Author Topic: Sharing her own thoughts.  (Read 2386 times)

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Offline TheChosenZen

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Sharing her own thoughts.
« on: March 17, 2013, 02:46:09 AM »
Morning everyone,

Well it's just gone on 02:44 past midnight, and I should be sleeping, but this lingered on my mind, I was going to post this on the 'So what are you really thinking' thread but felt I wouldn't be heard there...So decided to post it here...As this is an issue important to me :)

Say what I'm really thinking? Hey sure, why not? Why not make this post about myself for once.

So, what could possibly go on in this Angels head eh? The amount off distress on these boards and the lack of actual support there is? So, let's see...I can't PM a moderator about my concerns for gods knows what reason, maybe because I'm still newish but I'm really struggling to keep this inside of me, as I feel as though I do need to be heard, or the fact, I do have the right to be heard, I can't find the 'right' category to post this in neither, as there are no 'Issues with the site' related forums.

I've just been reading posts in the crisis forum, and watching how people constantly deny support and end up just refusing it, it's not a game of whose feeling worst off, or what not neither, members share what they have done, which is honestly pointless, I know it's called 'Crisis forum' but it's not a 'crisis service' NSHN can't actually offer immediate support for such actions, unless a moderator is willing to call the police after getting the IP's or a friend of yours, many people there often  refuse to go to A&E after disclosing quite sensitive issues and sharing that they are at risk. This forum can only really offer so much advice.

NSHN is a place that is encouraging self injury rather than encouraging people to stop. Once someone writes "trigger" it is an alert that they intend to post something that is obviously going to set some people off. I think that the whole idea of "trigger posting" should be abolished and new rules created to reflect the changes. NSHN has been quite a busy forum in general and when it comes to offering advice, it's often just hugs, we need a way to actually let people know SAMARITANS are there. You CAN contact them, maybe positive stories from members reflecting times they've had with Samaritans or Childling, or any helpline?

NSHN is a forum for people who are dealing with their emotions, it is not a room that promotes Self Harm. I thought NSHN was to support people with difficult emotions not having to deal with a group of people who want to self-harm. I know there is a large portion of the group that is made up of people in that category, but we need to really be vigilant and encourage other people in the group to speak up ... You can still express yourself without causing distress and worry to other members...

We should really have a post about someone posting about cutting their arms up. You can't have that kind of thing being posted. It's not good. I've left a link here that you might like to attach to your files somewhere that might be useful. Check it out. The guy is a self-harm survivor and has some tips on how to get around it.http://psychpatientnomoreco.ipage.com/intro/13001.html that some people might find useful to check out.

I often find it quite frustrating when people just completely ignore what I've said when I've taken my time to write more than a line or more than hug, etc...I know I'm still newish...and I should just get used to the forum, but I do think these are points that should be addressed on the forum,

Best wishes
Angel
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go. Dr. Seuss
"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance it is the illusion of knowledge.

Offline TheChosenZen

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2013, 03:49:31 AM »
Sorry, by the looks of it, I kinda lost it today, I'm really sorry, I never meant to come across as stubborn, but really just wanted people to know I exist, I know it often takes time to fit in to new forums, and often people choose not accept me due to my attitude, and even though I stick to the rules, I end up having a fare few people hate me...My intention isn't to harm someone, or anyone, I'm just lost like many people on here. I apologize, I really don't have the right to throw my issues on other people...
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go. Dr. Seuss
"The greatest enemy of knowledge is not ignorance it is the illusion of knowledge.

Offline Lorien

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2013, 04:49:54 AM »
It is possible to contact a moderator by pressing the 'report to moderator' text at the bottom of posts. You are welcome to 'report' this post if you want then a box appears that can be used to contact the mods.

“Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”

“It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”

“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”

Offline Skye

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2013, 09:30:51 AM »
Hi Angel  :welcome:
I ' get' where you were coming from last night. Lorien is right,  you can press the report button to alert a mod. You can also post in the Need a Moderator thread. This forum is extremely well moderated, and on the whole members look for support and use it. Sometimes tho some situations are trickier for a host of reasons. Rest assured if you are feeling uncomfortable with the amount of method sharing in a thread, others will be to o and somthing will be done about it, sometimes things take a bit of time but will be resolved.
 Take care.

Offline hayley

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2013, 11:16:06 AM »
Good post Angel - in many ways you are right.  I don't remember but I've probably done it too, where someone's post is frustrating to read because they're just batting away any offers of support and suggestions to help. 
However where its obvious someone has self-harmed, their post will be locked by the mods for them to seek help.
As for stopping, anyone who hurts themselves does not like doing so but in a way self-harm is like an addiction in that attempts to stop will only have some sort of success when the person actually wants to stop doing so. Self-harm is a coping mechanism and because of that many people who do self-harm are in a way too scared to stop because there will be nothing else to help them to cope with the stresses of everyday living.
Its so easy for a post to go from needing support to sounding like a 'pity' post.  The self-esteem will be at an all time low so any attempt to remind them of their positive points will not be agreed with leaving people trying to support feeling frustrated.   This is not the aim of the original poster but they are just not in the right place to receive compliments.  Not sure where a post can go from there but the fact they're posting means they want to stay alive.
This site is well moderated in that it tries to make the poster take responsibility for their safety, its not designed to make decisions for people, thats what the real life crisis teams are for.  People posting to say theyve cut is not necessarily encouraging self-harm, more like perhaps, trying to help them make a decision to get treatment.




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Offline mbwa

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2013, 08:34:35 PM »
I don't want to cause offence Angel, but to suggest A&E will always meet people's needs in crisis is quite an oversimplification. I'm guessing many people on here have extensive experience of A&E. There will be very few who do not know that 999 is available. To tell people what to do, then be frustrated with them when they do not do what one particular viewpoint thinks they should do, may not always be the best way to try to help. Self harm behaviour can be very frustrating and upsetting to witness (even on a forum) in others, but it is often just as, usually more, frustrating for the person who is self harming. It can help to remember that on a forum like this you will only ever be aware of a tiny part of the entirity of what is going on for someone, while it might seem obvious from the outside what to do, unless you have lived that person's life, you are unlikely to truly know if it is the right thing for them. That doesn't mean you can't explore options, but I can see how coming across as very directive might be challenging to people, and not necessarily in a helpful way.

On your point about A&E, while if someone is in life threatening danger from self harm there are moral/ethical duties we may feel to urge people to seek medical help, (and forum members and the mods here are fantastic at doing that, and lock threads to encourage people to seek help when their life appears to be at risk,) for a person to go to A&E every time they self harm, or feel like self harming, may be very unsuitable for that individual, and they may have good reasons for that judgement which are not immediately clear from a few forum posts. Many A&E departments do not have the staff to listen and support for periods of time especially with repeated self harm, often in my experience they will suggest use of forums such as this, can you see how if we tell people here they must go to A&E when they just want to be listened to and don't need medical intervention urgently, then A&E suggests they access internet peer support, that situation could quite quickly become quite bleak for that person if everybody just pushes them to someone else?

Likewise Samaritans, or crisis teams. Many areas of the UK are still not covered by 24h crisis teams, or those that exist have very restricted access criteria and self referral may not be possible, what works in one area may not be available in another. People using the forum may have important reasons to have made the choices they have about how they are seeking support - i.e. from 'peers' on a forum rather than on a helpline like Samaritans. Helplines and A&E have a role, but they are not the answer for everyone all of the time. Not every A&E can offer comprehensive psychiatric assessment. Not everyone can access helplines (issues of cost/disability - e.g deafness/living situations (shared rooms/vulnerably housed) for example can affect whether or how someone can use helpline services). Not everyone finds the medical model of support most helpful all of the time. I'm not suggesting it's unhelpful to explore options with people, but to see things in a very dichotomous way - that there is a 'right' and 'wrong' course of action for a person to take, is unlikely to be something we have the information on a forum like this to judge.
 

Offline Aj

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2013, 09:14:42 PM »
This thread is an interesting read and has addressed some of the issues I've been having.

At times I've felt ignored......offering advice or words of kindness only to be overlooked.
 Unfortunately it's the nature of the SH beast.
The SH is in itself a manifestation of being unable to cope appropriately with emotions and we should be mindful of this.

We're difficult people to be around irl so this forum offers support and understanding- it'd be helpful if every member was mindful.

With regards to the safety aspect I do find it odd that certain posts get locked whereas others do not.
When I had accidently took too many meds (unspecified drug and amounts) and posted about this as a newbie, not only was I chastised but I was then locked.
I've since read of ppl planning their own suicide and seemingly nothing is done by moderators.

I'm not about to do the whole report to moderators thing because it seems to me that most people on this forum just want someone to hear them and I can't see that blocking them does anything other than add to the isolation.

To sum up, I think it's a tricky one but it'd be nice if people on the forum could remember that we're all here for support- it's not a competition.

Just my view, feel free to disagree

Offline Reeta

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2013, 10:11:12 PM »
I have raised a majority of your points and more many times and Im sure Rob has a breakdown when he sees my name in his PMs.

With reference to Ajs post about their thread being locked whilst other people were posting about suicide... Aj was new... No one knew whether Aj meant it and would actually go ahead with it whereas I can practically guarantee that the other people that were posting and not getting locked had posted the same thing, maybe in different words, many many, MANY!, times before so were not taken as seriously. As a 'newbie' I can really understand how confusing that is but its how it is.

I know I will probably be in the minority and get a hand slapping for saying it but it is the truth.

A lot of people on here just want to be heard, as I'm sure it was mbwa said, and are placated with the rather irritating (to me) *big hugs!!!* responses but that reply to someone who has written a full and well thought out post and wants actual support and someone elses point of view as to other options is like a kick in the balls.
Similar is when you respond to someone with a worthy reply giving ideas and support and its totally ignored in favour of the *Big hugs!!11!!*

I do get that sometimes that is what people need but its when they repeatedly post the same that it gets to be draining on everyone else.

To be honest its why I tend to not read any of the support threads, its safer for everyone around me.

Another thing to consider when suggesting an A&E trip... it may not actually be as bad as portrayed and not need medical attention so any suggestion of that will be shot down. Likewise you get people that do actually need the medical attention but either can't get to A&E for any number of reasons. Even if some of those reasons are due to wanting to make the injury worse.

As for making sure people know the samaratins etc are there, there are threads dedicated to them and I know of at least one of the Admin/Mod team that posts that as a first reply on many occasions but again, people dont want that, they want the attention.

The *trigger* warnings... They are part of an ongoing issue I have (again, why I tend to avoid the support rooms) Yes they are to alert people that there is going to be mention of blood, harming, overdoses, abuse etc but to me its cotton wool. You are on this forum, you know what this forum is for, you are going in the support rooms so you would think it would be obvious that mention of some form of "triggering" material would be mentioned. If you are so sensitive as not to be able to handle something you read on a screen then you shouldnt be there. There are room descriptions before you enter each room so its not like you are going in blind, you are making an informed choice.

Ive just looked over your post again, can you imagine the amount of police/ambulance time that would be wasted if the admin/mods were to call them everytime someone made an 'OMG I want to die!' post? I get where you are coming from, that there should be more physical help but its just not there and part of the attraction of the forum is that its all anonymous words, no physical help can be offered or hoisted upon someone that 1) doesnt want it 2) doesnt need it.

Anyway, I wont prattle on anymore. I hope you get an answer that you are looking for.

Offline riot-grrrl

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2013, 01:52:04 AM »
Hi Angel  :welcome:
I ' get' where you were coming from last night. Lorien is right,  you can press the report button to alert a mod. You can also post in the Need a Moderator thread. This forum is extremely well moderated, and on the whole members look for support and use it. Sometimes tho some situations are trickier for a host of reasons. Rest assured if you are feeling uncomfortable with the amount of method sharing in a thread, others will be to o and somthing will be done about it, sometimes things take a bit of time but will be resolved.
 Take care.

+1

This is a support forum it isn't designed to be a replacement for professional help, it can only do so much. It is run by a team of volunteers who work very hard in their own time to do their best for everyone. In comparison to most places on the internet NSHN is extreemly friendly, supportive and well moderated. I don't understand why you feel otherwise.

At the end of the day if you don't like a post, report it to a mod, if you don't want to read something don't read it.
"No, I regret nothing, all I regret is having been born, dying is such a long tiresome business I always found."

Offline Bea

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Re: Sharing her own thoughts.
« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2013, 08:27:07 AM »
So, what could possibly go on in this Angels head eh? The amount off distress on these boards and the lack of actual support there is? So, let's see...I can't PM a moderator about my concerns for gods knows what reason, maybe because I'm still newish
PM's are a privilege that are earned over time, by regular posting.  As someone up thread says, there is a a "report to moderator" link on every single post, which is not restricted & can be used by any member.  There is also the Need a Mod thread pinned at the top of the Crisis Room, if you put a post on there (it doesn't need to contain any detail - a  :wave: is enough) a mod will then contact you.

I've just been reading posts in the crisis forum, and watching how people constantly deny support and end up just refusing it, it's not a game of whose feeling worst off, or what not neither, members share what they have done, which is honestly pointless, I know it's called 'Crisis forum' but it's not a 'crisis service' NSHN can't actually offer immediate support for such actions, unless a moderator is willing to call the police after getting the IP's or a friend of yours, many people there often  refuse to go to A&E after disclosing quite sensitive issues and sharing that they are at risk. This forum can only really offer so much advice.
When people are feeling vulnerable - they need to be heard.  The internet is a safe place to be heard - in that it is anonymous and you can say things here that you may be unable / unwilling to say in real life.   
None of the moderators will call the police - it is not our place to - we have no idea who posters are, where they are and no access or ability to trace a person.  We are here to moderate what is posted online & to be sensitive to our members and their needs. 
You are right when you say that it is a forum, not a service.  Ultimately in a time of crisis, the only one who can make a call for help, is the person themselves - and we know that it is not always possible.  If someone makes a choice not to seek help, then, sadly, there is little that the mods can do. 

Moderators are volunteers, with lives and issues of their own, and as such have no powers of intervention.

NSHN is a place that is encouraging self injury rather than encouraging people to stop. Once someone writes "trigger" it is an alert that they intend to post something that is obviously going to set some people off. I think that the whole idea of "trigger posting" should be abolished and new rules created to reflect the changes.
I am now speaking as an active poster, not a moderator.  For me, the trigger warnings are a pointer as to the threads which I may, or may not be able to cope with at any one time.  I want to be supportive, but there are times when I cannot cope with issues that are close to my own - so avoid threads which may act as a trigger.  To say that NSHN is encouraging self injury is untrue and unfair.  It is not as simple as telling someone to to stop.  For many, SH is a symptom of a complex set of issues, that a stranger on the internet can not possibly understand / advise on.  We are a support forum - there are many who have left SH behind, but acknowledge how very difficult that is & wish to support those who are still on the journey through it. 

If you are feeling very fragile, then it is probably best to avoid the support rooms and stick to the off topic rooms.  There is also the Calm View facility, which enables a poster to only access the off topic areas - which is available on request to admins.


NSHN is a supportive community, but can not in any way take the place of real life support.  There are many threads directing people to different sources of support and ultimately, the responsibility and choice is theirs and theirs alone. 

We have lost much loved members, and know just how dreadful mental health problems are, but we are not professionals, and can not, as such, be held accountable for actions that people post about - we can moderate posts, to make them less upsetting / informative etc, we can signpost to other services, but we cannot force people to access them. 

Our members know that we are a non judgemental community of people who want to help.  We are all at different stages on our journey, and can only offer what we are able to, at that particular time. 

As you post more and get to know us all, hopefully you will see that we are not encouraging SH- in fact, the complete opposite. 





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