternative whilst D was off sick I felt as if there was no option when she was no longer able to offer the service on her return. I had felt reassured once I got to know D a bit and knew she would not be judgemental and really seemed to understand. It was comforting just to know I'd have that contact twice a week, but left me feeling alone when it unexpectedly ended.
I dunno. It sounds cr*p.
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it sounds good to me. Your not petty and self pittying by the way, just feeling down about yourself and thinking that you are that way by the way x x
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I think that sounds good hun xx it really does NOT sound self pitying xx
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Just sent it. Nothing I can do about it now ::-\:
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Sounds totally justified to me and something that is worth flagging up for their future reference xx
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Thanks Bethy :hug1:
Not head anything back, don't whether I'm relieved or not ::-\: Urgh Head will not stop, I missed lunch today cos of work and I can't help feeling really pleased that I did and didn't feel hungry, keep thinking that if I can do that most days it'll help.
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it won't help sweetie x x
you need to make sure you eat lunch, even if you are busy, make sure you take some time to.
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Fella asked last night about weight, about how much I'd increased by since moving in with him. Saying it out loud I just cried and cried. Not sobbing, just those silent tears that would not stop pouring. Not sure who was more shocked, him or me ::-\:
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Sorry he was so insensitive hun :hug1: :hug2:
xx xx
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:1059: :1059: :1059:
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Sorry, I didn't explain that well cos I was on mobile and in a rush. he was asking about weight etc in a caring way, he knows that *technically* I was underweight, was restricting, had done for a long time, he wants me to gain and told me I look much better and more like the mirrhi from years ago. I know I put the triger *ED* on posts etc but still really struggle to accept that I migth actually have an ED despite it being over 2 years since GP gave diagnosis, referrals to ED teams, support groups etc etc etc. I'm still sure though that it's just me being stupid, being pathetic, that I don't deserve the diagnosis, I'm just a fraud.
I *knew* I'd increased in weight, I knew I would when I moved in with him cos he won't let me skip meals etc. I knew I would eat for him. That felt more justifiable than eating for me. I'm fully aware of how much my weight has increased by, to the gram, but have tried really really hard to ignore it, pretend it's not there, and I've mostly done ok witht hat. I hate it when I tink about it, hate it so so so much, feel ashamed and guilty and angry and pathetic and so so soweak. So angry angry angry at me :banghead:
But when I spoke to him I wasn't angry. I just cried. Cried and crried and cried, no matter how much I wiped the shameful tears away they just ran and ran. I didn't expect that.
Fella just sat and held my hand, said all positive things, hugged me.
I'm homw alone tonight. He asked me to promise I would eat and despite all te horrible, wriggly, shameful feelings about that I agreed. Now I'm here, alone and I can't face it, it's too wrong. I know he'll ask, and I'll find it too hard to lie to him, but right now that seems the lesser evil :blushing:
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:hug1: :hug1: :hug1: :hug1: :hug1:
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Duck, stupid stupid lies :frying pan: do I never learn??????
Just spoke to fella, he asked if I'd had tea. Said it was in the oven. He asked what it was, so said it was a ready meal curry. Now he wants me to send a text with photo of it. I have no curry to photograph. I've looked online and tried to photograph a photo but they all look so fake. I can't see any way out, he's gonna know I lied to him.
I feel so ashamed, I hate what a nasty deceiving witch I can be.
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oh hun xx xx
you need to decide if you can tell him truth, or you're actually gonig to have to go get one ...
xx xx :hug1: :hug2:
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Duck. Jusst text him, being honest. Not sure what he'll say, I just told him I lied to hm.
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you're telling the truth now
that's the important thing mirrhi :hug1: :hug2:
what time is back?
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He text me back last night, upset that I'd lied. Feel so ashamed. On my way home now to face him :blushing:
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better to be honest with him if your having trouble eating, at least that way he knows and he can support you :1059:
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Duck. Fella's just seen burns ::-\: We're out with boys so nothing's been said but I know he saw them. Sh*t. What am I gonna say? :hide:
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how are you doing? xx :hug1:
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what did he say when he saw them?
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Thanks :hug2: Sorry as usual for slow reply, but I have internet access tonight instead of just on mobile.
I'm doing ok thanks Lily, I have to.
He didn't really say anything when he saw them Justine, cos boys were there - they didn't see tho thank ****! We'd gone out for the day, had lovely time, then when we were leaving I was taking jacket off to get into car, my top lifted a bit and jeans had dropped enough to show them. He said 'What's going on there?' then said something about my cardigan, but when I looked down burns were showing.
I can't believe I nearly risked the boys seeing :frying pan: :frying pan: :frying pan: That's so so wrong, I can't even begin to imagine how I would explain to them. That's not what they need to know, learn about at their ages, they need safety and reliability. Stupid stupid mirrhi :frying pan: :frying pan: :frying pan: :frying pan:
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:bump:
Sorry. I don't know where else to put this though. I just found out that one of the people fron ED group died yesterday. I didn't know her but I just feel so so sad. I don't know for certain it was ED related but that's the way it sounds and group aresending out reminders about the risk of EDs causing death. I feel really shook up by it, even though I know I'm not in any risk zone, even when weight was lower it was nowhere near that, I was ok. But if I was ok why am I so shaken?
Sorry :'(
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awww hun sorry about your sad news :hug1: :hug2:
can you please try and do something nice tonight?
what are your plans? xx