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Survivor Room / How do you start talking about 'trauma'...?
« Last post by Turtle on May 12, 2022, 11:51:54 PM »
Without going off the rails...

There's a new mh practitioner who I've been seeing for a couple of times, and it looks like it's going to become a regular thing. She's already wound me up completely - didn't seem to have any background info about me at all, not even diagnosis, recent treatment. But I'm trying to get past it, because I understand there's still some stuff to work on and I don't want to be living in constant fear of all the things that trigger me.

She's started to talk about 'trauma' (which is never something I'd thought about). Initially she said she'd refer me to trauma psychotherapy, without really explaining what that entailed, but she's now dropped that without explaining why. Instead today she spent the hour telling me that I had to just say xyz things that have happened, that I don't talk about, and that make me feel instant panic if I try to think about them. She seems to think just saying it to someone will magically fix everything - I explained that I can't see that making a difference AND that life gets very chaotic if I try thinking and talking about it. She just insisted that I should talk about it.

I honestly don't know if I'm meant to just say it to her? Or what the plan is? I really don't know how it's supposed to work and want some reassurance that there's a safety net of sorts.

I also never used the word 'trauma' to talk about things in my past, so that's all new and overwhelming (and I don't really trust that judgement)

Sorry if this isn't making sense. I just need to know what it looks like on the other side of this (and how you get there). I can't imagine living without this burden.
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Thanks for your time.
Survivor Room / NICE public consultation on SH
« Last post by Gerard on February 24, 2022, 08:09:09 AM »
Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Vermilion on February 09, 2022, 09:16:08 PM »
I don't know anyone else who's on the spectrum aside from a cousin that I don't see very often. I suspect that one of my current partners might be but obviously I can't be certain on this one. With regard to the second thing;
anyone else feel like they're constantly trying to 'fix' aspects of their life (work, social, talking to people, life, etc) and find it exhausting?

Yes, 100% agree, absolutely get it! I'm half way through DBT and I feel like I'm trying to overhaul my entire mind. Social things are particularly difficult because I'm analysing every phrase I use and I'm concentrating so hard on non verbal things to the point where I miss snippets of conversation, NT's are baffling! When I come hone from any intense social things I need several days to recover. I'd have the same problem at work when I worked in unsuitable environments (noisy/busy) and was also trying to maintain the social side pretty much broke my brain and I ended up losing yet another job. This was pre diagnosis though so I didn't know why I struggled with things so much at the time. And the b***** small talk; I'm sorry if being quiet annoys you, would you like to talk about the weather and state the obvious about how wet it is while stood in the rain? Or did you want to talk about how tired you are and then I'll tell you how tired I am? That kind of small talk bores me and I'd get home so exhausted from it but unable to sleep for some reason. Then I'd go back to work and repeat ad infinitum. Apparently it's ok for people to make me talk but rude if I try to make them shut up!   :fryingpan:

 I find basic life tasks pretty exhausting as well, I can have a complete meltdown if my routines or plans get messed with at the last minute. I'd say that because of these issues that being on the spectrum creates such high emotions all day everyday because of anxiety, sensory issues and frustration etc that we're bound to be tired because high emotions do that to everyone. Even NTs find that they are exhausted after something like a funeral because emotions are so intense and draining, we experience intense emotions every day so how can we be anything but tired? The world is mentally, and thus physically, draining.
Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Gerard on February 06, 2022, 06:05:18 PM »
We're both on a autism project which is how I know her. Have only met her once and that was before the world changed. She would have move sensory challenges than I do. She finds text draining and emojis meaningless.

Voice note, I'd jot down a few things in advance to remember what to say and then send it on WhatsApp. Maybe sharing some personal stuff (depression, etc). My psychologist would say being more open with people is something I need to do more of.

On another note, anyone else feel like they're constantly trying to 'fix' aspects of their life (work, social, talking to people, life, etc) and find it exhausting?
Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Lorien on February 06, 2022, 12:50:51 PM »
Anyone have autistic friends IRL? There's someone I know fairly well, but am not sure how to say I'd like to be friends. She recently said she's not a big fan of text communication, so I mentioned maybe a voice message and said that would be good.

I can only go off my own experience, but I'd say that there's probably 2 points to the asking about friendship. Personally I need people to be fairly explicit about things - in romantic relationships for example I don't pick up on cues others might at the beginning. But the other side of that is that all of my friendships ND or otherwise have just sort of evolved without explicitly being stated.
Do you know if they don't like text for a specific reason e.g dyslexia makes it hard to read/ it makes them feel pressured to answer quickly/ it's hard to read intent? Knowing those things would help you adapt your communication even verbally.

I am very much of the opinion everyone in the world should just say exactly what they mean and be direct about it. Do you think you would be able to literally leave a voice message that says what you think including the bits people don't normally say.

I think it's also important to establish for yourself what friendship means and what makes it feel important to ask to be friends. Knowing and summarising that might help with the message. I think most people wouldn't define the beginning of a platonic relationship with a request of friendship, but rather retrospectively define the people they spend time with and like as their friends.

Survivor Room / Re: If there was a cure for autism...
« Last post by Gerard on February 05, 2022, 09:22:40 AM »
Anyone have autistic friends IRL? There's someone I know fairly well, but am not sure how to say I'd like to be friends. She recently said she's not a big fan of text communication, so I mentioned maybe a voice message and said that would be good.
Survivor Room / Re: Progress.
« Last post by jackgrillo on January 15, 2022, 10:02:05 PM »
Terri, that is amazing news! You've worked so hard, and you've come so far. It is amazing to hear all these positive things about you and your life - you so deserve it.

You are amazing.
Survivor Room / Re: Progress.
« Last post by Turtle on January 14, 2022, 08:30:15 PM »
Terri, this was so so beautiful to read! I think about you often on this site, so it's nice to hear you're getting on so well. It sounds like there's so much good and exciting stuff going on - a huge well done to you for all the work you've put in to getting to this point! :hug2:
Survivor Room / Re: Progress.
« Last post by Terri on January 14, 2022, 07:46:46 PM »
Hey.  :waves:

It's been a while. I do pop in occasionally, but thought I'd post a bit of an update for anyone who might remember me. :)

I finished DBT at the beginning of September. It was a hard couple of years, especially to begin with, but it is the most helpful type of treatment that I've ever had. I've also completed the SCM program and I have my last appointment with the CMHT next week - I'm being discharged! I am so, so pleased. I'm 34 now. I've been in services since I was about 15 and I self-harmed from the age of 11. It's a really weird feeling, the feeling that I'm not going to be under the MH team, but it's definitely the right time and there's a solid plan in place for if things ever deteriorate to the point of needing intervention.

I no longer work in the pharmacy. I was there for almost 9 years, and my goodness they were amazing. I honestly don't think I'd be alive if it hadn't been for the job/team, but it was time to move forwards. The pharmacy I worked in was based in the hospital where a lot of negative stuff happened around my emotions and behaviours, and going back to the building twice a week was detrimental towards the end of my employment there. I now work as a coder in a GP surgery and it's amazing! The team is great, the job is interesting and it's better money than I've ever earned before - and that makes a difference as I'm now off benefits. It's sometimes a bit scary knowing that my financial security is reliant on me being able to go to work and attend university (student loan), but it's also really nice.

I've started university, studying towards a BSc. I've submitted four assignments so far and passed them all (with marks of 67, 69, 77 and 78), my lecturers are frequently complementary and best of all - I'm really enjoying it. University is never something I would have managed pre-DBT; life was way too chaotic, with frequent self-destructive behaviours and regular admission to hospital. The pressure would have gotten to me and I would have cracked, but as of yet, I haven't. I'm keeping up with the work, I've made good connections with fellow students and my attendance so far has been 100%.


I sometimes have to pinch myself to make sure I'm awake because I'm living a life that I didn't ever think was possible. There have been times over the years where I have been very, very close to dying because of my behaviours. Times where I've thought I've wanted to die, and have wished there was such a thing as palliative mental health care. I am now so very glad that I made it through alive.

Keep going.  :hug1:
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