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If there was a cure for autism...

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Tucan:
I also need to learn to be more tactful at times. I am too honest sometimes.

icicle:
I've been misunderstood by people, which led them to being cruel to me. I even experienced someone who was of the opinion that no one else should have to put up with me. There really is no need for the cruelty that some neurotypicals have towards those that they do not understand. It takes two to communicate.
Honesty is a good thing; I don't think that you can be too honest.

Lorien:
 I don't think you can be too honest either. I think there is a balance to be had though. Tact is useful because I don't want to upset people, but if they don't want an honest answer then it may help for them not to ask
 :whistle:
The best help I've had with this is a manager at work. If there was ever a situation where there was miscommunication / misunderstanding with someone else - she always gave me the benefit of the doubt, let me explain what I meant and then explained how the other person saw it. She would then model how she would have said it to them. I'm a pretty good scripted mimic so I built a bank of useful ways to handle things. Over time people learn your intent is good and help where they can. But it's important to start from the stand point you are willing to adapt. That doesn't mean you can't be honest and it doesn't mean you have to be someone else. But both sides have to give a little to make communication work.

The good Psychiatrist also did something similar if I had taken something he said differently to how he meant it. I'd repeat what he said verbatim and he would consider it, then explain the less literal meaning of what he said which was what he meant. When I've tried this with others they just refuse to accept they said the first thing, because that wasn't what they meant. I've learnt to literally ask - when you said "xyz" I'm not sure I understood properly could you explain a different way. It sucks sometimes that you take the fall for their lack of clarity but people will help much more easily if you make it not their fault. It also seems to make them more likely to try to understand what you're trying to say and mirror your "I've misunderstood this". Communication does take two but so does conflict.

Re gaslighting: it so effing is. Unintentionally probably but spending years of your life with your every move being interpreted through the lens of the wrong diagnosis is gaslighting. It is making you think you are going crazy. It is making you second guess yourself, your intentions and interactions. It does have exactly the same effect as someone doing it deliberately. But what doesn't happen is the resolution that comes from moving away from the gaslighter a d seeking support from someone else who shows you it was them. For many if not most people, the best that can be achieved in that sense is acknowledgement that the dx was wrong and it being removed. I don't know where anyone would start to undo it. I stop it winding me up (some of the time) by considering their intentions. Some people had very good intentions so I let it go. Other people are just c**ts and I try not to  :banghead: because it hurts me and not them.

Gerard:
Funnily enough, I was once introduced to a clinical psychologist who had received a diagnosis herself. It was one of the most heartening moments I've ever had. I'd have loved to talk to her properly, even just about life, not dx. Unfortunately, I don't remember her surname and it's unlikely I'll bump into her again.

I can't remember if it was her who said it or someone else, as a professional with a diagnosis having had crappy reactions from peers. You'd think they'd be understanding, but it seems not all are and Lorien has hit on the word for some of them.

Vermilion:

--- Quote --- they don't want an honest answer then it may help for them not to ask
--- End quote ---
I have no idea why people do that! So infuriating! When I've asked people why they said that they reply that they didn't mean it- why b***** say it then!?  :banghead:

The incorrect dx thing has had an effect on my MH care too. It was initially assumed that I had EUPD and it was added to my medical records without anyone informing me and I only found out when I had a print out of my records. I'm still annoyed about that and would really like to get expunged from my records. It was a case of oh, it's a woman who self harms? It must be EUPD irrespective of the fact that that she doesn't fit the other criteria... As a result of the negative consequences and effectively gaslighting me I feel that many of my problems have increased. I try not to feel angry but I can't help it, I wonder how much could've been prevented if only I was listened to and allowed to voice an opinion. It even simply informed so that I could ask questions. Professionals really need to discuss things with patients.

I am surprised that a clinical psychologist could have ASD, I would think that the social difficulties would make a job like that...well... Difficult. It just goes to prove that everyone is different and that assumptions need to stop. I think it would be really refreshing to talk with someone who's similarly minded, I suppose that it would be nice to feel less like a visiting alien once in a while.

I feel people are always cruel to others for some reason or another, in the past (and unfortunately still is) it has been for things such as race or sexualities and historically society society has never been very accepting of MH or 'invisible' issues. Honestly, I'm tired of being labelled as a 'millenial snowflake' but I also wonder if it's true sometimes. I really have difficulties but is it autism or is it me? Do I accept these issues are a part of me or do I try to change it? I'm posting these questions rhetorically of course because there are no easy answers.

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