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Self harm and you - your stories. Part 2 *posts may trigger*

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hugaholic:
hi,
i know it has been a long time since i posted, sorry.

my sh started when i was 11, i am now 18.i have no idea why i stated apart from i was being bullied and my parents kept hitting me. (this doesn't happen anymore).i kept it secret until i was 14. i told close friends and my school, who gave me no help at the time, so got worse until i was doing it 4 times a day everyday. By 16 this had calmed down and i started fighting back. i lasted 9 months-until my exams began. nobody knew it had returned until in yr 12, i came out again to my school with a very different responce. i got help,support and counselling. i have almost stopped. I've had to stop my counselling due to my A-Level work at the moment. now i can tell people and be light hearted about it, because i control it, it doesn't control me anymore.(not that this is a joking matter-but i am sure you all know what i mean)

There is light at the end of the tunnel, it just takes alot of fighting. i am not cured but i am better then the way i was 7 yrs ago.
My message to anyone is that they must keep hope in their hearts, that has got me through this alongside really good friends.

Have fun people,
hugaholic :1059:

babysmith:
hey, reading these posts makes me remember how i used to feel. i dont self harm anymore its been about a year since i last did it, its not easy to stop but it can be done. im still very angry about how i was treated when i self harmed by doctors and stuff they looked down on me. my best friend self harms she was always far worse than me. she's been doing it for 7 years i dont know how to make her stop she's not as strong as i was. and the doctors and councillers just dont help.
im now a student at university im studying film studies and this year we have to propse an idea for a documentary. i decided to do one about how medical proffesionals treat people with self harm. i want people to realise that loads of people need help not to be discriminated against.

lulu30:
 :trig:hey, things have moved  on a lot for me since i first started on this forum, i'm more in control now in a way but self harm still plays a big part in one way or another.
I've done it for years since school (i'm 25 now) but things got considerable worse about 7 months ago. I was sexually abused from age 4 by my dad and his friends, i was raped repeatedly and left to believe this was normal. I was pregnant at 15 and had an abortion and thank god he left home. I blamed myself for my Mum's unhappiness, she was suicidal and wanted to put me and my younger brother into care, i never told her what he had done to me and know to this day i could not possibly tell her.
I've dealt with this my whole life so far by ignoring it and numbing the pain with drink and pushing people away when they get too close. I take things out on the people closest and they have no idea what the problem is. Until 7 months ago when one of the girls in work decided to tell me a few home truths, she told me what a complete witch i was (i don't think i was as bad as she made out) but she sent me over the edge. I hated myself enough and to hear that my friends hated me as well was the final straw. I drank myself into a stupor, my husband was away. I was on facebook of all things and was chatting to an old friend who apparantly as he was chatting to me phoned a friend to come and see me. by the time she got there i was passed out on the floor with lots of tablets (i didn't take any) but she paniced and called an ambulance. I'd also cut my arms really bad, there was a lot of blood and mess all up both my arms, i'd never done it drunk before i'm usually meticulous at hiding it and being neat but it was a mess. No one not even my husband had ever known about the problem but now it was out. I'm in a job where this sort of thingis not kept quiet. I was forced to go to the doctor and to the cpn, i got prozac and other help, they threatened me with going to the priory as i couldn't even speak when i went to the doctor. My husband was amazing and without him i'd never had got through that part. I really want to self harm at times but manage to control it by going for a run, although i don't eat an awful lot so the weight loss i have is now taking the place of cutting. I'm bulimic also, which i'm being treated for, i feel this awful guilt from somewhere and feel like i don't deserve to be alive at times. i'm coping at the moment, just hoping this feeling lasts. :1027:

Edited - Amount and type of tablets removed

Yoda111:
 :trig:

I started cutting when I was 13. I had just lost the friendship of the only people who had ever understood me, just because they wanted to move on to better friends. When I first tried it i had no idea how to do it so it didn't cut well more of an indention. then I started talking to this girl she was a cutter and she told me how to do it. I cut once to see if it would make me feel better. it gave me clarity released my anger just generally helped. People noticed it and accused me of being a cutter i denied it and made up phony stories I didn't cut for a long time in fear of being caught. There was this guy he was 15 when i met him, i have known him briefly for almost 3 years, he had dated a friend of mine. I really liked him he was cute, funny, and strong and unlike most guys he liked me. He always told me I was pretty and was there for me. I thought he cared till one day I realised he only wanted me for sexual things and now being 14 and him 17. I was most definitely not ready for that. We stopped speaking to each other. I was already not a happy person but he was one of the only people who had made me smile genuinely. So I cut myself on my leg deep and long. i played taking back sunday so loud the only thought I could process was relief. I cried so hard but then I looked at the cut and smiled, to me it was something to be proud of. I wanted myself to be in pain, it was a way of saying I'm the only one who can hurt me now. I continued cutting after that 1cut a day. Then 1 week later i found out my childhood friend had cancer. I cried and cut myself. I thought I deserved to be in more pain then him he was a good person. I kept telling myself I should have cancer, I should be dieing i want to die. And at the time I did I just couldn't bare my family to think it was there fault. I don't want them to be in pain because of me I don't deserve them. Both of my grandparents had died earlier in the year. It took a tole on my parents it made me wish i could die so they could live but i knew it was impossible. Then i found out that my sister has these reactions where at any time she could die if she doesn't go to the hospital. I wanted myself to feel her pain so i cut myself on my wrist in the same place as my first cut because the scar was fading and I wanted to remember where it all started. I'm now 16 and I'm still a cutter. I cut once a week because i was running out of unnoticeable places to cut. I'm ruining my body but I'm ugly no one is going to see it. I sometimes cut more if I'm extremely emotional. My life is not any more painful then someone else's. physically I'm the only one who hurts me, emotionally everyone hurts me so it seems. I'm trying to stop cutting but i dint know if i want to.

ThatRadFreak:
my mum and dad split up before i was 2.
he threw me and my mum out to the streets.
after a few weeks my brother and sister joined us.
school was alright, got a bit bullied but nothing major.
moved school due to problems with my father.
new school, new start, loved it there.
Under immensly high pressure to do well in SAT's.
Y7 started cutting, knew what it was, heard how it helped other people.
Sister was thrown out, left mum in really bad debt [10k].
sister sort of made contact again after a year and a half and was pregnant.
Under huge pressure for SAT's.
12 november 07 took an od.
baby niece born.
end of march beginning of april
would sit in front of boxes of pills for hours.
april 11th 08 went to doctors for help.
Now in Y10, and guess what all my GCSE targets are,
A*
Guess how much pressure im under now.

not the most interesting story
and not the best written
but hey,
thats the facts.

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