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If there was a cure for autism...
Lorien:
--- Quote from: Gerard on February 05, 2022, 09:22:40 AM ---Anyone have autistic friends IRL? There's someone I know fairly well, but am not sure how to say I'd like to be friends. She recently said she's not a big fan of text communication, so I mentioned maybe a voice message and said that would be good.
--- End quote ---
I can only go off my own experience, but I'd say that there's probably 2 points to the asking about friendship. Personally I need people to be fairly explicit about things - in romantic relationships for example I don't pick up on cues others might at the beginning. But the other side of that is that all of my friendships ND or otherwise have just sort of evolved without explicitly being stated.
Do you know if they don't like text for a specific reason e.g dyslexia makes it hard to read/ it makes them feel pressured to answer quickly/ it's hard to read intent? Knowing those things would help you adapt your communication even verbally.
I am very much of the opinion everyone in the world should just say exactly what they mean and be direct about it. Do you think you would be able to literally leave a voice message that says what you think including the bits people don't normally say.
I think it's also important to establish for yourself what friendship means and what makes it feel important to ask to be friends. Knowing and summarising that might help with the message. I think most people wouldn't define the beginning of a platonic relationship with a request of friendship, but rather retrospectively define the people they spend time with and like as their friends.
Gerard:
We're both on a autism project which is how I know her. Have only met her once and that was before the world changed. She would have move sensory challenges than I do. She finds text draining and emojis meaningless.
Voice note, I'd jot down a few things in advance to remember what to say and then send it on WhatsApp. Maybe sharing some personal stuff (depression, etc). My psychologist would say being more open with people is something I need to do more of.
On another note, anyone else feel like they're constantly trying to 'fix' aspects of their life (work, social, talking to people, life, etc) and find it exhausting?
Vermilion:
I don't know anyone else who's on the spectrum aside from a cousin that I don't see very often. I suspect that one of my current partners might be but obviously I can't be certain on this one. With regard to the second thing;
--- Quote --- anyone else feel like they're constantly trying to 'fix' aspects of their life (work, social, talking to people, life, etc) and find it exhausting?
--- End quote ---
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Yes, 100% agree, absolutely get it! I'm half way through DBT and I feel like I'm trying to overhaul my entire mind. Social things are particularly difficult because I'm analysing every phrase I use and I'm concentrating so hard on non verbal things to the point where I miss snippets of conversation, NT's are baffling! When I come hone from any intense social things I need several days to recover. I'd have the same problem at work when I worked in unsuitable environments (noisy/busy) and was also trying to maintain the social side pretty much broke my brain and I ended up losing yet another job. This was pre diagnosis though so I didn't know why I struggled with things so much at the time. And the b***** small talk; I'm sorry if being quiet annoys you, would you like to talk about the weather and state the obvious about how wet it is while stood in the rain? Or did you want to talk about how tired you are and then I'll tell you how tired I am? That kind of small talk bores me and I'd get home so exhausted from it but unable to sleep for some reason. Then I'd go back to work and repeat ad infinitum. Apparently it's ok for people to make me talk but rude if I try to make them shut up! :fryingpan:
I find basic life tasks pretty exhausting as well, I can have a complete meltdown if my routines or plans get messed with at the last minute. I'd say that because of these issues that being on the spectrum creates such high emotions all day everyday because of anxiety, sensory issues and frustration etc that we're bound to be tired because high emotions do that to everyone. Even NTs find that they are exhausted after something like a funeral because emotions are so intense and draining, we experience intense emotions every day so how can we be anything but tired? The world is mentally, and thus physically, draining.
Gerard:
Black and white thinking causes so much interference. It's either A or B, decided in a nano second.
Natlovbi:
Hi
I'm ASD and have only known for a year. It was the best thing that has happened to me to be honest now that I know. I spent a very long time being stopped from stimming or being told that it was wrong and all mental health related. So now that I have more of an understanding I wouldn't even go for a cure if there was one available. I focus on my strengths and then work on ways are coping with my sensory issues and social understanding as I progress.
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