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DBT is tough *SH, sui*

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Vermilion:
Thank you :hug1: :hug2: I'm glad that it's worth it, I'm seriously wondering if it's worth putting myself through all of this.

I'm struggling to get my head around it all think, change is always so difficult be it good or bad. I'm certainly judging myself harshly and it's me putting pressure on myself rather than anyone else putting pressure on me. I think that I feel like this is my last chance and if I fail then it's game over. I hate admitting to my shameful behaviours and yes, it is hard to sit in a group knowing that both facilitators are aware of these things, it's difficult to share these things with one person never mind more. I feel bad when I refuse to share things in the group but they are just personal issues that I don't wish to share with anyone. I've already been honest about my feelings towards the group and the 'phone counselling' but I have to do the things irrespective of my feelings and it's b***** hard.

I have group tomorrow morning but I'm certainly not going to sharing the fact that I've b**ned again but I'm speaking to CC on Friday, maybe I can speak to her about it. I have to speak more apparently even though writing has always been far easier and and more helpful. I'll write the b**ning in the 'diary card' like I'm supposed to but I find that hard to do never mind saying it.

so sad:
Reading that post was like reading my mind 2 years ago - the whole thought about this is your last chance and if you fail its game over. That was  exactly how I felt. DBT never leaves you (in my experience anyway). The skills come to mind without much effort, not that I can always use them, but they are there in the background. I still refer to my notes (and I have a lot of them!) from time to time.

Try not to think about it as timebound. I did and it did my head in. Even at the end of the 12 months you are not perfect or healed or an expert, you will still have learnt the skills and they will just need working on and practising. Easier said than done, I'm a b***** for not doing this but I know its what I need to do to continue healing and managing the huge emotions and feelings. They don't disappear but you learn to live with them and to use the skills to manage them. Like Terri said, its about building a life worth living. Its about defining what that 'life worth living' is about for you - its different for everyone. That won't happen overnight and setbacks will happen and you'll feel a million miles away from the finishing line but just go with it.

Self-harming is something that was never mentioned in group. That was between everyone and their therapists. The group for me is more about giving a bit of feedback on your homework, how you used the skills and did it work or not. its ok to say it didn't work. That is what the group is for, as people settle into the group, they'll start offering bits of advice, completely agreeing with you as they've had the same problems. Its not about sharing everything that is in your head. Make notes of things you can say that don't run too deep, just high level bits on info that are enough to make them see you are taking part. It can be a bit of a game.

Hope this helps and good luck. Let us know how you get on.

Mx

Vermilion:
Thank you  :hug2:

I think that group went a little better, I didn't share anything personal but I did ask questions so that they know that I'm trying at least...

I think the reason that I'm thinking of it as my last chance is because professionals have given the impression (or at least seem to have) that it's the answer to everything. Then I think that if I fail then that's it, game over. there's also part of me that thinks that no amount of skills are going to change the fact that I have autism so no matter what I do I'll never change. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it all. I should try and talk about it tomorrow at my one to one session  ::-\:

Vermilion:
I'm not feeling good and I don't know if it's the b**n or a cold. I'm going to have to phone the doctors in the morning. I'm supposed to have DBT but I think that this would have to be a priority. Just what I f*****g need.  :(

Vermilion:
The doctor has given me antibiotics and an appointment with the nurse later, the doctor said to go to hospital but I'm only going if it gets really bad. I'll have to leave DBT about 15 minutes early. Not too bad I suppose.  ::-\: Hopefully I'll start to feel better soon because right now I feel like crap.  :(  :hide:

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