I'm still winning

[hayley]

Well I'm still feeeling good and have had no bad thoughts for a while. 

J is still in a bad place and is now being looked after by home treatment.  We are both pleased about this.  They have plans to help him get out and about and someone is going to take him to town today as Saturdays are a nightmare because they are so busy.  This is good because I don't have the strength to support J in town when there's going to be a lot of people about. 

We went into towwn yesterday (just J and me) and it went quite well.  However a few hours after we got back I realised I was suffering from stress.  This manifested itself in the form of an aching back and shoulders.  Mid evening I had some diazepam and it worked.

I now feeel a little guilty because I told J I was stressed and am now thinking I may have upset him although nothing obvious says I have.

What I would like from you guys is should it happen again do I tell J I'm finding it a little stressful to help him.  I feel a little stuck cos in between visits from HT we should do stuff tthat will distract him from his thoughts so to avoid things that  may stress me out afterwards is not good.

But if I don't tell him how I'm feeling I feel like I'm keeping secrets!

[Lily Kym]

well done for keeping up with looking after yourself hayley

i think you should tell him personally.
why do you think you may of upset him? is this the first time you've told him you're stressed due to him?

[hayley]

Thanks for virtual hug - need plenty of them!

He was a bit upset because he thinks he's making me bad.  I have tried telling him that anyone would get stressed in the situation and I think he's accepted that.  I've also told him that he's not bringing me down.  Because of him needing reassurance so much I feel I have to play down or not say how stressful I'm finding it.  Its not his fault, he can't help feeling the way he does and I know he'd do anything to make it all disappear.

[Bethy]

It's tricky when you care about someone but are both struggling yourselves. However, it seems like you are both really trying to be practical and supportive of one another which is great - just my opinion that being honest will help you carrying on doing so. You're not going to be able to support him if you can't support yourself, and vice versa. I'm sure you aren't saying it to him in a blameful way. Being honest to each other willhopefullyhelp you to find the best way forward together. Best of luck x

[hayley]

He's improved a great deal and is likely to be discharged from home treatment on Friday.  He is ready for this and I'm so proud of him for fighting and not giving in.  I told him at the weekend if it was me Id've given in.

[Lily Kym]

Thats great news xx